This is my 1st entry & it feels kinda weird, writing down personal stuff, but hey, who cares? It's not as if ne of u lot know me so... fudge it

[Today's song: F.O.D. by Green Day (say's it all)]

My problems r probably quite trivial but getting them down might help. Teen angst... who needs it?

Neway, I'm in a love-life dilemma (suprise suprise...). I'm in love with my best friend Michelle. We haven't really known each other that long, only about 1&1/2 years, but I can't help it. I 1st got 2 know her after she had a messy split-up with her jerk of a boyfriend, James. Every1 treated her like trout, except me really, coz' well... wot else r freakz like me good 4? I was always attracted 2 her coz' well... she's fine, but I wasn't really in love with her. This was all at the end of Yr. 11, & we spent our 6 weeks holiday 2gether mostly, just chillin', smoking some spliff:smoking: , getting 2 know each other. It turned out we had a lot in common, Music, clothes (I'm a bloke & I don't cross-dress...................... well, not often:laugh: ), pet hates, dirty jokes, TV, films, etc. By then I was really starting 2 fall in love with her & then the paranoia kicked in as usual with me:shame:

U c, I'm really afraid of rejection (yeah... like who isn't?) & just couldn't ask her out. I mean there's this veritable goddess, & there's me, an unhygenic slob who smokes 2 much & ain't exactly about 2 win ne beauty contests... what can I say? I'm a coward, I always c the worst in personal situations.

So, back at school 4 Yr. 12, me & Michelle go 2 a party which I have 2 virtually drag her 2. Neway, another friend of mine, Rhys is there, & the 2 of them r getting on really well... 2 well, & end up with each other by the end of the night... bugger, I really feel like beating the crap out of everything:shoot: , I mean it's my fault they're 2gether (& I MEAN my fault 4 reasons I'll get on2 l8r), ruining everything 4 me.

The next day back at school I tell Rhys that if he ever hurts her I will F*@KING kill him. I told him this bcoz' he has a past history of being trout in relationships... 1st he went out with Katy, nothing major there; then he went out with Sarah, Katy's sister (eek! ) which caused troubles, & then he f*@ked about behind Sarah's back with Olivia... REPEATEDLY, ending up with 1 major cat-fight between Sarah & Olivia; then whilst continually stringing Olivia along, making her think there could b something there just so he could get a few shags, he was making his moves on Gemma. Here the pattern is changed; with Katy, Sarah or Olivia, Rhys just kept treating them like trout & they kept coming back... tragic really, but in this case, it was Gemma who treated Rhys like trout (3 cheers for Gemma! ) & Rhys kept on running back. Neway, after all of that, Rhys starts going out with Michelle, the 1 who owns my heart:boohoo: , & I'm really worried about her coz' she has a habit of picking troutty boyfriends, & u can't get much trouttier than Rhys, + she always gets really depressed after the messy break-up I was sure would follow.

Now, about 1 yr & 1 month since they started going out, they r still 2gether, despite the MAJOR fights they keep having, coz' she keeps on crawling back 2 him. It makes me feel sick quite honestly, 2 c the way he treats her & the way she keeps taking it. 4 times she's sworn she's going 2 end it, but no... it still ain't happening & she's becoming more & more depressed every day, & I love her more & more every day...

The main problem is, whilst Rhys is completely crap as a boyfriend, he is 1 of my best mates, so now I'm torn between him & Michelle. What do I do? Do I b a friend 2 Michelle & tell her 2 dump him? I mean, I haven't exactly got an impartial view on this whole thing. Or do I keep quiet & not do nething, & watch as Rhys treats her worse & worse each day? Or do I tell her how I feel, risking f*@king everything up between me & Michelle, or even me & Rhys? Bloody teenage melodrama, it don't get ne better.

Neway, along with my love-life problems (huh... wot love-life?), I'm doing really trout at school. It's not as if I'm not smart enough, it's the fact that I'm a lazy c?Łt. If I actually applied myself, I could kick the crap out of everybody else in the exams, but it's not that easy. I don't know wot I want 2 do in life or at Uni, & I haven't got much time left 2 decide...

Ah sod it, I can't think of nething else 2 write, but I'll b back... after some sleep maybe

Cya all l8r...