Moving Out

[Shaun]

I don't want perfection. I just think you're finding it hard to see if from my perspective. You'd understand if I told you more about my life, but some of the issues are so sensitive that I'll only ever keep them to myself; I won't even tell people on the Internet about them.

That aside, I'm not quite sure what I want now. My parents are more-or-less saying they're going to kick me out soon, so I'd rather be the one to say something akin to: "You can't fire me; I quit!" Don't get the wrong idea though. My parents aren't exactly making me happy, but they aren't the only thing that's getting me down at the moment. There's a lot I need to change about myself.

I honestly don't know what's going to happen anytime soon because my mind is racing through a thousand thoughts. I've got so many choices to make, and so much pressure is upon me. Sometimes I feel like my mind's just going to explode... I guess I'd be best waiting until some of the pressure dies (it'll be easier when it's the holidays) and see about this then. I just can't live this life as it is. I don't feel happy - at all. It's the opposite. I need a drastic change.

[Loony BoB]

And I'm not saying "don't move out". I'm saying "if you move out, get a flatmate arrangement" because that's the sensible thing to do. Expecting any better will be a mistake on your part.

[starseeker]

I don't suppose you could apply for a council flat?

[Miriel]

And Miriel, I'd be perfectly happy living on my own. It's no different to how it is now. I'm all alone now, except the presence of my parents which isn't a good one. If you're talking about the money being the issue, well, I don't know. I would have thought that about £800 would be enough for a month's rent, food, bills, tax, everything BoB listed. Like he suggested though, I'd look into it.

I wasn't asking if you'd be happy living alone. I'm sure most people would be very happy to have their own place. What I was asking was that you couldn't possibly expect to live alone, can you? I mean that is one astounding expectation for someone with limited financial resources.

That's a good idea - for most people. I just really feel I need to know somebody before I do something like that. Moving into a flat with some random person I don't know at all is not something I would be very comfortable with.

If it's a choice between, you know, surviving out there in the real world and being comfortable with living with a stranger, I would think you would choose to survive.

I honestly think that you have some crazy and unreasonable expectations about this whole situation.

Single apartments here go from anywhere between $600 (for the really crappy places. REALLY crappy) to $1500 (for a reasonable place) a month. That's not counting utilities. Or food. Or any other living expenses. How do you expect to live on your own with only £800? That doesn't seem to be nearly enough unless you are literally gonna be in some hole-in-the-wall place in which case you *might* get by.

But even then it would be very hard for you. Getting a roommate or two would cut your rent down in half or even more. I don't understand how you can be wanting to moveout without expecting roommates. It's bizarre to me.

[XxSephirothxX]

As Miriel just said, I think you're being unreasonable. Do you deserve happiness, your own place, and, as you've repeatedly said, a drastic change? Sure. But this is life, and you're not going to get what you want just because you deserve it. You're smart enough to know that, but you sure don't seem to want to believe it.

I read an article in a magazine a week ago about a man working a full-time job here in the US who didn't make enough money to buy furniture for his tiny apartment, if you could call it that--it was a dingy room with a mattress and his meager belongings. My point is, trying to go to school and are looking for a way to survive on your own with money from a part time job just isn't going to work.

I think you have two choices here. 1) Suck it up and stay at home. Work at losing your depression; find a way to conjure up a positive attitude. Obviously it's not easy. It's something I have trouble with, and I probably don't have as tough a life as you do. Of course, I don't know the complexities of your situation, and maybe it's really so bad you shouldn't stay at home anymore. If it's really that bad, then go with number two. 2) Move out, and find one or two or three roommates. If you really want to get away from the people and things troubling you and honestly believe that a new home will fix your problems, you're going to have to be willing to overcome things that make you uncomfortable. You're looking for a rosy, happy end that'll somehow get you in your own place by yourself, and that's just not going to work.

The only other thing I can think of is moving in with another friend or relative, but I don't know if you have any you're close enough to. But if you're deadset on moving out, then it's almost a certainty you're going to need roommates; one way or the other, you better make some friends fast.

