The Journal Thread (September)

[Ashi]

Mood: Tired.
Music: I turn to you: Christina Aguilera.
Entry:
I got hit by a car yesterday. And guess which car! The car that dropped me off to school. None-intentionaly of course. When I jumped off the car in school, I walked behind it and it somehow had to move backwards. I didn't fall or anything, it wasn't really hard. But my arm kinda hurts. xD I'm okay, though.

I have this "thing" today and I don't feel like going to the club today. I'm gonna call "R" and tell him not to wait for me. =\ I want to go and don't want to go at the same time. Ah well. He'll understand, I hope.

[Yoshi]

20/09/01

Tired Bored Feelin a bit destructiv what shuld I do now? Arghhaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[Rainecloud]

====================
20-9-01: Mourning
====================

My Boss' Mum died on Saturday. He's been in tears at work. It's so difficult to try to console someone when they're in a state like that. It's even more challenging when you're working with death. His 'Mam' suffered for years with Cancer, and now she's finally at rest. He's closing the shop on Monday and giving us all a day off in respect of his Mother's life. Mind you, all that seems insignificant compared to the tragedy last Tuesday...

I'm having a nice time here at EoFF as usual. The threads people come up with never cease to amaze me, and Proto's new 'Best Screen Name' awards look quite interesting. I wonder who will win this year...? My betting is on Kawaii. His name is fantastic.

Well, back to work again tomorrow. I think I'm finally settling in. I've learned most of the 'stuff' I have to learn, and I'm getting on fine. I have a day off next Friday...which I intend to spend here at EoFF.

I'm picking up some Knightmare tapes up from a friend next Saturday. I'm so excited. I'll be able to watch those tapes and relive my childhood. xD

Until next time...

[Shoeberto]

9/22/01 12:48AM

I'd rather not discuss the school day or anything tonight. I'm in too good of a mood.

Eden and I chatted tonight, and it was freakin' fun. We started out with a usual chat, and ended up both of us drawing abstract pics of eachother and remaking our images after them XD. Good times.

[Jewels]

September 22nd, 2001 5.03pm

Finally in California! But it feels so strange. The time differences are kind of annoying when I come online. I know that back at home (New Zealand) the times that people come online are like night time but here in America it's 5 hours ahead. Oh well, I'm enjoying myself here. Still a bit jet lagged though.

[Dagger212]

This is for yesterday. Wow this is my first time posting a diary entry!
Saturday, 11 September.
The fairs on nearby, so me and my friends all went down there today. Man, the carnival had like 3 floats (the town I live in is so small!) and all of them were crap. There were a load of townies hanging around the dodgems, so to avoid their stupid ness and silly name calling! (not so much now, with my martial arts!) so we skipped them (their crap anyways).
I won a plastic sword on the hook a duck, a massive prize if you lose. Yeah, right. You never lose. So I got a sword. It’s pretty cool actually, looks like Sephiroth's (but about 10 times smaller!). One of my mates got one too, and we walked behind the guides float, pretending to be part of the carnival! (how sad, I know). When it ended, we went down the brook (a river) and just hung around, having sword fights, yadda yadda. It’s near a farm, and a chicken escaped. One of my friends threw something at it, and it fell in. Sophie told me that they couldn’t swim, so I went in after it (I now have a cold). Then the bastard got out itself!
Then, we went into the woods, okay about 20 trees, and I climbed up one with Ro. She’s way bigger than me, so when she dropped down and grabbed onto a branch, I thought that I could make it. Oh no, being the titch that I am, I fell out of the tree, and my arm got hooked round the branch that I missed. Then I fell from there. My friends had to carry me home, I hurt my foot and was in immense pain.
Now, I have a busted ankle (sprained), a bruised arm, and various scratches and bruises from where I landed (in a stupid bush!)
I still have my sword though, but it doesn't have any materia slots. Oh well.

Sunday, 23rd September
.................tomorrow I find out what part I got in Little Shop of Horrors. I got a re-call for my audition, so I think that I did pretty good! My ankle is in pain! My parents are out again, so its just me and the siblings. My sister is being nice for once, cos of my ankle. I’m listening to my daft punk CD. Wow, I have just noticed I have a scratch in the same place as Squalls! Wow, a sword like Sephy's as well, who’s been lucky!? Okay, the ankle is in alot of pain, so what? Damm, it hurts. I’m going down the doctors later.
Later
Aurora

[Daryl]

Monday, September 24, 2001 - 2:51 PM CST

Yeah.

