How Loony BoB became a CK

[Roto13]

CROWD:
A witch! A witch! A witch! A witch! We've found a witch! A witch! A witch! A witch! A witch! We've got a witch! A witch! A witch! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! We've found a witch! We've found a witch! A witch! A witch! A witch!
:
We have found a witch. May we burn her?

CROWD:
Burn her! Burn! Burn her! Burn her!
:
How do you know she is a witch?
:
She looks like one.
CROWD:
Right! Yeah! Yeah!
:
Bring her forward.
:
I'm not a witch. I'm not a witch.
:
Uh, but you are dressed as one.

:
They dressed me up like this.
CROWD:
Augh, we didn't! We didn't...
:
And this isn't my nose. It's a false one.
:
Well?
:
Well, we did do the nose.
:
The nose?
:
And the hat, but she is a witch!
:
Yeah!
CROWD:
We burn her! Right! Yeaaah! Yeaah!
:
Did you dress her up like this?
:
No!
and :
No. No.
:
No.
:
No.
and :
No.
:
Yes.
:
Yes.
:
Yes. Yeah, a bit.
:
A bit.
and :
A bit.
:
A bit.
:
She has got a wart.
:
[cough]
:
What makes you think she is a witch?
:
Well, she turned me into a newt.
:
A newt?
:
I got better.
:
Burn her anyway!
:
Burn!
CROWD:
Burn her! Burn! Burn her!...
:
Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! Quiet! There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.
:
Are there?
:
Ah?
:
What are they?
CROWD:
Tell us! Tell us!...
:
Tell me. What do you do with witches?
:
Burn!
:
Burn!
CROWD:
Burn! Burn them up! Burn!...
:
And what do you burn apart from witches?
:
More witches!
:
Shh!
:
Wood!
:
So, why do witches burn?
[pause]
:
B--... 'cause they're made of... wood?
:
Good! Heh heh.
CROWD:
Oh, yeah. Oh.
:
So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood?
:
Build a bridge out of her.
:
Ah, but can you not also make bridges out of stone?
:
Oh, yeah.
:
Oh, yeah. True. Uhh...
:
Does wood sink in water?
:
No. No.
:
No, it floats! It floats!
:
Throw her into the pond!
CROWD:
The pond! Throw her into the pond!
:
What also floats in water?
:
Bread!
:
Apples!
:
Uh, very small rocks!
:
Cider!
:
Uh, gra-- gravy!
:
Cherries!
:
Mud!
:
Uh, churches! Churches!
:
Lead! Lead!
:
A duck!
CROWD:
Oooh.
:
Exactly. So, logically...
:
If... she... weighs... the same as a duck,... she's made of wood.
:
And therefore?
:
A witch!
:
A witch!
CROWD:
A witch! A witch!...
:
Here is a duck. Use this duck.
[quack quack quack]
:
Very good. We shall use my largest scales.
CROWD:
Ohh! Ohh! Burn the witch! Burn the witch! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Ahh! Ahh...
:
Right. Remove the supports!
[whop]
[clunk]
[creak]

CROWD:
A witch! A witch! A witch!
:
It's a fair cop.
:
Burn her!
CROWD:
Burn her! Burn her! Burn her! Burn! Burn!...
:
Who are you who are so wise in the ways of science?
:
I am Cid, King of the Forums.
:
My liege!
:
Good Sir Knight, will you come with me to EyesonFF and join us at the forums?
:
My liege! I would be honored.
:
What is your name?
:
Loony BoB, my liege.
:
Then I dub you Loony BoB, Cid’s Knight.

EDIT: I only just now realized that BoB isn't a CK at all. :S

EDIT 2: BoB insists that he is, in fact, a CK, so it's all cool.