Family Guy Quotes

[Orion Zero]

I saw the one for the Simpsons, so I though "hey, why not make a family guy quotes thread" and here I am now, making this thread. The thread is quotes from family guy, do entire sketches to one liners, some of them are utter classics. I've seen alot family guy episodes but I forget quotes easy.

Ok, then. Let's go, party on, right on, rock on, rock 'n roll, Roll out, Showtime. Whatever, just make sure you quote the funny quotes. (which there is what FG is mostly made of). Or just discuss Family Guy all together. Just gives this thread all the more life. If you don't like Family Guy, then fine, just don't come here to pick a flame fight. Ok then.

Ready, set, go. Begin.

I like Peter the best out of all the characters. The flashbacks maybe the most criticized part of this series but I like them and find them funny.
Remember when Peter retells the story of when he went to that place for Stewies Birthday Party. I believe the episode was named "chitty chitty death bang". He mutates into the Hulk.

[scrumpleberry]

Lois:...And your tail...
Meg: What??
Lois: Nothing!

Lois: Does that make me a bad person?
Brian: Yes. Yes it does make you a bad person.

Brian: Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't...NOTHING?

There are lots more, but those are all I can think of.

[Fuego]

I love family guy !

I just love it !

peter: Whats this word
lois: Evil
peter: And this one
lois: Knievel
peter: And this one
lois: Was
peter: And this one
lois: Born
peter: And this one
lois: In
peter: And this one
lois: Montana
peter: Wow ... did you know evil knievel was born in montana.

[Orion Zero]

Remember The "griffin family history" episode? Moses Griffin, Peter Hitler. ROFL.

"ok, now that we're at the red sea we're gonna have to swim across to the other side"

"I don't want step on shells"
"I got ear problems"
"i ate 20 minutes ago."
"ok, ok, I'll see what i can do." *Moses Griffin does the famous split the red sea sequence.* Classics some of them.

[Fuego]

Here are some funny ones

Stewie: We're playing house...
Lois: But that kid is all tied up!
Stewie: Roman Polanski's house

Lawyer: Peter, Sarah has decided to press sexual harrasssment charges against you.
Peter: Sarah...Is that the one we video taped taking a dump?

Chris: What do you do at a Young Republicans meeting?
Alyssa: We help those who already have the means to help themselves. Also, we perpetuate the idea that Jesus chose America to destroy non-believers and brown people.
Chris: I don't know why, but I feel safer already.

Stewie: Did you hear that Meg? Guys can marry other guys now. So...this is awkward, but I mean, if they can do that, that is pretty much it for you, isn't it? I mean you as well pack it in. Game over.

Mayor Adam West: I just bought a Rottweiler, and I need a sign to warn people how dangerous it is.
Home Supply clerk (pointing to "BEWARE OF DOG" sign): Well, we have exactly what you--
Mayor Adam West: Ah, yes, here it is: "ONE WAY." So people will know if they step into my yard, there's only one way out--in a body bag from dog injuries.

Pat Sajak: Alright Peter, you’ve made it to the bonus round. Congratulations!
Peter: Thanks Regis.
Pat Sajak: Okay, the category is actor and show, so we need five consonants and a vowel.
Peter: Uhh, ok… Uhhmmm… Z, four, Q (slight pause), another Q, uhhh… a third Q and the batman symbol.
Pat Sajak: OK no help there, umm… 15 seconds if you want to take a shot at it, talk it out.
Peter: Is it Alex Karras in Webster?
Pat Sajak: (slowly) I don’t believe it.
Peter: Oh my god, I just took a shot in the dark! Holy crap!!
Pat Sajak: OK you have thirteen hundred dollars, why don’t you go ahead and pick out some prizes from our showcase?
Peter (floating through room of prizes): Okay let's see, uhh… oh boy everything looks nice, uhmm… alright I'll take the ceramic dalmatian for six hundred, and uhh… boy that TV looks nice, uhmm.. uhh.. gimme the one free week of maid service, and uhh… I'll take the hat rack, uhhmm… hey how much for that fat guy in the circle, I don’t see a price tag on that.
Announcer voice: That’s you.
Peter: Oh, oh, embarrassing, uhm.. okay well in that case I'll take the rest on a gift certificate.

AAAHHHHHH !!!!!!! Too much goodness giving me diabetes !

[Orion Zero]

Doctor: "what were you trying to achieve by rollin a toxic waste dump?"
Mayor Adam west: "gain super powers"
I cannot remember the entire sketch but some of them just make my pants explode. Even people like me have a sense of humour. I like The Simpsons and Family Guy but never seem to remember sketches well.

[I Took the Red Pill]

http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=12281

[Zeromus_X]

Brian: You're a monster.

I can't remember what the whole thing was, though. xD

Brian: Well, my friend here is too young to inpregnate your daughter, and I'm of a different species.