That about sums up my attitude yesterday and today. I'm really cranky, for a lot of reasons, ranging from lack of sleep to the constant barrage of random IMs I seem to get as of late.

If you're talking to me, and I snap at you, or get more sarcastic than usual... it's likely nothing personal, just my rotten mental state.

Let's see. Nothing really notable to put here. I had an okay weekend until I became cranky. It rained, which r0x0red. Today I have basically a slack day, only three classes, although I do have a meeting later (one I have to run, no less...joy, oh joy).

I'll write more if my life magically becomes interesting.

~Becky

[Shoeberto]

9/24/01 9:16 PM

I'm feeling really crummy right now. School is absolutely horrible. The problem isn't bad grades, or that the teachers hate me, or anything like that. I'm not having a problem with grades, and the teachers seem to like me. It's just school, in general. Every night before I go to bed, I hope that I don't wake up and see the time 6:30 AM. I hope for fog, or some sickness. I'd rather have a shattered limb or be puking up my internal organs than go to school. I get picked on while on the bus. They make all kinds of stupid jokes about me. I act like I'm not paying attention and stare out the window, but it doesn't work. I feel like I'm going to punch one of them, or throw a football at their frickin' head at recess. My friends also seem to add to the problem. They're not even trying, either. You see, 4 square is a popular game at recess. I dispise it, I loath it, I abhore it, I really, really don't like it, if you catch my drift. But two of my friends are addicted to it, where I hang out with a group with 5 people, including me. The two people that like it go to play it, then one other follows along, then the other, and I'm left all alone. I don't like being by myself because I don't want people coming up and saying "Oh, hey Stu, do you want to come do something?". Ugh, I hate when that happens. So I tag along, get in line, and put up with it. Of course, it wouldn't be a four square game at the Jr. High without preps and eight graders taking over the grid with pathetic rules. All my friends end up complaining by the end of recess, yet every day, they go back and play, and I go through the same cycle. They seem so naive. They come to me, complaining "Man, I hate those preps and eighth graders...they think they're better than us", yet every day after lunch, they come back out and do the same thing.

Then comes the classes. Some of them are okay, but most of the time they suck. The advanced teachers have way too high of expectations of us, and it always stresses me out a lot. And gym...don't even get me started. It's a combination of eighth graders and seventh. Ugh.

I have an early dismissal on Wednsday, which is good...I guess. It's only about an hour early out of school, and only shortens my last two classes.

I'm seriously counting down the weeks until I get out. 31, right now. In the legendary words of Snizz: "I disapprove."

[Calliope]

i was flipping through some book and i caught sight of a number of latin phrases as follows:

Taedium vitae - weariness of life
Semper idem - always the same
Sicut Ante - as before
Ex nihilo, nihil fit - out of nothing, nothing comes
Sic transit gloria mundi - thus passes away the glory of the world.

that is all. i don't know why.

[Funkmonkey Deluxe]

9-26-01 11:50 AM

I submitted my first fanfiction to fanfiction.net last night, and I'm still waiting for it to be uploaded. Man, I hope it gets good reviews...

[Umi Butterfly]

Heh... ^_^ I haven't posted in such a while.
Maybe I should consider retiring. O_O; I come here about... 1 time a week.

I have reasons, I've been so busy. Though I thoroughly enjoy being busy. School, homework, breakfast club, Hockey Pool, SAC, tutouring, Work, getting misc. things like scrubs etc., cleaning and maintaing house as well as cooking since I'm usually home alone now, feeding and cleaning up for the cats, making time for IRL friends.. I'm, sure there are little things that I'm missing.
I have my school swim team practices that'll be coming up in about 2 weeks as well as my school's tennis team.
I promised to help a friend, Scott, out for some of the events he's running, I told some other friends I'd help them in math, sometimes I need to study, oh! Occassionally I actually sleep.

Other than that I have 2 new events I'm getting involved in. Though they're pretty far away. One's "Locks of love." I'll be getting about 4 inches of my hair cut along with a wack of other students. The hair goes to make wigs for cancer patients.

The other is "Feed the Kids." I decided I wanted to do that instead of go on the school trip. It's about 800$, but it's a better cause. I'll be going to Jamaca, in Summer, for about 2 weeks and help children schools, cleaning up parks and getting involved with the chidlren to help them with issues... Kinda like an overseas Big Sistar/Brother deal.

