
Originally Posted by
MasterX
What if Zack was the main character... It would be a game full of cheesy plotholes and random events, knowing MY scripting...
Zack: Damn comotose Cloud. Never stuck his neck out for me...EVER! I could either kill him now and be that crappy game's new main character or end up helping him to Midgar and being shot down in the process...
And things ****ed up from Day 1.
(Beginning of the game...)
Barret: Hey, spikey-head, get yer ass down here!
Zack: Why should I?
Barret: ...........awww, ****!
(Scene where he fell on the church's flower bed.)
Zack: Hmmm, thank you, kind stranger. You seem familiar somehow.
Aeris: Is it you, Zack?
Zack: Aeris? Last time I saw you, you and that guy Cloud were hanging out at that weird Inn. Honeybee, was it?
Aeris: He didn't mean anything to me...
Zack: Sure he did. You even spread your....
Aeris: ZACK!!!
And, yet, FF7's new Zack remake got even more awkward.
(Shinra HQ...you know which scene...)
Zack: Hmmm...Tifa, you seem familiar as well.
Tifa: Of course. I was in "Midgar's Monthly Whores". I was Ms. January, March, June AND September.
Zack: Ahhhh, and the part where you spread your...
Aeris: ZACK!!!
Red XIII: Wasn't a BLONDE supposed to rescue us?
Barret: Well, those %^&* %#$&ers at Square thought that this #$%^ing *&%$@#$ was better than that last %^&$er that applied for main character. Frankly, I liked that last guy like a brother. He was always one bad mother-
Zack: Shut your mouth!
And the game gets worse...
(Dream where Aeris left for Ancient City)
Aeris: I have to leave now for reasons beyond sex.
Zack: WAIT!!! I can change! I just sent out for "natural enhancement", whatever THAT is.
Aeris: I realize I must save the world somehow before Sephiroth activates his voice-activated time bomb.
Zack: When will you return?
Aeris: Just after I ...talk... to him.
Zack: You'd better not spread your...
Aeris: ZACK!!! That is none of your business!
Zack: Okay, but you'd better not let him pierce you with his long sword in the literal sense.
Aeris: Well, I won't promise anything, but I'll tell you this, I won't be alive during the 2nd disc.
Zack: I see. Well, come 3rd disc, I'll be finding some hidden secret method involving a general in order to ressurect you.
Aeris: Yeah, like THAT'll happen.
It won't end there, folks.
(Final battle, confrontation with Sephiroth.)
Sephiroth: Why do you want to kill me?
Zack: You forgot my name!
Sephiroth: Well, I can't expect to memorize the name of every bastard who tries to kill me, you know.
Zack: And if I write down my name, will you remember?
Sephiroth: Would you?
Zack: My FULL name?
Sephiroth: Please?
Zack: Want me to include my phone number?
Sephiroth: Well, we haven't been toether since the Nibelhiem massacre. You obviously have stories to tell.
Zack: 'Kay, see ya. Sorry for the misunderstanding.
Sephiroth: Call me sometime.
Well, maybe it would've been a lot different than my version, but I like mine better. Oh, and I'm sorry for wasting space.
WARNING: This post may have contained violence, profanity and sexual references and should not have been read by anyone.