[boris no no]

Ok seriously, the best advise given here is from BoB and Mirial, people that have moved out and know what its like. You should listen to them.
So right, you cannot stand home life. But do you pay rent there? or anything towards living? How would you know what its like living alone if you havn't even paid keep with your parents? Now I'm pretty sure my life at homes not all that great, mum left leaving me and my dad with a less then 10,000 a year job. So I've ended up having to pay a lot to help out and stuff, its not a lot of fun and I've gotten very depressed about the situation. But you know what I do? I get on with it. Life can be crap but come on, you're 17. In my eye thats too young to be thinking about moving. Plus you won't even be paid very much at that age, as it'll only be minimum wage. IF you want to make it on your own I suggest that you wait until you get paid more per hour.
Also, the whole "I can't go to uni because my parents won't pay for it"....thats bull poo. I don't get a penny from my parents and I'm about to start my third year. Theres a wonderful thing called a student loan.
If you don't want to go to uni then why are you still at college? Sounding rude yes I apoligise but if you're gonna stay at a job in somewhere like Sainsburys surelt an A-level or BTEC is not gonna matter too much. If you're SERIOUSLY thinking about moving out quit college and get a job where you're woking at least 45 hours a week. On a kinda different point though all students in the UK don't pay tax if you're a full time student and you work less then 38 hours a week ^^ but saying that working less then 40 hours a week is not gonna pay for moving out

SO at the enbd of this I say! Stay at home, at least until you're 18 or 19. SAVE UP. There ain't no point moving out if you cannot even pay for next months rent (most places will demand at less a months rent up front AND then the month following. So the first month may be double) So you more then likely need at least 800-1000 pounds saved up.
Really decide if you want to go to uni or not. If you move out and then suddenly want to go you're screwed. This is the rest of your life, don't make a rash decision because you argue with your family, its not worth it.

Saying all this I'm moving out in less then a month, luckely into my mums house as she actually has money and is buggering off to Scotland. I will not pay rent until I leave uni but I will still need to pay for everything else. I predict I'll need about 500 pounds a month to keep the house going (Its reasonable sized) and me still traveling to uni. Its gonna be expensive, very expensive.

[Levian]

http://img136.imageshack.us/img136/21/withdad.jpg
http://img136.imageshack.us/img136/2224/beatles.jpg

Are you sure it's so bad that you want to move out? It can't be that bad if you can hug them or hold them in a pic. I mean, my mom, dad and I have a good relationship and I live at home, but I can't remember the last time I hugged any of them.

[Yuna-Lenne]

Messege from Shaun. He cannot access the Internet at this time but he'll reply as soon as possible.

[ZeZipster]

Get used to eating Top Ramen.

[Delicate Devotion]

Um Well I moved outta home 1 month after my 15th birthday I've only rencently come to reside back at my mothers.

Living outta home could possible kill you but you get use to eating less and walking more. I survied quite well on 160 $ a week ( although I'm in australia ) I had to pay rent, public transport to get work, food and I had 2 cats as well I had too look after by the end of that list I still had 10 $ left over each week which I saved. so basicly it just matters if your determined enough to let go of all luxury. Always hunt down the cheapest thing possibl I guess.

But I never regreted moving out it's just what I needed I love inderpendts. So I guess if your willing to give up things ( like the internet ) you shouldn't have much of a problem just much sure you always earn more than you spend and save the rest for a rainy day.
It will effect your furture think stressing that you think long and hard about the money thou.

[Shaun]

And I'm not saying "don't move out". I'm saying "if you move out, get a flatmate arrangement" because that's the sensible thing to do. Expecting any better will be a mistake on your part.

I'll see...

I don't suppose you could apply for a council flat?

Hmm. Maybe, but I wouldn't want to live like my sister did. She had everything paid for and lay on her ass all day, doing nothing.

I wasn't asking if you'd be happy living alone. I'm sure most people would be very happy to have their own place. What I was asking was that you couldn't possibly expect to live alone, can you? I mean that is one astounding expectation for someone with limited financial resources.

True.

I honestly think that you have some crazy and unreasonable expectations about this whole situation.

Single apartments here go from anywhere between $600 (for the really crappy places. REALLY crappy) to $1500 (for a reasonable place) a month. That's not counting utilities. Or food. Or any other living expenses. How do you expect to live on your own with only £800? That doesn't seem to be nearly enough unless you are literally gonna be in some hole-in-the-wall place in which case you *might* get by.

But even then it would be very hard for you. Getting a roommate or two would cut your rent down in half or even more. I don't understand how you can be wanting to moveout without expecting roommates. It's bizarre to me.

Like I said, I have a problem with trust. Nothin' else to it.

As Miriel just said, I think you're being unreasonable. Do you deserve happiness, your own place, and, as you've repeatedly said, a drastic change? Sure. But this is life, and you're not going to get what you want just because you deserve it. You're smart enough to know that, but you sure don't seem to want to believe it.