When they needed a ride? Gosh, I haven't seen that show in awhile...

[chii]

Quagmire"giadegoo oh right"

[Fonzie]

Peter:Brian! Theirs a message in my ABC's cereal. It says "ooooooooooooo".
Brian: Peter, those are cheerios.

[Orion Zero]

Remember the episode called "PTV" the one where Peter made his own TV station to spite the FCC. Then he got shut down and his life got censored.

"those guys at the freaking FCC." If only I could remember the exact lines I could contribute something decent to the thread, so I'll let you people fill me head with quotes to try and remember. It can get annoying forgetting gold like this.

[chii]

meg "lets talk about guys"
Quagmier comes out from behind the couch
Quagmier "this is the boringest girl slumber party"
walks out
a girl from the slumber party lifts up gown
girl "lets compare breasts"

[Fuego]

Peter: Hey hey I got an idea. Lets play "I Never." You got to drink if you did the thing that the person says they never did.
Cleveland: Oh I got one, I never slept with a women with the lights on.
(They all drink.)
Joe: I'll go next, uh I never had sex with Cleveland's wife.
(Quagmire and Cleveland drink.)
Peter: alright lets see uh, I never did a chick in a Logan airport bathroom.
(Only Quagmire drinks.)
****About 33 drinks later****
Peter: God lets see what else is there um...I never gave a reach-around to a spider monkey while reciting the Pledge of Alligence.
Quagmire: Oh God.
(Quagmire takes a drink.)
Joe: I uh I never picked up an illegal alien at Home Depot to take home a choke me while I touch myself.
Quagmire: Oh come on!
(Quagmire drinks again.)
Peter: I never did the same thing except with someone from Joann Fabrics.

Peter (narrating his life): "I walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table. I looked with a grimace at the questionable meal Lois had placed in front of me. Of course I'd never tell her how disgusted I was with her cooking, but somehow I think she knew. Lois had always been full of energy and life, but lately I had begun to grow more aware of her aging. The bright, exuberant eyes that I had fallen in love with were now beginning to grow dull and listless with the long fatigue of a weary life. (Lois knocks Peter out.)
I woke several hours later in a daze."

Peter (when he's hungover): This sucks worse than that time I went to that museum. (Flashback to childhood, standing in museum looking at dinosaur
skeltons.)
Peter (as a child): Why did all the dinosaurs die out?
Man at Museum: Because you touch yourself at night.

Meg: I just want to kill myself I'm gonna go upstairs and eat a whole bowl of peanuts.
(Lois and Peter stare in silence)
Meg: I'm allergic to peanuts.
(Peter and Lois keep staring)
Meg: You dont know anything about me. (runs upstairs)
Peter: Who was that guy?

(Peter has to come up with a fake name on the spot, so he looks around the room to get inspiration)
Peter Griffin: Uh... my name is...(he sees a pea)
Peter Griffin: Pea...
(he sees a woman crying)
Peter Griffin: ... tear...
(he sees a Griffin fly by)
Peter Griffin: ... Griffin. Peter Griffin

Bonnie: Somebody save him, he can't swim!
Peter: Oh, he's not even kicking. Kick Joe, kick.
Lois: Peter, he's a paraplegic!
Peter: That doesn't mean he can't hear. Kick Joe, kick!

Peter: So uhh, Mr. Pewterschmidt, the big race is tomorrow eh? Bet you're gonna need some strapping men to help you with your boat.
Mr. Pewterschmidt: Are you calling me gay?
Peter: No. No. I just; I just thought you might want some extra seamen on your poopdeck.

Lois: Honey, what do you say we uh...christen these new sheets, huh?
Peter: Why Lois Griffin, you naughty girl.
Lois: Hehehe...that's me.
Peter: You dirty hustler.
Lois: Hehehehe...
Peter: You filthy, stinky prostitute.
Lois: Aha, ok I get it...
Peter: You foul, venereal disease carrying, street walking whore.
Lois: Alright, that's enough!

Who else but Quagmire !
He's Quagmire Quagmire
Giggidy giggidy giggidy giggidy Lets have sex


Tooo many to remember and not enough time !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*runs screaming through the police station with a pair of scissors in each hand~*

[Orion Zero]

Classics. I'm still laughing and another one hit me.

Businessman: "Peter where do you see yourself in 5 years"
Peter thinking: "don't say doi' your wife.. Don't say doin' your wife." Talks: "doing your..." Looks around and sees a photo. "son?"
Businessman gives him a strange look.

[Odaisé Gaelach]

Jesus: Okay, for my next miracle I'm gonna turn this water... into funk!

(After Peter makes a "water-slide" using the stairs and a hosepipe)
Brian: I'm not going to ring the hospital because you won't learn anything if you do.