The Journal Thread (October)

[Calliope]

zorb! i stayed up laaaaate last night doing my geo thingee, but i had another one of my strange caffiene-related drinks so i've been overly sproingy and zorby all day. i joined greenpeace! yay! except no one wants to come with me to the anti-ge food rally they are holding next week...i'll have to fix that...three day weekend! and maybe stuff and things too...maybe.

[Danni]

A bit to write.. bear with me here ok?

Well, yesterday was Family Values 01, in Washington D.C. Jon and I left the appartment around 11am because DC is about 5 hours from here. We stopped for lunch and we talked the whole way there. It was really nice. When we got to D.C there was traffic out the arse and we got stuck in a lane that veered off from the road we wanted to stay on. ¬_¬

So we ended uo on some highway and we had to stop and ask someone off of an exit where on earth the MCI center in DC was. We got our directions and went. We parked in the MCI center parking garage.. gah $20!! -_-;; cheap cheap people, knowing there was no other close parking garage and it was cold out.. bah! So we parked and rode the elevator up into the arena itself. We got inside BEFORE they started letting people who were standing outside in. w00t! So we snagged our tshirts with minimal amounts of people and found our seats. we were ion the main concorse.. second row from the stage!!! *drools* omg.. it was amazing. Now for the bands.

Deadsy came on first, I've never even heard of them before. When they played their first few chords of their first song i was instantly hooked. I knew right then and there this band is awesome. They play an industrial gothic synth rock style of music. *if that made any sense to you* something that hasn't been pulled off well in a very very long time. The only other person I can think of who comes close that I'm familiar with is Adrian Alexis.. and he's more upbeat than Deadsy. There was this one band member who was playing this REALLY funky guitar like instrument.. only he was pushing buttons and not strumming.. no not a guitar synth.. it was weird.. halfway through he switched for a stringed instrument. And randomly enough.. he looked a LOT like mikael.. only thing is.. his hair was just perfectly straight and unmessy like.. otherwise very very much alike.. *fear*

second band was Static X. Now, I was only vaguely familiar with this band before last nite. I'd heard some songs, but not many. Damn man! they tore trout up! I think a slew of people at the arena had NO CLUE what Static was all about since the majority of them just stodd or sat and gaped at the strangely dressed men playing some bad ass music and screaming some great great lyrics. After seeing them live, I've now went from a moderate interest to a great like of the band.. I'd like to see them headline their own tour someday.. I'd be there, no fail.

Third band is one of my personal favorites, Linkin Park. They came on and the crowd went absolutely insane. They played almost everysong on their hybrid theory cd. It was awesome. The energy from the band, the energy from the crowd... we all screamed along.. they got us angry.. they got us pissed, they got us screaming out the lyrics with all the heartfelt anger and emotion we had in us. When they sang in the end, we all sang along.. not a person in the arena that I could see, wasn't singing..It was powerful. This was my second time seeing Linkin, first time was at Ozzfest 01. At Ozzfest tho, the bass was turned up so loud you couldn't hear the singers all that well, this show was much much better.

Fourth band is dare I say, my favorite band as of late. The badn who's music i can most relate to.. Staind. They came out playing "Open your eyes" the first song off Break the Cycle. People went crazy again, possibly even more so than for Linkin, I know I did anyways. Their set was one that was filled with pain, sadness, and anger.. it was a very very emotional set for me. I cried, I got pissed off and screamed the words right along with Aaron Lewis.. everyone seemed to be feeling something. They ran through Mudshovel, Fade, Outside, Been a while, suffer, For you, crawl, and a few more from both dysfunction and break the cycle.They ended with Spleen.. and angry song from dysfunction. Their show left me shaking with emotion.. They are such a powerful band. This was also my second time seeing them, and it was just as good as the first time.. only this show they were touring a different album.

