What if...#1

[Citizen Bleys]

Over the next little while, I'm going to post some odd little "What if" scenarios dealing with members of EoFF. I'll provide an intro, and the rest of ya can make it into an interactive story. One little twist, though: Your post can be as long as you want, but it must be at least four sentences long, and something must happen. So you can't just post "Again" and walk away--you have to contribute in some way to the story. Twist rule #2 you cannot write yourself in, or control your own character. You can write in anybody else you want, but you'd better be nice, because if you p*ss anybody off, they can write you in as a prostitute. As I'm pretty sure is going to happen to me.

Oh, yes: if you have any comments that aren't part of the story, include them inside OOC tags. That is, (ooc) and (/ooc), but using square brackets instead of round.

OOC:

like this

Now, on with the story:

What if...Phoenix became President of the United States

"Wake up! Wake up! You won!" Jeeves shook the sleeping President

"What?" Phoenix blinked and yawned.

"You won the election! You're President of the United States!"

"Hmm? I ran? Wait, I thought you had to be 35!"

Jeeves shook his head, "Oh, crap, not another one of those infernal time loops! Look you ARE 35. Going on 36. You got drunk one night and decided to run for President. Well, wake up, you won!"

"It must have been some night," complained Phoenix

"Tequila" explained Jeeves.

"Oh, I guess that would do it." Groggily, Phoenix got up off of the couch and went outside, to where reporters were all gathered 'round.

"They want a speech" prompted Jeeves.

"Umm..." said Phoenix. "I don't even like America."

"The microphone is on, you know," whispered Jeeves.

"SH--! oh, yeah, the mike's on. Um....hi, everybody. Just, hang on a minute....I'm a little hung ov--I mean, under the weather."

"Help!" shouted Jeeves.

Help was not far away as Phoenix's husband came clambering out of the kitchen in his underwear.

OOC:	I am sooooo dead for this....

"What is it?" complained Rafael.

A reporter piped up, "How does it feel to be the first male First Lady in the history of America?"

"What the f*** are you talking about?" asked Rafael in a thick French accent, "I am not even an American!"

"Apparently, I won the election." muttered Phoenix.

"Election?" said Rafael, "I guess ah am steel too drunk to remember an election."

OOC:	I'm going to have to record that line

[Endless]

OOC:	*dies out laughing* Bleys-san, you're dead. I can't write the following part since I'm in, which would make me break rule #2. However, as soon as I have a spot, YOU are going to become a martyr. *plots*

[Supernova Goes Pop]

Phoenix is standing, still half-asleep and hung over, with Rafael standing nearby in his underpants with a digustingly huge pot-belly, and his right hand down his pants, scratching his buttocks.

"Uh.. as President of USA, I promise to do.. absolutely NOTHING!" Phoenix announces, with a dead look of alcohol induced stupidity in her eyes.

The entire news group blinks, dumb-founded by the announcement. Rafael removes his hand from his backside, and proceeds to scratch his scrotum, oblivious to the situation.

"Yup. I refuse to do anything for you greedy bastards. Although, one thing I promise to do, is dismantle USA's Government completely! All because Nickelodeon CANCELLED REN AND STIMPY!" she shouts, waving a menacing fist through the air.

Rafael mutters "Ren and Stimpy are good.. Me smash Nickelodeon's face! Into itty bits of GOO-GOO!"

Upon this, the big, orange Nickelodeon blimp flies overhead, piloted by the infamous fiend, Kawaii Ryûkishi. It's hold opens up, and a giant spoon comes crashing down through the air, headed directly for Rafael, the President, and all those little Canadian midgets. Jeeves too.

Everyone gasps, as the shadow of the powerful spoon envelops them, the sound of spoon fills their ears, so on and so forth.

What will happen next.. ?

[Morticia]

OOC:

Bleys-oniisama; you are soooooooo dead. *grumbles because she can't write in because she was in the last part* Seriously, though. I love you, oniisama; but I'm going to *whispers in Bleys's ear* and then I think I'll *whispers some more* and all this with a DULL, RUSTY BUTTERKNIFE! All of you; be nice to Rafael. If you aren't, as SOON as I can write something, you will be sorry. VERY sorry. *plots SGP's mortifying and prolonged, humorous and INCREDIBLY embarassing death scene* Phoenix

[Citizen Bleys]

OOC:	You can't control your own character, but you can post--Just write a new character into the scene. Hmm...what do you think of "Diary of a Madman" for the themesong at my funeral?

OOC:	#2: Edit: Thanks, SGP, for taking some of the heat off of me. Now Phoenix and Vivi will be doing some of the things they would have done to me to you instead.

[crono_logical]

Suddenly, in bursts Spaceman Spiff through the doors, in a giant golf cart filled with ice-cream, and wearing one of those jumpers only middle-aged golfers wear. "Who wants ice cream?!" he called.

Rafael, upon sight of the ice-cream, grabbed the giant spoon, and began to devour the dessert. As the spoon was silenced upon entering his mouth, everyone breathed a sigh of relief that their lives would not end due to a giant piece of cutlery. Kawaii Ryûkishi became enraged, and decided to use Plan B.

However, to proceed with Plan B, he had to call his head henchman, who was currently on holiday in Bermuda. Kawaii proceeded to call him anyway, and said "...

OOC:	Someone else can choose who the henchman is

[Endless]

OOC:

*g*

"Crono_logical, come here!", Kishi said while waving a latex tentacle.
He also called Mik, telling him to "get bent".
Mik, lost, confused, had to ask for help on this, as he was clearly unaware of the meaning of that order.

