I think I've posted these zillions of times before (didn't we have like 23498 of these threads? o_o) but here they are again!

"Men are like parking spaces; all the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped."

"Are you a derivative function? Cos' I wanna be tangent to your curves."

"If you held eleven roses and looked in the mirror, you would see twelve of the most beautiful things in the world."

"A baby seal walked into a club." <-- I forgot who but someone posted that in the joke thread and I was highly amused. xD