The last band of the nite was Stone Temple pilots.. A rock alternative legend. They've been around for almost as long as I can remember. Their set was evrything I had hoped, and even more. They played only a few newer songs (like sour girl) , but the majority of their set was older well known, well loved songs.. sex type thing, Interstate love song, half the man I used to be, and Vaseline to name a few. They are by far one of the greatest bands I have ever heard live. Thwir show was amusing, as much as it was serious musical experience. Scott weiland ended up getting naked and wrapping a flag around his waiste.. don't worry.. he turned away and we all only saw some INCREDIBLY pale white butt. At the end tho Dean pulled Scott's flag away, and he wasn't quite quick enough to cover himself with his hands to keep some people from getting a peek.. he ended up covering himself with a random shoe that had been thrown onstage so he could walk off with one hand raised to the audience.

Family Values 2001.. was it worth the drive and the money? oh hell yes. I got home at 4 am tho.. and my head and neck hurt from headbanging and the like *i was angry d00d!! it was something I couldn't control.. it just happened* I didn't fall asleep till 6:45 this morning.. so I'm a bit sleepy. Back to bed for me..

[Daryl]

Friday, October 19, 2001 -- 1:44 PM CST

THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY!

Yes. I really need the weekend, this week hasn't been the best. Hasn't been the worst, either, but I'm sick of classes and sick of work, and this weekend I really don't have a whole lot to do. Tonight I have a recital I've got to attend, and I perform in two concerts Sunday (pretty much my day from 1pm 'til 9pm is taken with that, meh)... other than those three concerts, though, my weekend's free and I intend to enjoy slacking. My roommate's here this weekend, but she has a new boyfriend so I imagine they'll spend most the weekend at his place. Most my friends are going home, only Mike and Laura remain, and Mike doesn't really count 'cause he's not a person... he's a Mike. Heh.

It looks like this weekend will be great. It hasn't yet started for me, I'm on my "lunch break" I suppose, I am done with classes for the day but still have my private applied voice lesson, meh. In fact, when I finish this journal entry, I have to go warm up for and practice a bit more for that. So far, she's had me work on two English pieces and one Italian song... today, I start my first piece of French repetoire. *fear* My French has never gotten much use. All I've ever really done with French was last year in vocal diction class, we went over French IPA symbols and phonetic transcriptions/pronunciations. So, this'll be a challenge for me, but a welcome one! I enjoy being pushed to new levels with my singing.

I hope to get some recording done this weekend, but I have to wait for times when my roommate's not home so I don't "annoy" her with my vocalizations. Meh.

Let's see, what else? Eh, nothing really. It's sunny out, warmer than it has been all week, my day's almost over, the weekend's here... damn... life isn't that bad.

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend.

~Becky

[Tragic Rain]

Music: World map music to FF Cronicles. NoXeternal is playing that game right now.


Saturday(Oct 27) I go to the local university and take my ACT. I tryed to go sign up for my GED class today, but they were full. I have to wait till january.

I really don't know what to say. I had a LiveJournal.com diary, but someone I know decided to take everything I said and turn it around to where it bit me in the ass, so this is sorta different.

In case you're wondering about the school thing, I injured my back a year ago and missed 3 weeks of school do to physical therapy. The principal said thatbecause I was absent I must be planning to bomb the school,because, according to him, I look like that type of person. Because I wasn't extremely popular. And I have only a few friends. And would rather read a really good book than waste my time with eleventh grade. So I quit because the college I want to go to said that my grades are good enough to take me now, as long as i take my GED. I agreed. *duh*.

But anyway. um. My favorite Final Fantasy is 9, because it's the only one I've ever totally beat on my own. The only one I've ever even played was 7, and that was just the chocobo race. Hopefully I'll find people on the message board to talk to.

[Mikztsu]

Dear Journal,

Mik yesterday:
"Planning is evil, but I'm definitely going to swim dome for gymming, swimming and sauna."

That I did not do today, for some unknown reason. Maybe I forgot, maybe I was too lazy, and this all results my batteries and them remaining unloaded.

I guess I'll just blame planning for this all; Planning usually shatters my plans, and my unplanned plan completing rate is much higher when these unplanned plans and their completing remains as unplanned. Or something...*Ö_Ö* It really must be some sort of subconscious jinx for me.