I read an article in a magazine a week ago about a man working a full-time job here in the US who didn't make enough money to buy furniture for his tiny apartment, if you could call it that--it was a dingy room with a mattress and his meager belongings. My point is, trying to go to school and are looking for a way to survive on your own with money from a part time job just isn't going to work.

I think you have two choices here. 1) Suck it up and stay at home. Work at losing your depression; find a way to conjure up a positive attitude. Obviously it's not easy. It's something I have trouble with, and I probably don't have as tough a life as you do. Of course, I don't know the complexities of your situation, and maybe it's really so bad you shouldn't stay at home anymore. If it's really that bad, then go with number two. 2) Move out, and find one or two or three roommates. If you really want to get away from the people and things troubling you and honestly believe that a new home will fix your problems, you're going to have to be willing to overcome things that make you uncomfortable. You're looking for a rosy, happy end that'll somehow get you in your own place by yourself, and that's just not going to work.

The only other thing I can think of is moving in with another friend or relative, but I don't know if you have any you're close enough to. But if you're deadset on moving out, then it's almost a certainty you're going to need roommates; one way or the other, you better make some friends fast.

So it seems whatever the outcome, I won't gain any form of happiness. I guess you've made some good points. I've been thinking. Perhaps if I stayed at home after all, I could go on a holiday very often with the money I'm earning from my job. Then I'd be able to get away... just for a bit. Holidays are only temporary pleasure though. I'd still have to return to this life, where everything I do is for somebody else's sake.

Ok seriously, the best advise given here is from BoB and Mirial, people that have moved out and know what its like. You should listen to them.
So right, you cannot stand home life. But do you pay rent there? or anything towards living? How would you know what its like living alone if you havn't even paid keep with your parents? Now I'm pretty sure my life at homes not all that great, mum left leaving me and my dad with a less then 10,000 a year job. So I've ended up having to pay a lot to help out and stuff, its not a lot of fun and I've gotten very depressed about the situation. But you know what I do? I get on with it. Life can be crap but come on, you're 17. In my eye thats too young to be thinking about moving. Plus you won't even be paid very much at that age, as it'll only be minimum wage. IF you want to make it on your own I suggest that you wait until you get paid more per hour.
Also, the whole "I can't go to uni because my parents won't pay for it"....thats bull poo. I don't get a penny from my parents and I'm about to start my third year. Theres a wonderful thing called a student loan.
If you don't want to go to uni then why are you still at college? Sounding rude yes I apoligise but if you're gonna stay at a job in somewhere like Sainsburys surelt an A-level or BTEC is not gonna matter too much. If you're SERIOUSLY thinking about moving out quit college and get a job where you're woking at least 45 hours a week. On a kinda different point though all students in the UK don't pay tax if you're a full time student and you work less then 38 hours a week ^^ but saying that working less then 40 hours a week is not gonna pay for moving out

SO at the enbd of this I say! Stay at home, at least until you're 18 or 19. SAVE UP. There ain't no point moving out if you cannot even pay for next months rent (most places will demand at less a months rent up front AND then the month following. So the first month may be double) So you more then likely need at least 800-1000 pounds saved up.
Really decide if you want to go to uni or not. If you move out and then suddenly want to go you're screwed. This is the rest of your life, don't make a rash decision because you argue with your family, its not worth it.

Saying all this I'm moving out in less then a month, luckely into my mums house as she actually has money and is buggering off to Scotland. I will not pay rent until I leave uni but I will still need to pay for everything else. I predict I'll need about 500 pounds a month to keep the house going (Its reasonable sized) and me still traveling to uni. Its gonna be expensive, very expensive.

Actually, I do pay board. I fortunately don't have to pay as much as my sister did, but I still have to. You've made some good points though. If I do move out and eradicate any further education, then - not only my A-Levels - but most of my GCSEs will mean nothing.

I don't want to give up on my education. I'm going to an induction day tomorrow, to see whether a fresh start at college would be worthwhile - looking at Law, English Language, GCSE Japanese, Graphic Design and Philosophy.

I guess that ONE of my causes of depression (albeit, a minor cause) has been my academic expectations. I just jumped straight into college at the start of this year without finding out what the subjects I was taking would involve. This caused some big problems, including dropping an A-Level, and failing another, leaving me with one A-Level standing. Maybe if I plan it out for next year it will be better...

