Moving Out

[Shaun]

I've had too many problems with my parents, and I've pretty much made up my mind. I have little choice but to move out now. I don't know when it's going to be, but it will likely be in this area if I'm to continue college here and I'm going to have to increase my time at work to at least thirty-six hours (four days, nine hours) but that might not be enough.

By doing this though, I'll likely be jeopardising my future, academically. I'll need college times to be very specific and I won't be able to continue much, or I may not even be able to continue college altogether and then I'd have to find something else.

I get very angry over this. There are loads of daddy's girls who aren't necessarily intelligent, but do well academically because they are spoilt rotten and are always happy. I'm going to have to go right to the bottom of the ladder if I do this, and I'm going to have to find other means of success.

Has anybody else moved out recently, or considered moving out? Doing this will be a big change for me. Everything will change. I don't know if it's DEFINITELY going to happen yet, but I'm very strongly considering it. Do you have any advice for me, be it concerning how I could find a decent place for cheaper, or what I should do about this? Thanks.

p.s. I'd post this in EoEO, but nobody cares about that forum.

[Dell]

I don't suggest you to run. Living with your parent is nice, at least, there are people who loves you. I'm still 14, running out of house is....

[~SapphireStar~]

I had enough and moved into my grandparents house at 17 and I never regretted it. If you could move in with a relative that would be great. But I wouldnt leave if its going to ruin what academic future you have.

[Reine]

I thought about it a few times. But mum and I dont really fight, and I know id be a fool to leave. It all depends what your relationship is with your parents is I guess.

[DeathKnight]

Stay where you are, stop getting ideas. AFTER you finish college/university you CAN move...but before that, just ignore your parents or whatever's bothering you there. Hang out with friends more and such.

[Miriel]

Well first off, I don't think being jealous or angry about spoiled rich kids is gonna do anything to help you. So might as well not think about that kind of stuff.

Second, do you have any money saved up? If you're willing to live in something like a triple, you won't have to spend *that* much money on rent.

[ChexMix]

I fight more with my brother than my parents, but all the same I'm 18 and starting college in the fall and I don't want to stay here any longer either. I'm going to be living in the residence area at my college, so that'd be an option. It's more expensive yeah, but you can add it to your tuition and if you have any money put away for education it can come from that, or you can also look at student loans to pay for it. Then you're right next to your classes and food and everything you'd need. Plus you make lots of friends there.

If you didn't want to live on campus or can't for whatever reason, I think some places will give student loans to pay for rent at an apartment for you to go to school. I'm not sure on that one, though.

I know everybody wants to avoid debt as much as they can. It's a lot of money to have to pay back, but once you complete college you'll get a better job and make more money so it won't be as hard to pay back. I don't suggest quitting college just to get away from your parents, and trying to hold down a full time job and also go to school would be nearly impossible! You need your education.

Good luck!

[Hambone]

I'm gonna move out in just 7 more years!

[Eminem's_No.1_Fan]

I'm moving abroad as soon as i turn 18. Aslong as i can afford it.

[Mitch]

When you move out you appreciate your parents (and food) more, so maybe it is a good idea to move out, just for the sake of getting along with your parents better.

As for the whole education thing, i dunno what the deal is with university over there, but here you get a student loan (not much) and generally move into a student hostel for your first year at uni. Hostels are awesome and I coudln't ask for more from mine (actually I could) and you can still work to get extra money.

[Xaven]

See if any of your friends want to hook up and share rent at an apartment. That's what my sister's doing.

[Shaun]

Sorry if I sound REALLY agitated. This is the THIRD time I've had to type this up because Internet Explorer and Windows are smurftards. Sorry I haven't replied to everyone's post either. I might get 'round to that later but I'm a bit hacked off right now.

I don't suggest you to run. Living with your parent is nice, at least, there are people who loves you. I'm still 14, running out of house is....

Thanks, but my parents don't love me. Quite the opposite actually. I don't think my relatives do either. And I have lost contact with any friends I had. I have nothing to lose, and everything to gain.

I had enough and moved into my grandparents house at 17 and I never regretted it. If you could move in with a relative that would be great. But I wouldnt leave if its going to ruin what academic future you have.

I guess academic success isn't the only success...

I thought about it a few times. But mum and I dont really fight, and I know id be a fool to leave. It all depends what your relationship is with your parents is I guess.

Terrible.

Stay where you are, stop getting ideas. AFTER you finish college/university you CAN move...but before that, just ignore your parents or whatever's bothering you there. Hang out with friends more and such.

My parents wouldn't pay for uni anyway...

Second, do you have any money saved up? If you're willing to live in something like a triple, you won't have to spend *that* much money on rent.

None. I get £450 a month but I've kept spending it quickly. I guess I should save it from now on.

I fight more with my brother than my parents, but all the same I'm 18 and starting college in the fall and I don't want to stay here any longer either. I'm going to be living in the residence area at my college, so that'd be an option. It's more expensive yeah, but you can add it to your tuition and if you have any money put away for education it can come from that, or you can also look at student loans to pay for it. Then you're right next to your classes and food and everything you'd need. Plus you make lots of friends there.

If you didn't want to live on campus or can't for whatever reason, I think some places will give student loans to pay for rent at an apartment for you to go to school. I'm not sure on that one, though.

I know everybody wants to avoid debt as much as they can. It's a lot of money to have to pay back, but once you complete college you'll get a better job and make more money so it won't be as hard to pay back. I don't suggest quitting college just to get away from your parents, and trying to hold down a full time job and also go to school would be nearly impossible! You need your education.

Good luck!

Thanks for your reply. Things are different over here in England though. Our university is your college. I doubt I'll even be going university anyway because my parents would never pay... Looks like I may have to just live an average life.