Eventhough I didn't do that swimming stuff, my days was ok. I received Postcard too. It took 2 weeks from it to find me.*_*

Night.

~Mikael

[Music: Garbage- I'm only happy when it rains]

[Loony BoB]

I've spent the last four days doing what I've been trying not to do >_< Dammit. My hole has officially been dug... in almost every way possible? *slight exageration*

[Calliope]

yes. four months later and now...yeah. i don't know. i don't know what to say or do now. but i think that this is one of those things that you don't recover from. no. not ever. i don't know whether to laugh or cry. i did both. what to do now? well. let's just say the great confusion got cleared up really really fast.

oh yeah, and i forget who asked me this, but ant poison tastes like a mixture of chocolate and honey. i don't recommend it; it tastes terrible.

[Danni]

I'm *GASP* bleaching my hair blonde!!!

oh dear mother of the world.. how scary is that? but it's getting dyed blue before anyone sees it bleached..

[Tragic Rain]

{music} aaliyah - everything's gonna be alright

Do you relize how young Aaliyah was when she died? I could die tomorrow. Not that I want to, i don't think. I used to want to die. I was so alone. And noone understood me. And now im getting married soon. and Still feel like im not understood sometimes. Which is ok. I'd rather be alone than with a lot of people sometimes.


I also beat Final Fantasy 9 about 20 min ago for the second time. Now I gotta go back to reading books and sleep again. Unless I can find another game I wanna play. I might start playing chrono Trigger for Super nintendo.

[Silverlocke]

Really just feeling alienated right now. Pretty good on the human race, I guess you could say. I'm listening to Radiohead (The Bends), if that helps. Which it probably does. The last night when I listened to anything other than SP was a long time ago.
No one cares. Soon maybe I won't care either, but right now. Sometimes I do wish someone would hold my hand...just a little. I ostensibly have no famiy, and sometimes I miss one. It would nice to have a mom sometimes. But smurf that. I don't need a little, just someone to care sometimes, not mock me and dismiss everything I say. I can take mocking, and I need to be essentially told to shut up sometimes, but some nights I just wish I could cry to someone. And I can't. I know I can't. No one gives a damn anymore. I shouldn't say no one...one of my friends does, but I can't talk to him tonight anyway, so to hell with that. No one really cares, and no one is thinking of me. I used to be content with that, like it would happen someday anyway, but right now I'm far from sure of that.
Some nights I'm just sick of it all. People, that is. I'm tired of having to smile, having to be funny, having to be another's shadow, having to pretend to like whoever I'm talking to or whatever I'm doing. Everything is fake and plasticky and I'm running out of belief in people. I don't want to give up, but I don't have a lot of energy left. I feel so worn some nights, like tonight. I don't know much of anything right now, even myself, and I shouldn't be subjecting anyone to me when I don't even think what I'm saying is funny. I have an ancient civilizations presentation to write, music presentation to prepare for, monologue to write for playwriting, and a major chemistry test to study for, and I don't think I'll do any of it. What's the point? So I can make lots of money, get a big empty smurfing mansion and die? No thanks. Not for me. But I still don't know what IS for me. Everything seems like such a bitch sometimes I really don't know what to do with myself. So I bitch. Irony.
It won't be the weekend forever, and I won't have my friends forever either. I still think I should spend a few days away from chatting to catch up on work. It's all dark in here, and even the rockier side of Radiohead I find is putting me to sleep. I haven't had a good sleep in a long time...and going to bed now won't help even if I did, because my alarm would still be waking me up tomorrow morning.
I'm sick of people, I'm sick of myself, I'm sick of this post. But I don't think I'll go throw up, either. I feel this kind of pensive sadness inside me right now...not anger or anything, but it still makes me almost cry. I thought someone cared once...nice dream. I deluded myself quite well, but at the same time I guess I knew all along.
I feel like closing my eyes at my computer for an hour or so, but my left leg is being disagreeably restless, and that's destroying. The alternative is going to sleep for a bit upstairs, but then I'd probably sleep for too long, and then I'd really be screwed, because it would be morning.
I should stop whining. I'd bet I'm pissing off enough people (1) by doing this. I shouldn't lend too much creedence to what they think, but I don't feel like changing that right now. The line between not being sensitive, being indifferent, being apathetic, and disconnecting is very fine sometimes.
But I do wonder. I can't help that either. Who's really with me, who'll still be with me, and whether anyone cares or not. I think people are capable, I guess I'm just not in their sphere of influence, or whatever.
But I do like Radiohead. It's nice. Nice and hopeless, but nice nevertheless. I don't know. I don't feel very concerned right now...I guess sometimes everything just ends up fading out, and there really isn't anything left for you. I'd never tell anyone else what to think about the world, or at least I'd try not to, but, intrinsically, I'm still alone. Earlier today I just felt scared. Before I felt defeated. Right now I don't know how I feel. I've become incapable of feeling any emotion for more than an hour or so lately, and that worries me. Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just packed up what I needed and got the hell away from here. I have a bit of a bank account...not much, but enough to let me buy enough time to get a job I could support myself with. Not well, but enough.
But I won't. I don't think I'll ever run away like that. Too much pride, maybe too much sense, and I'd miss what I have. As I said way up above, sometimes I just want someone to tell me it'll be okay. I know, it might not ever happen again. And that makes me sad. I don't remember asking to be left here. Or maybe I did...seriously, I might have. I just know that right now I have very little with me, and land on either side is way out over the horizon.
Who knows...maybe my destiny is to be rich and famous and loved and happy. I don't believe in that anyway. I don't know if I want to make my own way yet. Not without anyone else.
But if that's the way it's gotta be...I've got my eyes open and there's still nothing here to see. *nods* "Immerse your soul in love. " -- Last call of those who know they've already lost. For all I know that'll be me someday...Who knows. Maybe not. I guess I just have to face it for now. Dammit.

