March 7: Today is March 7, Clown Day. I don't know why, but I'm afraid of them. When eating breakfast, I concluded that my fear came from the evil red mouth on a face painted white. To prove my point, I spread ketchup over my mouth and covered my face with soap suds in the bathroom. Oh, my! Was that a scary sight...

March 11: Today is March 11, Fingernail Day. A man who swore not to bite his nails anymore applied lethal poison to his own nails. But when he was washing his hands, he accidentally scratched himself. The man was found dead in his house the next morning. The townspeople who learned of his death honoured the man as an example to avoid doing anything so extreme.

August 22: Today is August 22, Chemistry Day. My hypothesis was that mixing red wine with white wine would produce rose wine, but for some reason it didn't work out that way. So, I gave up on my experiment and started whining instead.

September 10: Today is September 10, Say No to Chugging Day. A mother was cooking sauteed leek and liver. She always used milk to drain the liver of blood. One day, her son came home and, assuming it was strawberry milk, chugged down the whole thing. The poor boy fell unconscious from the unspeakably horrid taste. So please, heed the lesson of the day... And say no to chugging.

October 11: Today is October 11, Cool Day. If you can declare yourself cool with a straight face at the movie theater, you'll get a discount today. Try it. It's harder than you think.

October 12: Today is October 12, Fat Ego Day. Having a big ego is one thing, but a fat ego is even worse. You can hide big egos if you try, but you can't hide if you're fat...

October 13: Today is October 13, Build Your Own Shelf Day. I went to my local home furnishings store and bought a shelf kit. The only instructions on the box said, 'Assemble yourshelf.'

November 12: Today is November 12, Acorn Day. I was bored today so I gathered acorns and lined them up. Some were fat, some were long. It turned out looking like a miniature diagram of life.

December 10: Today is December 10, Shame Day. Today, you are to do the most shameful thing you are ashamed to do. Sounds masochistic to me. My most shameful thing is to write letters to storybook characters in the form of a book report.

December 27: Today is December 27, Slumber Day. Sleeping is one of the three necessities of man. What are the other two? Eating and playing, of course!

December 28: Today is December 28, the Day of Light. You often hear heroic tales ending with the hero disappearing into the light. If you think about it, being a hero is a terrible occupation that won't let you go peacefully in your sleep when you die.

December 31: Today is December 31, New Year's Eve. Feeling that tomorrow is a new year gets me excited. Maybe it's because I can leave my unlucky year behind and make a fresh start. In that sense, you can call New Year's Eve the day with the highest population of people with depraved thoughts.