My chemistry teacher came out with that the other day. My opinion of you just dropped.Originally Posted by roto13-ness
My chemistry teacher came out with that the other day. My opinion of you just dropped.
The last words of Oscar Wilde, to the wallpaper in his room - "One of us has to go"
Pfft. At least it's not racist. >_>My chemistry teacher came out with that the other day. My opinion of you just dropped.
What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom on the sea?
A damn good start
What did the mayonnaise say to the fridge?
Shut the door I'm dressing
"Reality is that which,
when you stop believing in it,
doesn't go away".
Philip K. Dick
*knock knock.*
Q:Who's there?
A:Yodelehi.
Q:Yodelehi who?
A:I didn't know you could yodel!
lol
I mean, aww xD
Wat
is
going
on
wtf
rawr
What's black and white and red all over?
(SPOILER)Michael Jackson in the Thriller music video!
What's black and white, black and white, black and white, black and blue?
A nun falling down a flight of stairs.
What's black and white and laughing?
The nun who pushed her.
What's black, white and red all over?
A nun with a harpoon through her head.
A joke about 2 teenagers:
Guy #1: That kid's so dead after school.
Guy #2: How long do you think it'll take?
Guy #1: I'm not sure. Do you know when school ends?
Guy #2: I don't know. I never stayed till the end.
The manager of a large office saw a new guy one day and told him to come into his office. " what's your name?" was what the manager asked the new guy. "John" he said.
The manager gave John his standard lecture ..."Look, I don't know what kind of little wimpy place you came from, but around here I only call people by their last name- Smith, Jones, Davids, etc. I'm Mr. Lawson.
Now that we got that settled tell me your last name. "Darling, my name is John Darling."
" Ok, John, the next thing I have to tell you is..."
_________________
A young man came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?"
The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."
______________
There is a mirror that if you tell it a lie you are sucked into the mirror but if you tell the truth you are given money. A brunette walks up to the mirror and says, "I think I am the tallest person in the world," and shazam she is sucked into the mirror. A few minutes later a ginger haired person walks up to the mirror and says, "I think I am the fattest person in the world," and shazam she is sucked into the mirror. The next day a blonde walks up to the mirror. She stares deep into it and says, "I think," and shazam...
______________
You and your friend are walking along a road and you see a lamp on the ground. You pick it up and a genie comes out. He says, "I will grant you three wishes, but whatever you wish for your friend gets twice as much as you."
You say "OK" and your first wish is for $10,000,000.
The genie says, "You know your friend is gonna get twice as much?"
You say "I know." Your next wish is for a 50,000 ft. yacht.
The genie says "You know your friend is gonna get twice as much?"
You say "I know." Your last wish is for getting beaten half to death and the genie says, "You know your friend's gonna get twice as much as you?"
You say "I know."
_______________
I love stealing jokes from joke books and websites.
A blonde walks into a hair salon wearing a pair of headphones. The hair dresser tells her that she'll have to take them off, but she says, "I can't take them off! I'll die!" The hairdresser finds this very odd, but rather than argue with her, he agrees to it.
He does the best job that he can to cut around the headphones, but as he goes, the hairdresser realizes that the woman's hair is not going to look very good when he's done.
Soon, the woman falls asleep in the chair. The hairdresser sees this as an opportunity, and removes the woman's headphones. A few minutes later, the blonde slumps over, dead. The hairdresser is shocked! He then put's on the headphones to see what the blonde was listening to in order to keep her alive:
"Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale..."
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