~~Silverlocke

EDIT:: What's the goddamn point?

[Mikztsu]

FROM LJ thing:

Lack of bedness.

mikztsu

[ mood | okay ]
[ music | Rage against the machine - Wake up ]

Gahhh...I'll have to sleep on the floor tonight, and maybe day after and day after...

Me and my best friend fooled around today and my bed broke in two pieces. No, we were not having sex. We just kinda kiddingly fought and junk, and bang, there went my bedland. Beds aren't too cheap you know; I guess I'll have to make my parents bring me somekind of wood thing where I can place my mattress on.

I'd have so much to write about my day, but I feel too tired and lazy. It's over 1AM in here right now. *ö_ö*

~Mikael

[Julia]

I'm still trying to cope with the idea that your my journal, journal! but anywayz, I still keep stuffing you with meaningless entries.

Entry #3

Guess what journal? i actually got banned from the chat for a short while! but i can't say who it was that banned me, however, i can say why he banned me!

First of, i was simply implying a freindly greeting: such as.... Hi everyone, hello all, greetings, (or a simple smile text thingy)

Then i started to add a whole bunch of "!"'s after my greetings and the dude got mad.....come on now? mad a mere symbols that show no sign of offensiveness?

*likes that word....offensiveness.......offensiveness.....*

usually peeps get kicked of banned for and abusive language or ideas. my "!"'s after my greeting is simply my way of showing i am having a really great day. Until some guy who is the wrong candidate for admin powers banned me just because HE didn't appreciate my "!"

think about it journal! i got banned cuz of what one person thought! surely i would think banning me would be appropriate if everyone or nearly everyone in the chat didn't like my greeting addition. btu an opinion from one guy doesn not give him a right to do as he pleases... usually there's a trial or a political voting.....or something.......

journal, has this ever happened to you? *You better really be a journal! or i'll put you under all of the other books i don't like in that dusty corner!*

[Daryl]

Tuesday, October 23, 2001 -- 11:06 AM CST

Well. Both the band I'm a member of as well as the choir had their respective concerts last Sunday... those went rather well.