I'm really into music and reading a lot now too. I caught myself reading till 4 am just last night. ~_~

Currently my favorite song is :
"It's Been A While" - Staind [Thanks Miles]

[Silverlocke]

That's a song by Staind, Ashley.

Anyway...I rarely post here other than to complain, so here I go again.
Today wasn't inherently bad...classes were fine, the only assignments I got back I got perfect on (menial busywork, but meh. The fact that I did anything at all is surprising), but it wasn't a big problem. After school my best friend said he had to talk to me, and that he was having problems. Of course, I asked him to tell me what the problem was, etc. Usual procedure, really, only I had to be home at a reasonable time to make dinner for my Mom. Anyway, he basically wouldn't answer any of my questions, or say anything more than vague, all-encompassing statements like "everything was going great, but now it's all going to hell". An hour or so passed, so I said that if he didn't start actually talking, I had to go home. He said he was sorry he brought it up in the first place, and, like I said, I went home, didn't even look back at him. And it was fine for a while, I went home, made dinner, talked on the phone for 5 hours or so, and even watched half an hour of TV...then I went on the computer, and suddenly I feel quite awful. I let down my best friend. I shouldn't have let my temper get in the way. Then I read my email...Someone who I was quite close to who emailed me saying she missed talking to me almost two weeks ago emailed me again, because I stupidly never got around to replying and telling her I was still around. Don't get me wrong, she's just a friend of mine, but I still let her down by not being there to talk to. Then I came to EoFF and found I'd missed Kim by roughly an hour (and I could have not talked on the phone and been online instead. That's the kicker, eh?). Great. So, I was supposed to go for a walk tonight with another friend of mine, who I spoke on the phone with for roughly 5 hours earlier tonight, because we haven't in a while. But no! His mom, who dislikes me in the way that a father would dislike the guy his daughter is dating, says that he isn't allowed to be out after 1 at all anymore. And it's my fault he was in the situation at all. So, I can't see my friends, I can't really call people safely at 12:. AM, and I don't feel much like ICQ. I also have to be at school by 8:30 tomorrow for something I shouldn't have even agreed to, so my next closest friend after the two mentioned above can rely on me and likely be let down due to my lack of sleep and/or experience. Great. Actually, I don't think I'll be TOO bad tomorrow, I'm pretty good at public speaky stuff, but I'm still not looking forward to it. Anyway, so my "score" for tonight is 2 friends abandoned, one lover barely missed, and one friend curfewed...All of this my doing, too. Basically, I've hurt the 3 people closest to me (family notwithstanding), plus another who relies on me. Aren't I useful. *rolls eyes*
I feel like taking a walk myself, but I lack adequate music for the mood. Oh well. I suppose I'll just be miserable for a couple hours then go to bed. *shrugs* With any luck tomorrow'll be more than a bit better.

EDIT: (I warned you I'd be miserable for a couple hours ) You know, it’s funny. Sometimes I really feel like I’m me, and I care about people and people care about me and I’m a part of lives and a part of the human race, and some nights and days I just feel like this completely separate entity, basically. I used to practice “zoning”, now I think I’ve gotten to doing it too automatically.
Sometimes it feels like there isn’t anything that’s really “me”. My brother said this Thursday night, and I think I can quote it exactly: “I’m becoming like Dad. We’re really alike, in mannerisms and how we’re both social. You’re not becoming anyone, really. You’re just some strange independent entity.” …And, considering a couple talks I’ve had with him recently, I know what he means…
And while I’m feeling sorry for myself here, I miss my family. I don’t really have any anymore…My Mom isn’t a bad person, but she just isn’t my mother anymore, and she’s extremely unlikable right now. I can only take so much being told I’m useless and unlovable before I just don’t listen to her anymore. She’s really just become someone who’s with me until I move out, and that makes me sad, because I miss the real her. I don’t really have contact with anyone else more than a few minutes a week…I miss my brother most. I do resent his leaving me to take care of mom a little, but I know that that experience really helped me, so I don’t mind it that much. I just miss having a brother. Back in December, after he moved out, we spoke really as who we always were for what’ll probably be the last time. Though…last week we got back together a bit…He was just with me and I needed to talk to him again. I just…didn’t do it the right way. I pried into his life and told him what to do (or what not to do) and made him cry. I shouldn’t do that to a member of my family. I still don’t know what I should have done though…We’ve kinda accepted we won’t be the same again, and it’s saddening.
I’m really not sure what makes me who I am. Usually I actually enjoy this, because I can still be whatever I want, but right now I wish I had some sort of fallback. No one in my family really needs me, other than JJ, and he would cope, so nights like this, when I’m not here for the people who matter to me, and to whom I matter, what am I, really? Existentialist bulltrout aside, I can’t think of much. *sigh*
Oh well…I’ll be better in the morning, anyway. Sometimes I wish I wouldn’t be, so I could dedicate more time to figuring out how to be, but I guess that would be too easy. I’m just about feeling whined out and pretty soon I’ll be optimistic again, so I’ll stop this now. Yay for everything.

