Originally Posted by
GooeyToast
I've been looking at the wiki page on Aspergers, and I too seriously think I might have it. Almost all those symptoms fit me, and if I do indeed have it then that would explain all these annoying nuances I have (right foot when walking, handwriting, among others).
I am horrible at making friends. My social life is pretty much non-existant. I've only had one girlfriend, who I didn't even ask out and who now hates me for whatever reason. I see people I want to talk to or get to know, but I simply cannot open my mouth to talk to them. Instead I'll just look at them the whole time hoping they'll come to me, which never happens. The friends I do have, I would hardly consider true friends. They're mostly just people I talk to or who make me laugh, not people I could confide in. I am extremely independent, rarely ever coming out of my room for anything. I still want people to talk to, but it's like no matter who I meet they would never share the same interest or views on things I do, which makes friends that much more pointless to me.
As for intense interests, I definetly have those. Movies, music, books. I'll focus on one particular movie or book or band and just talk about them non-stop, and I cannot get it out of my head. I'll hum along and drum on a table to a song my head, or randomly say a quote from a movie that no-one else can here. I do not like to be surrounded by things I dislike, and I pretty much cannot see how anybody could dislike the things I take interst in. I so desperatley want to share my interests with others that I'll go to the lengths of buying a t-shirt or picking up a certain book in class to attract someone's attention. When I get home I'll pretty much do the same thing everyday, and whenever we go out I always protest to stay home because I simply don't want to do anything else.
Language and speech? Definetly. I use a lot of formal words people would find weird, like saying "Why hello there" or "That's quite interesting" and I always look like a fool. I have a lot of phrases and saying I say to myself that nobody else gets, so it's all kind of one big inside joke. I've been told I'm "terribly verbose" (PeeGee I believe) and that I am a very good writer, which is funny because I have a terrible time trying to communicate myself verbally. I have a very weird and dark sense of humour, and I laugh at a lot of things people find sad. American Psycho is a pretty good depiction of what I find hilarious.
Lately I've been very pissed off and violently inclined, feeling like I wanted to smash my ex girlfriends face in with a shovel (not without good reason mind you.) Just thinking about that makes me laugh. This may be related to lack of empathty, which I most definetly have, and possibly a feeling of impowerment over others, something which I rarely have. Though I must say, I can get very emotional over a certain move or piece of music which is odd. I feel a lot of different things at once a lot. If it happens in real life though I rarely feel anything.
I definetly have high intelligence, as I'm in advanced Spanish, Math, and English. However, I really am lazy and I see no point in work or any effort at all. Thus I probably fit the title of "underachiever". I think way too much (as evidenced by my threads in EoEo) about life and everything around me, and a lot of the time I'll simply get lost in thought and forget what I'm doing. This probably doesn't qualify but I find it another distinguishing factor. I have a very good memory, I know a lot of stupid little details and I could probably memorize exactly how a certain song goes or how a room looked simply from 1 listen or observation.
I am very very obsessed with the way I look, and I constantly fret that my hair looks horrible or I have something on my face or my posture looks weird. This drives me insane. Seriously, I keep having to get hair-cuts because I will become so incredibly angry at the way I look that I'll shout at myself. The fact I know that I can look good doesn't help either. When people touch me, I don't really like it very much unless it's in a sensual way. I get seriously pissed off after awhile. Loud noises annoy me too, I simply cannot stand repetitive sounds or people talking above normal vocal levels.
I too hope to be tested on this, because I really hate the way I feel around people. Like I'll tense up, I won't breathe regularly, I'll crack my neck and hand, sometimes I even shiver uncontrolably. Add that to the fact I can't look at someone in the eye without staring, and that I find it almost impossible to open my mouth to talk at times, it really makes living day to day difficult.
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