To make that day even better, my parents came to watch my concerts, and took me out to dinner at my favorite restaurant, Fratello's. Love that place. My typical meal is chicken and brocolli fettuchini alfredo, but they had this super-nifty walleye special, so, yeah. Awesome stuff.

It was the dinner table conversation that left a rather bleak feeling in me. Did you ever have it happen where after much agonizing you made a probably life-changng decision, only to then get new information that causes you to have to decide all over again? Sigh.

I think I've mentioned this in a prior journal post, but, this summer I had planned to move to Florida and live with my family. This was the decision I had to make, whether to stay in Wisconsin or not. I had lots I had to look at... employment, rent, etc...and I finally determined, financially, it'd be easier on my bank accounts to live with my parents for free as opposed to paying for a place in Wisconsin. So, after much debating and lots of pro/con lists, I made that choice.

At dinner Sunday, my Dad tells me, "You know, you can live at the house in Wisconsin again this summer." ARGH! I had finally figured out and accepted my decision, then I find this out. So, I've been tearing down all the factors yet again and trying to decide. I've spoken to two of my closest non-internet friends about it as well, and they were little help. I mean, not the cost of living is equal... I have a guaranteed job in WI, but in FL, apparently my family has "connections" that could more than likely get me a job for the two and a half months I'd be there. My friends are in WI, but, I never saw them last year (the closest one lives an hour drive away) due to our schedules, and the distance. In WI I could be alone, but in FL, I could be with my family. Either way I'll have no computer to use, so it'll be public library access for me. I'm really trying to focus on important reasons as opposed to wishful thinking, but it's hard when all those reasons cancel each other out! Meh. Well, enough of this, I have a class to get to. I know this isn't the point of a journal entry, but, if anyone has any advice for me, feel free to share it.

~Daryl

[Silverlocke]

Well, I only have about 5 minutes until supper is done, so I suppose I'll just talk about (surprise, surprise!) my day. I don't do that very often

Maybe because there's always so much in a day to mention. So many things I'd point out. But not today, really. First period was math. Dull. Next was physics. Physics test, I did...okay. Not great. 70% or so. I should do better, I should study. Then English...I didn't feel too secure talking about the education of the main character of a book I haven't read yet for 10 minutes, so I'll just do it next class. 10% off, but whaddayagonnado. We got our first essays back...I got 77% on mine, but considering what garbage it is (written at 3:00 AM, and doesn't follow the structure AT ALL! I got 10/10 for style. This is good. Means I can BS more English assignments in the future ). Computers was dull. Got another thingy back..28/30. Technically my worst mark yet, but I'll take it, thankya. It rained a lot during the afternoon, but by the time the day was done it had stopped, so I didn't have to get soaked.
Apparently we've almost sold our house. Kinda scary. We'll have to find a new place, and it looks like we have 4 months here for closing, which is actually pretty good.
I had lots of thought and opinons, but I don't remember many, other than that R.E.M.'s "Up" is not, as I had previously thought, bad, and that "Daysleeper" is one of the best songs I've heard in a long time. I don't watch TV a lot, so all these songs don't get ruined for me. Yay me. See? I'm going into opinons again, and I'll go on forever if I let me
Enough for now. Today's been pretty dull. But not bad. I could take a few more like it. Aht's all for now.

[Mikztsu]

Bed remains not being, yet simultaneously it's my floor: Who is the bed?

[music: Garbage - When I grow up]
[mood: Wonderfull ]


Okay, as my bed broke down I had to sleep on the floor. Today I checked few furniture stores, and God how expensive beds are. *_* The last thing I wanna spend my money on is fricking bed. People don't simply buy beds! Not I at least.:rolleyes2 Beds just...are there, and you don't buy them, goddammit.

Hah, anyways I asked my dad to bring me some sort of thing, and he will do it. He said it might take few days though, as he is busyish and needs to use one of those carts you drag with car (I know, I just don't know the English name for that. ).

My day however was great in general, and I spoke with Lilly on the phone in seconf night row. I just love talking with her. *ö_^*


Nighty- Mikkers is off to floor.

~Mikael