Your official new source of entertainment.

[Rye]

You're very special for posting that, Neel.

[Madame Adequate]

YOU'RE very special for your obsession with informing people that they are very special.

[nik0tine]

Hey guys, I wrote a review for the banannas on there.

A ripe bananna is like renewed faith. It's part of the reason that I became born again. The bananna is the fruit that I like because it has opened my eyes to a whole new world of beauty - Creationism. This fruit is a testament to the Lords creative genius. It is perfectly designed for use and consumption by the human being, and it has been an integral part of our diets since the Earth was first created over 5,000 years ago.

Let us take a good, hard look at the intelligent design of the Bananna. The bananna was meant to be eaten. That's why it exists. There is nothing that a bananna wants more than to be gobbled down by a hungry believer. Evidence of this fact lies in the construction of the bananna itself. For example, take a large, ripe bananna. Notice how it is encased in a hard, rubbery substance to protect itself from harm. The bananna wouldn't want to bruise because then the children of God would have less desire to eat him. Also take note of how the rubbery substance acts as an indicator of the condition of the fruit inside. Green: too early: Yellow: just right, and Black: too late.
A more subtle testament to creation is the way that the bananna is shaped. Notice how, due to curvature, the bananna fits neatly into the human hand. On the far side of the bananna there are three ridges, and on the close side there are two ridges. If you get your hand ready to grip a bananna you will find that on the far side there are three groves and on the close side two groves. This 'locks' the bananna in place. A perfect accompaniment to the human hand.
Finally you will notice that there is a 'tab' at the top of the bananna (It works the same way that a soda can would!). With this tab you can peel the soft shell of the bananna off, and the contents won't squirt in your face. now the fruit, soft and naked, is exposed.(Notice how it was Adam and Eve who sinned, and nothing else. Things like fruit did not sin and that is why they remain 'naked')
Now that the fruit is exposed and ready to be eaten you will notice that the fruit glides gently into the human mouth, just like the Holy Spirit glides gently into the souls of those who accept Him. Because of the way the bananna curves there is a lock-and-key fit between the fruit and the lips of a saved Christian. As a bonus, the fruit itself is very sweet, which provides Gods children with an extra incentive to indulge in it.

Realize also that the good lord does not create anything with one single purpose. Gluttony is one of the seven deadly sins and God wants all of us to make the absolute most out of everything He has created. Because of this, the Lord or God has given the bananna an Alternative use. The bananna can, as you may have already guessed, be used as a disciplinary tool on ones children. God commands that every parent beat his child senseless. (So that they may one day become sensible Christians) This I know, for the Bible tells me so. Allow me to quote scripture: "Spare the rod, spoil the child". With this in mind, one can logically conclude that God created the bananna for both physical and spiritual nourishment. Again, the way that the bananna curves comes into play. It is perfectly built for clubbing your disobedient son or daughter and steering them back onto the path of riteousness. Simply strip them naked and begin hammering their behind with the fruit for at least fifteen minutes with no breaks in between.

Alot of todays parents have turned away from Gods word and have instead opted to treat their children in a loving or caring manner. Don't be fooled by modern pseudo-intellectual psychology. It is the work of Satan and all children who receive this kind of treatment are hell-bound. Do not spare your child this fruity discipline, for if you do I am afraid that your child has a 100% chance of becoming a homosexual demon. Now I ask you, what is better? To tender their hearts with love, or to tender their bottoms with banannas? We'll let God decide.
(Also, do not forget to eat the bananna after you have finished beating your child. Only a glutton would be so wasteful)

[bipper]

Nik0, that offer for the sex of your life still stands.

Well, it would if it was offered. Don't get too excited, it is just a metephwhore.

Bippe

[Sunny Day Suicide]

That's stupid. Why waste your time and be lazy sitting in front of a PC waiting for your milk when you could be taking a nice slow walk and grab it yourself. It'd probably bespoiled by the time the package comes.

[Decessus]

My life started with banging your mom eight different ways.
Incidentally, that's when your life started too.

Weird. You were born 9 monthes premature? And not only that, you, being the sick bastard you are, decided to hit my mom 8 times, while she was pregnate? Sick, sick, bastard.