It owuld go something liek this:

Dark Portal opens in my living room

Sephy steps out
Sephy: *draws masamune* You will die. I command the darkness, and your past can't go away.
Me: ...Oh,****
Sephy: DIE! Ha!*swings*
Me: *dodge in bullet time. grabs arm, knees him in the stomach, punch him in the face, contemplate throwing him out the window, but realise we're on the first floor and he can fly. Pry masamune out of his hand and hit him on the chest with it, and stab him in the stomach, THEN throw him out the window.*

I win.