When you move out you appreciate your parents (and food) more, so maybe it is a good idea to move out, just for the sake of getting along with your parents better.

As for the whole education thing, i dunno what the deal is with university over there, but here you get a student loan (not much) and generally move into a student hostel for your first year at uni. Hostels are awesome and I coudln't ask for more from mine (actually I could) and you can still work to get extra money.

I don't know about hostels. I'd probably prefer to be alone, unless it was with like-minded people. I'm not very good at getting on with people who I'm unsure of. Not that I have anything against people in a hostel, because I'm sure there's plenty of decent people there. It's just that I personally have a problem with trust.

See if any of your friends want to hook up and share rent at an apartment. That's what my sister's doing.

Thanks, but I've lost contact with almost all of my friends. There's a guy I see sometimes who actually suggested this idea, but he's unreliable beyond words. I'd end up on the streets if I'd choose to live with him.

[Loony BoB]

For a start, if you're 17, there is no way you're going to live alone. Not a chance. Unless you're extremely rich - £450 doesn't cut it. I live alone, and I barely get by despite the fact that I make over double that number AFTER tax.

One thing you must respect before you consider moving out is how much it costs to live. You can't know this until you actually pay for all of your own expenses, and you should never, ever consider doing such a thing on your own the first time around. I was lucky in that I could move in with my Mum - I learned because I paid 50% of EVERYTHING. Mum taught me what the cost of living really is. It's only because I managed to get a full time job and a hefty raise within the first two years that I was able to continue living in this flat when Mum moved out. Think somewhere around a £14,000 salary at a minimum if you want to live alone. Keep in mind, that's a secure job you need. You can't afford to lose a job when you live alone, that's for sure.

Now that's out of the way...

I'm not sure on what I'd suggest. How exactly is your family negatively impacting your life? Sometimes it's better to just put up with it - it all depends on whether or not you're talking something being a pain or a hassle, or if you're actually talking about serious stuff. You shouldn't move out if you simply don't like house rules or something. It's not worth it.

However, if you've made up your mind, or if there are serious issues going on...

The first thing you need to do is figure out how much it will cost to move somewhere. £450 a month will do you fine for a flatting arrangement - or at least, it will if you manage your money right and aren't too picky with where you're moving into. You should always keep enough money available to yourself to live without any pay for at least one month, preferrably three if you haven't got a full time job just yet. Keep in mind you'll need to pay a bond if you're flatting, too. Figure out EVERY cost. There will probably be more than you think, and things will probably cost you more than you think. Overestimate, it's healthy in this kind of position.

Gas, electricity, TV licence, phone (landline and/or mobile), internet, transport, the odd bit of clothing, food, bathroom & cleaning products, sometimes there will be payments for things such as stair cleaning in flat arrangements, council tax will hit you hard. A suit, if you want a decent enough job, will be vital - include at least five shirts and five ties. Optician and dentist bills will come up once in a blue moon, too. The odd repair/upgrade for your PC, possibly.

People tend to think 'food and rent' and suffer badly. Don't be like that. Food and rent are just the beginning. If I only had to pay food and rent, I'd probably be rich!

Leaving your family means more than leaving a lifestyle. It means leaving a lot of things that you take for granted. This is something I know very well. The stress of money management is so far greater than any stress any family member has ever caused me, let alone any person in this world, actually.

But if you make it, good on ya. Just don't think of it as getting away from your family, because it's not like that. It's awesome when it works, the freedom is fantastic, and I'm glad I moved out when I was 18 and started working full time rather than going to Uni. Never regretted it. However, I didn't think of it as getting away from anything, I thought of it as going to another level of life, so to speak. Stepping up. Because you will have to step up in a big way. Think of it as heading into a very high-cost (because relatively it will be completely insane in costs, you simply can't grasp just how much money you can make when you aren't paying for rent/food/etc until you beging paying for those things), high-responsibility world. Don't leave looking back by thinking "I want to leave, I can't stand this." Leave looking forward by thinking "I'm prepared and ready for this, I know what I'm getting into." Because if you don't think that way, you'll end up back with the parents a few months or a year or so later.

[Shaun]

Thanks for your reply BoB, you raised some very good points and I appreciate it a lot.

However, you missed out one vital thing that I said. I said that I intend to work thirty-six hours. When I'm earning far more, at eighteen (October), doing thirty-six hours I'd earn... *gets calculator*...

Over £200 a week, and £800 a month (I'm paid monthly at my current job). That much better? Though, that said, I may do over thirty-six hours. But this is the part where college is affected. I don't know how I could possibly maintain this many hours and college at the same time. Of course, it wouldn't be 'full-time' college, but... hmm.

I'm not really leaving for any purpose of rebellion - though I know that isn't what you suggested. I know I'm sorta leaving because 'I can't stand it', but everything's putting me down right now and I really need a fresh start. I'll certainly look into what you said. I don't know how I'm going to work so many hours and do college, but I'm prepared to do enough hours to not have to live in a total dump. I just need to wait to see if my job at Sainsbury's is permanent.

I'd say more on this but I'm in a noisy environment and I can't think straight. Thanks for your advice; it's been - and is going to be - very helpful indeed.

[Loony BoB]

Just don't expect £800 a month to be enough to live a nice life alone. However, you might be able to get a decent two-person flatting arrangement going, which would be my #1 suggestion while you're still in the first one or two years of paying for you livelihood. The real good stuff, like living alone, comes when you have the money to do so, and only then. £800 a month - before or after tax? If it's before, forget about it. £9,600 a year won't get you anywhere if you're living alone, unless you guys have much cheaper stuff where you are.