"its like bang the drum slowly...only the drum is a chick..."...

[Wolf Kanno]

Futurama

Fry: So what does Uranus smell like...mmhh hahahaha
Leela: I don't get it?
Professor:Fry is unaware that scientist changed the name of Uranus in 2168 in order to once and for all get rid of that stupid joke.
Fry:Really? So what is it called now?
Professor: Urectum

Venture Bros.

Brock: Honestly Hank, where do you come up with this suff? I never see you read.
Dean: It's weird isn't it?
Brock: It's like he channels crazy dead people.

The Critic

(Armed terrorist disguised as a Catering service walk into a theatre in New York City, carrying AK-47s and Missle Launchers. Suddenly, a stage hand spots them...)

Stage Hand: Who are you guys?
Terrorist: Uh...We're the caterers...
Stage Hand: Aren't you a little heavily armed to be caterers?
Terrorist: Uh... we took the subway...
Stage Hand: Aren't you a little lightly armed to be taking the subway?

[Bart's Friend Milhouse]

(From The Simpsons)
Homer: Why would I wanna look at a pen with a-- *gasp* Oh no, her clothes are coming off! [Covers his eyes, but takes a peek.] Heh heh, hey! You know who would love this? ...Men.

(From Futurama)
Roberto: [Holds Zoidberg at knifepoint] Back off! I have hostages!
Dr. Zoidberg: Hooray! I'm helping!

[Odaisé Gaelach]

Father Ted: No, no, no, no. Father Nolan was in the gas explosion. It punched a hole in his chest the size of a football. When they found him afterwards, they were only able to identify him by his dental records.

Father Dougal: Poor Father Nolan!

Father Ted: Yes, he's very low at the moment.

[SilverWind]

Business man: So, Peter, Where do you see your self in five years?

Peter Griffin(thinking): Don't say doing your wife, don't say doing your wife, don't say doing your wife!!

Peter Griffin(aloud): Doing your...son?

Business man:

[Wolf Kanno]

Nothing in family guy will ever beat this...

Peter: Teacher. Why did all the dinosaurs die out?
Teacher: Cause you touch yourself at night...

[LazarCotoron]

Disgaea, Laharl speaking: "So, what should I do today? Torture the demons? Take over the world? Make a video game that will deprive the children of earth of all of their sleep?"

[Araciel]

Nothing in family guy will ever beat this...

Peter: Teacher. Why did all the dinosaurs die out?
Teacher: Cause you touch yourself at night...

agreed!

also, my absotute favourite simpsons scene in which homer is in the land of chocolate...he's wandering around eating everything, the lamppost, a dog, etc. and he finally comes to the chocolate shop which has a big sale display in the front window

Homer: 'oooh chocolate! Half price!'