How the heck does student loan work anyway? If I were to succeed next year, would it even be possible to go to a decent university using this student loan you speak of?

http://img136.imageshack.us/img136/21/withdad.jpg
http://img136.imageshack.us/img136/2224/beatles.jpg

Are you sure it's so bad that you want to move out? It can't be that bad if you can hug them or hold them in a pic. I mean, my mom, dad and I have a good relationship and I live at home, but I can't remember the last time I hugged any of them.

Levian, do keep in mind that these photos were a few years old. I was never close with my parents. I started hating my Dad a while back actually. There was the time he almost killed my sister by strangling her - when the social services got involved, and then there were the numerous times when he called me these names... Personal names.

Thanks, but things have changed a lot since and my relationship with my parents is pretty shakey.

Get used to eating Top Ramen.

I just looked it up on Google. What the hell is it... ready to eat food?

Um Well I moved outta home 1 month after my 15th birthday I've only rencently come to reside back at my mothers.

Living outta home could possible kill you but you get use to eating less and walking more. I survied quite well on 160 $ a week ( although I'm in australia ) I had to pay rent, public transport to get work, food and I had 2 cats as well I had too look after by the end of that list I still had 10 $ left over each week which I saved. so basicly it just matters if your determined enough to let go of all luxury. Always hunt down the cheapest thing possibl I guess.

But I never regreted moving out it's just what I needed I love inderpendts. So I guess if your willing to give up things ( like the internet ) you shouldn't have much of a problem just much sure you always earn more than you spend and save the rest for a rainy day.
It will effect your furture think stressing that you think long and hard about the money thou.

Eating less sounds fine to me. And yeah, I've only really been spending my job money on material objects... They're fun while they last, but I'd rather spend my money on something useful. Also, I don't have an Internet connection at home! Nothing to lose there! But you do make it seem difficult...

[blue phoenix]

ive thought abpout leaving, and have done. But theres no real way to sustain yourself.Someone said youre 17, im also 17 and its t this point i just think to myself "one more year, just one more to go. After that ill leave and itll be on good terms (probably). Ive no idea about your domestic situation, but unless its outright physical abuse, id severely suggest staying. At least when youre 18 you can earn the minimum wage.

Me personally? im quite smart so im going to uni, after my time in schools up and i think it will be me paying for at least the vast majority of the costs ie Tuition fees etc (my parents say they wnt pay a penny- i dont know if there serious). Then im going to share a flat with at least one other friend to cut the rent.

I have my moments with my parents, sometimes theyre ok, and others unbearable. Is that like you? is this just a bad phase or permanent?

[Shaun]

It's permanent, but it tends to be arguing. There hasn't really been any abuse since the social services was involved (I think my Dad was informed about going to jail for abuse, so he stopped). It wasn't really bad abuse as opposed to what I've heard from others though.

I don't know what I'm going to do yet. It's going to take a lot of thinking.

[blue phoenix]

I'd still have to return to this life, where everything I do is for somebody else's sake.

Welcome to capitalism, no matter what you do, itll always be like that.

sorry for the double post. if it is physical abuse then you can get help from childrens charities, who would give you free accomodation, however your domestic situation would have to be terribly bad to even attempt this as it would burn all bridges with your parents for good.

If youre being mentally put down, try to avoid it, although it doesnt always work. I used to be a good public speaker, however i soon learned that every time i opened my mouth to argue i would just get in trouble more, no matter how right i was..so i learnt to just not say a word, i was also bullied in school which had the same effect. i dont like the change, but im gradually getting my old self back, by just rising above it.

as for happiness, my lifes not great. ive been bullied etc and gave up on women a long time ago, and as a romantic type person it annoys me, as i sit and think, especially of this one girl- one who did actually love me. but enough of that. If financial worry was put on top of this i couldnt cope, luckily it isnt yet. Getting a new apartment at 17 wont be a clean break, its highly likely itll be a start of a slippery slope, because you dont have the finances. And thatll just be another worry.

in short, i dont know your full background, but id recommend sticking it out as long as possible and continuing your education till you at least finish college (College is 16-18 in england right?)

[ZeZipster]

Get used to eating Top Ramen.

I just looked it up on Google. What the hell is it... ready to eat food?

Ramen is really, really cheap noodles. You get them freeze-dried in little bags. They might be called something else where you live, I know up north people call them Oodles of Noodles. But yeah they're like dirt cheap usually around 30-50 cents (idk how much that is in any other currency) a bag.

Amazon.com actually has some for 33 cents.