Blah...*expresses his dislike for people acting this way*

~~Silverlocke

[Bell]

Well, this is the first time I made a "public" diary entry before, but here goes. Yesterday (Sept. 28) was my b-day, and yet, I feel weird. Last week, I took my mother's advice and told a few people what's been bothering me, I mean these things happened years ago, but they still come back to haunt me. I talked with her about an incedent that happened about three years ago, we got into an arguement, she tried to over-power me and trow me into the closet, I just pushed back enough to keep her from doing so. When I finished, she said "I don't even remember that, if it did happen then I just dropped it a long time ago." That kinda made me feel a little better. Then I confronted my sister about something that happened about five years ago. We were playing "soccor" in our house and I had my shoes on, and she didn't. Well, the only thing I remember (which is too much, anyway) is that I kicked her foot when we both went for the couch cushon. Needless to say, I sprained her ankle, and I felt so bad about it, that a week later, Holloween, I was planning on dressing up and passing candy, but in stead I went out and RAN from house to house, trying to make up for it, needless to say, I have, but I still felt guilty about it, so I confronted her about it, and she said that she forgave me a long time ago. But Istill feel guilty about it. Another thing that's bothering me, is that, instead of visiting my family, I went to my friend's house (I consider them to be my "sudo-sarrogate-parents") and got home at midnight just to get a message from my mother, who really wanted to see me, but of corse, I let her down on that. oh well, I know everyone tries to help, but the only thing that gets me up in the morning is the fact that I KNOW that I'm going to do something stupid or something I might regret later. Well I think that's long enough, if anyone doesn't like me posting here, just let me know, I'll delete this. Thanks for having this open, though.

[Shoeberto]

September 29, 2001 10:07 PM

The past couple of days have been interesting. Wednsday was an early dismissal, and I recieved my birthday present from my parents a week early. It was a Fender bass kit, with amp and all that good stuff. It's ace. I got some picks, since that's how I want to play it. It's pretty spiffy. I've been playing it every night, reading tableture and making up my own stuff.

Last night I stayed the night at a friend's house. It was meh. We rented Joe Dirt and Little Nicky on DVD, and only watched Joe Dirt last night, which he fell asleep during. I got on PSO later that night by myself (since he fell asleep..again) and went through the Forest level and beat the dragon. It was meh, since I haven't played PSO since the last time I was at his house last year, and I forgot most of the stuff. The worst part was his little sister. She's like...three or something. When she said things, I was being my usual sarcastic self, but she doesn't have a sense of it. And she was so annoying. She wanted to be there when we did everything. She just had to be there during the movies, too. The movies had some dirty parts, but no, she had to watch them. I wanted to hit her.

Today was my birthday party. My sis picked my friend and I up at his house, and we came back home around 12:00 PM. Around 2:00, the rest of the people came home. The party was hectic at some points. My friends all have different interests, so I had to work hard to make sure they stayed occupied. So, while I was playing a game of Magic with three people, I had to help someone out when they were playing on the computer, help another when they were playing N64, and the other by just supplying them with something to do. Eventually I just decided to pop in Scary Movie. The only people that had seen it was me and one friend, so we stayed in the computer room and messed around. It was fun. It sucked when the movie ended, though, because everyone had to come and join in. It seems like anymore I can only handle one or two people at a time at parties. And usually the one or two people are the more mellow ones, like my 9th grade friend, the one I was in the computer room with, and another one who is just laid back. Meh.

Tonight I'm kinda tired. I might only stay up until around 11:00 or something. Plus, my internet's being an arse and going really slowly.

[Silverlocke]

RUMINATIONS OF THE DAY:

1) That teddy bear looks quite wise and concerned.

2) I think I should get a full body tattoo of myself, only taller.

~~Silverlocke