OOC:	I won't forget you Bleys-san. *g*

Luckily, as Kal happened to be here, semi-sleeping, because of a night spent with BOU, she proceeded to explain it to Mik...

OOC:

>=]

[Daryl]

OOC:	*dies* Great new thread, Bleys.

The fear of the spoon diverted by Spiff's ice cream, Rydia giggled, watching the pandemonium. "Exactly accordingly to plan..." As the chaos ensued, and more and more innocents became more and more confused, she purred, grinning and watching.

Chrono_logical hung up the phone and mystically found a way to immediately be transported from Bermuda to the scene of our tale. Seeking out Kishi, yet carefully staying out of the latex tentacle's range, he asked, "Why'd you cut short my holiday?"

[Citizen Bleys]

OOC:	Let's try to maintain continuity, folks--It's not believable that all of this happened as a direct result of Phoenix being elected President...Like Vivi being the First Lady is

[Endless]

OOC:	Do we keep it or does it start again after SGP's post?

OOC:	*likes to be the First Lady*

[Danni]

Meanwhile back in the US capital, Rafael had showered and put some clothes on. The near death experience with Kishi's failed spoon antics had left him unscathed. He went into the oval office where Phoenix was trying desperately to remember what exactly had possessed her to run for president of the united states.

"Are you alright dear?" He asked in a semi timid tone.

"No.. how can I be? I'm the goddamn president of the united states and someone is trying to drop spoons on me!"

Just then Rydia, the maid walked into the room.
"Good morning Mrs. President. You look a bit under the weather. Is everything alright?" She grinned deviously, but the gesture went unnoticed.

"Meh.. I will be. Don't bother cleaning this room yet.. Go get me some coffee though. This hangover is really getting me down."

Rydia left the room without a word. Rafael suggested to Pheonix that they phone The Prime Minister of england in an attempt to iron out this incredibly wrinkled plot.

The phone rang in the Simon's office. He put down his meat and potatoe pie and answered the phone..

OOC:	Edit: Dammit.. Bleys posted that while I was typing this. Hope this isn't too far out there

[crono_logical]

"Yes?", he answered.

"It's Phoenix here", replied the still-confused president. "We may have an international crisis on our hands, a madman from Nickolodeon is trying to take over North America with kitchen utensils, and reports from the FBI tell us that there may be associates in England helping in this nefarious plot, so your country may also be unsafe. In fact, there is evidence to suggest that these people may even be in your Cabinet pretending to serve under you."

"What!?", exclaimed Simon, and as he did so, he slammed his fist onto the table - only to miss and hit the edge of the pie instead, catapulting it into his waiter's face. "Dammit, get me another meat and potato pie, Dr. Unne", he ordered, for that was the waiter's name.

"Yes, m'lord", replied Unne, and he sidled off to the kitchen to get another meal - or so that's what Simon thought. However, since Unne had overheard the phone conversation, he had to follow his own hidden agenda...

[Cz]

'Get these Jello-bombs prepared by 9pm, we have a deadline to reach!' Unne barked out the order to his staff. 'Our master will be most displeased if we cannot get the trap set.'

However, little did Unne know, but their master had other ideas...

'The cyborg newbies, are complete.' The computer announced, in an emotionless voice.
'Good.'
'Target is set.'
The evil man smiled. 'We shall destroy Phoenix!'
The butler walked over.
'Yes Tidwell?'
The butler closed his eyes, and spoke in a very eeeeeeenglish accent. 'What about Dr. Unne's pie traps, sir?'
'I have my cyborg newbies now! Kill Dr. Unne!'
'Yes, sir.'
The man swung around in his chair, and turned on the TV, Family guy appeared.
'ARGH! Real entertainment!? NO! Destroy Fox TV immediatley, I want Sabrina, TWENTY FOUR HOURS A DAY...! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

[eestlinc]

Unne was waiting in the pie cellar when the henchmen came for him. He was busy making more pies for Minister Simon, but these were no ordinary pies...

As Unne prepared the secret ingredient, the evil overlord's henchmen burst into the room. Ever quick on his feet, the eternal shoeshine boy tied all the henchmen into a giant pretzel with sheer force fo will.

"Nothing goes with pooty pie quite like a human pretzel," Unne muttered. "I had better get on the phone with Mr. Kishi, and inform him of this most fortuitous development!"

...

Kishi was back in his subterrainean lair when the phone call came from Dr. Unne.

Unne was frantic on the phone, yelling, "Kishi-kun, I believe Minister Simon is on to our nefarious plot! When I served him his latest delectible pie creation, he made a face and muttered about how he hadn't tasted anything so bad since the 'noodle incident'. What if he figured out I am a double agent?!?!?"

"Don't be afraid, Dr. Unne," Kishi aurally stroked Unne. "I was afraid too at first, but now we can have lots and lots of fun together."

.........

[Daryl]

OOC:	*snickers* Yes, I love this thread. And, I'm sorry my post was a bit 'out there' from the main topic, meh... I'll try and make my stuff fit continuity from now on. :rolleyes2

"Kishi, this isn't the time for cleverly quoting yourself!" Unne muttered, exasperated, into the phone. "They're onto our plot. What now?"

"Hm, hm." The line went silent as Kishi pondered this. "Perhaps this is startling in its simplicity, good Doctor, but all we've got to do is..."