Santa Claus
North Pole, Earth


Dear Santa,

I have been a good Girl.
It really wasn't my fault what happened at Kacey's Office party. It was Chelsea who spiked the punch with too much Coke. I can't help it if I drank 12 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like flowers.

I thought it was funny when I put Courtney's shirt on my head and danced the can-can on the couch while singing `Lean wit it, rock wit it'. I didn't mean to break Kacey's remote and don't know why Kacey would accuse me of Rape in the 2nd degree.

I don't remember calling Jeff's wife a Happy Cow---even though she looked like one with red eye shadow and Black lipstick!

And when I threw up on Ann's husband's Arm, it was only because I ate too much of that Pizza.

After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my Chevy through my neighbor's Garage. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a hungry dog and have me arrested for Murder!

So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all rickity and slimy. And I'm really not to blame for any of this tasty stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!

Sincerely and deadly yours,
Linda (Really a nice Girl!)

P.S. It's only 11 bucks!