I've revived my opendiary account... link in my sig. I'll be cutting and pasting from there from now on.

I wrote two entries today, so, I'll post 'em both.

Friday, October 26, 2001

Weekends rawk. xD (11am or so)
I totally lucked out and had no classes today! This week Thursday and Friday, as well as the weekend, is the WMEA (Wisconsin Music Educators Association) state conference... most all my music teachers, and many of my peers, are attending. So, many classes cancelled... yesterday I only had one class, today I had none! =D

To make it even better, in a couple hours my roommate's leaving, and she'll not be back 'til late, if at all (she may go to her parents' home for the weekend)... so, I get the room to myself! I enjoy my time alone. Relaxing is a good thing!


I'm looking forward to a weekend of hanging with Laura and Joel (since those morons Dan and Mike are going home, hmph), and killing time posting and chatting with my numerous online friends.


I'm slightly bored right now... taking a break from playing FFVI, heh, I thought to check my e-mail, but as always I have none. I'm so unloved. =P I'll probably go spam up the various fora I'm registered with. Heh, I complain about belonging to too many to keep up with, yet I joined still another today, Bastardly Productions. It looks like an entertaining place.


Hm, what else can I ramble about? Eh, I don't know, so, I'll just stop for now.




Grr. (6:45pm or so)
I'm really cranky all of a sudden. Maybe it's because the caffeinated goodness from my cappuchino wore off. I don't know. For whatever reason, people are annoying me. It's easy enough to stay in my room apart from people, seeing as most all my friends have either gone home for the weekend, or are out doing stuff. Online, the people I'd like to talk to aren't around, and the people who are talking to me are annoying me... no fault of theirs, I'm just not in a very sociable mood.

That and I'm bored. I have this time to myself tonight and I don't want to be by myself yet again, dammit! Even when I'm hanging with my friends (on- or offline), I feel so freakin' isolated.


People just don't understand me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those "ooh, I'm so different and mysterious, you'll never understand me" type people. It's true, though. People don't understand me, only a small amount have even put forth any effort to try. It hurts when I have something I'd like to discuss with a friend, and I know aforementioned friend just wouldn't get it, or would be weirded out, or somesuch thing.


Times like this, I just wish I could go away and not come back, just leave everyone and everything I know and start completely over again. It'd be the third time I've started over. Heh. Am I just not able to be happy? I make peace with and begin getting along with my family, I make friends, I fall in love, and then I systematically start to drive all those special people in my life away from me. Why the hell do I always do that? Is it fear? Anger? I'm I more masochistic than I thought, and just feel like hurting myself by depriving myself of companionship and happiness? I don't have the slightest idea, but it's got to stop. I just need someone to be here with me, here for me, but the few who I could trust enough for that task aren't around, and probably won't be. Ah, well. Es la vida.


I'll stop now.