Worst...Movie...Ever...

[Elite Lord Sigma]

Now, over the weekend, I had the displeasure of watching what I consider to be the worst movie I have ever seen in my life. It's called Dark Harvest 2: The Maize. It was randomly picked up out of my local Hollywood Video on a weekly video run, along with far superior titles.

Anyway, from the opening shots, I was able to tell instantly that the movie would suck. It looks exactly like something somebody would shoot as a home video, and the phrases, "low budget movie" and "B-grade movie" popped into my head.

There are so many ridiculous problems with it that I don't even know where to start. First of all, the cameraman needs to be shot in the face with a 12-gauge shotgun, because the camera was abysmal. You could literally see the leaves of the corn stalks sticking to the lens as the cameraman filmed the movie, in some scenes.

Also, the entire story is utterly predictable. It's a generic story involving a psychic guy named Shy who has a vision and goes to the local corn maze to save his two daughters from a killer. In other words, a generic cookie-cutter plot.

Also, there's this scarecrow guy with a scythe on the front of the DVD cover, but he didn't pop up once throughout the entire movie. Shy's daughters were both incredibly annoying, as well, screaming at literally EVERYTHING in their agitating, high-pitched voices.

Also, for some inexplicable reason, they seem to think a demon (who is painfully obviously a guy with a mask on) is real, and they run screaming from it. Later, this same guy jumps onto Shy, and Shy proceeds to throw him off of himself. When he exits the maze for a moment, the police start chasing him because he roughed the kid up a bit (which is hardly criminal, if at all). Then, he gets involved in some crazy scheme involving the killer murdering his two daughters (which is introduced into the story out of the blue).

Another problem are the parts which are just sheerly ridiculous. First of all, for some reason, they have a ripple effect on the screen which just served to make me want to snap the DVD in half and throw it off the Empire State Building even more whenever Shy had a vision, and it seems like three-quarters of the movie is spent watching Shy and his daughters run through the maze. Also, the first scene of the movie involves kids trick-or-treating...IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FREAKIN' DAY!!! Also, for some reason, during the scenes involving Shy's daughters, there's a red mist inexplicably surrounding them. Not to mention Shy stops for a Coke right after he sees the vision of his daughters getting killed. Who in their right mind would stop for a drink when their children are in danger?! Finally, the killer is able to kill two fully armed policeman (which you don't see die) with just a crowbar, which is unreasonably ridiculous, as the cops would probably have shot him in the face.

The movie is hardly scary at all, and there's no action at all. The fight scenes are pathetic (if you can call them actual fights), and are not worth watching (as is the rest of the movie). This movie makes the Blair Witch Project seem Oscar-worthy. I hate and loathe this movie with every molecule of my being, and it deserves to burn in the same layer of hell that Uwe Boll is going to. Avoid this at all costs.

Anyway, has anybody else ever watched movies they've hated from start to finish?

[Madame Adequate]

Moulin Rouge. So badly shot I got a headache.

[Roto13]

I would like to take this opportunity to remind you all that overrated doesn't mean bad, and it certainly doesn't mean worst.

Proceed.

[XxSephirothxX]

A friend and I actually had a tradition during our senior year of high school of getting some pizza and renting the worst looking movie we could find. Sometimes we struck gold, with absolutely hilarious films like Alien 3000 (which is just so awful you'll die laughing) and Santa's Slay (Goldberg as Santa = Win), but other times we weren't so lucky. Death Tunnel may have been the most horrible, unfunny and painful film I've ever seen.

You can tell if a movie will be good (bad) based on a few things, generally. Unrated is always a good sign, and if it comes from Lion's Gate, you know it's probably some quality rubbish.

[Miriel]

The Legend of Zorro

I mean it was just SO bad! Like, actually physically cringing, yikes I can't even look at this, BAD. *shudders*

[Burtsplurt]

Plan 9 From Outer Space. It's just a pity it's so hilarious. When one of the stars died after filming two scenes as a vampire, the director just decided to get in someone else. That someone else was about a foot taller than the original actor, and considerably slimmer. He spends the rest of the film trying to hide his face with his cape.

Then there's a policeman who nonchalantly scratches his an itch on his head with the barrel of a gun, the amazing continuity errors (day and night are pretty much interchangeable), the completely pointless "Plan" (I still haven't figured out what it is - no wonder the first 8 failed), the production values (a graveyard with cardboard cutout gravestones - actors kick them over with alarming regularity), the dialogue ("Future events such as these will affect you in the future." Really?)...

I won't go on, but check it out!

[Shoeberto]

and Santa's Slay (Goldberg as Santa = Win)

My friends have been wanting to watch that one for a while now. That and Vampiyaz. It has Treach!

I generally don't watch films that I go into knowing I won't like. The worst I can remember just flat out not liking were Shallow Hal and Boogeyman.

[Shiny]

House of the Dead. Uwe Boll deserves the criticism for this piece of crap.

[The Captain]

"Plan 9 From Outer Space. It's just a pity it's so hilarious. When one of the stars died after filming two scenes as a vampire, the director just decided to get in someone else. That someone else was about a foot taller than the original actor, and considerably slimmer. He spends the rest of the film trying to hide his face with his cape.

Then there's a policeman who nonchalantly scratches his an itch on his head with the barrel of a gun, the amazing continuity errors (day and night are pretty much interchangeable), the completely pointless "Plan" (I still haven't figured out what it is - no wonder the first 8 failed), the production values (a graveyard with cardboard cutout gravestones - actors kick them over with alarming regularity), the dialogue ("Future events such as these will affect you in the future." Really?)...

I won't go on, but check it out!"


Ironically, a good chunk of this is revisited in what I consider one of the GREATEST movies of all time: Ed Wood.


As for worst movie I've ever seen... Maybe 'Santa Claus Versus The Martians'.


Take care all.

[Venom]

Date movie.

[Jowy]

I've seen my fair share of terrible movies, but <a href=http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0105643/>Troll 2</a> takes the cake.

Aside from the popcorn sex scene, Casio keyboard synthesized soundtrack, and goblins who look like they were rejected from Jim Henson's Creature Shop, it also features what could be construed as the worst idea for a weapon to defeat the "monsters" ever. Eating a goddamn sandwich apparently is the be-all-end-all when it comes to goblins.

Sitting through this without at least chuckling is an impossibility.

[Dr Unne]

Dune. I've really tried to like it. I've tried many times to watch it. I've never gotten past the first half hour, so I can't say I hate it from start to finish, but I hate it from start to the point where I turn it off to make the pain stop.

[Anaisa]

Miracle on 34th street. Or the wedding planner. Neither of those films were my choice to watch in the first place I hasten to add.

[Riana]

Ugh...

'Deep Rising' - it had a good tension, good build up. Climax was absolute rubbish!

'Aeon Flux' - Pointless story. Nothing flowed.

'Dragon Inn' - Action was pretty good, but it's all in the desert. :/

[Martyr]

Ya'll have seen some pretty bad stuff.

The worst movie I've ever seen is probably Mortal Kombat.

Or, if it counts, Puma Man. (It might not count because I watched it through MST3K)