Beating an obese individual with a can of Crisco until they die

Putting a baby in a blender

Hanging a rabbit on the radio antenna while driving down the highway

Squeezing a bird until it explodes in giant fury of bird crap - aimed specifically at someone's head

Taking a shop-vac to someone's face while sleeping

Microwaving your aunt's toy poodle

Put tacks in people's toast

Capsasian cream in someone's contact case

Vaseline the stearing wheel and gearshift