9/1/01
Almost 4 PM

I hate living. Every day sucks more than the last... I get to wake up to the lovely sound of my mom yelling...then I get to go to school and talk to all those friends I don't have. I get to sit by myself at lunch and do nothing. Fun. Then I come home and get yelled at by mom. Then I come online and usually go onto the ORPG I play. That's lots of fun...everyone hates me and yells at me and sometimes they even murder me...just for no reason. Fun. It's even better when yesterday, I made a mistake and ended up dying and I lost 200 hours worth of work...and then I go and get made fun of and then killed again by people who hate me. Yeah...lots of fun. Then I usually get off the ORPG and go into chat....great fun that is. I get to talk to lots of people who claim they're my friends yet really don't care if anything happened to me. Then I get to eat dinner and make myself the fat pig that I am. Fun. Then I come back online and play more of the ORPG and chat...it's still not very fun. Eventually, I just get sick of all the liars and virtual and mom-induced beatings and just screw it and go to bed. Then I get to start over. What fun. I get to wake up to people hating me, go to school where everyone doesn't even know I exsist, come online where people ignore me, and then start all over again. Why do I even bother? Think of it...if I died, who would care? No one. My mom has told me many times that she hates me and wants me dead...I don't have any friends irl, and I know that some people here at EoFF might be upset at first but they'd get over it eventually. I don't know...why do I even bother? I just hate living...I hate it....I hate myself, I hate waking up, I hate it. I don't care anymore...I just want to die. Why can't I just kill myself? I'd be doing everyone a favor. Mom would be a lot less stressed, everyone online wouldn't have to put up with me...it'd do lots of good for everyone. Sure, I'd be dead but I don't mind taking one for the team. I don't know...why am I even writing this? No one cares. No one ever will either. I'm just going to be the lonely depressed :bou::bou::bou::bou::bou: that I am until I die. And no one's ever going to care. Sure, I know some people might feel bad when they read this but they'll get over it. Everyone will just dissmiss this in the end. No one will care. *sigh* I don't know...I don't know what to do anymore...I just...don't know.....why did all this have to happen? Why is it that no one's ever cared about me...why is it that I'm always alone? Why? Dammit...someone must know....why did this have to happen? Why am I always depressed? Why can't I ever be happy like everyone else?
Someone must know....*Sigh* I don't know....just forget it....no one cares anyway. Just forget all of that. It's just my depressed ramblings. Don't worry about it. *sigh* I'm going to nap...at least no one can hurt me when I'm asleep...well today's been a fun day. So far I've woken up, cried, slept, woken up, came online, cried, and written this. Sounds like fun doesn't it? *sigh* Oh well....it's the same as every other day....