The Journal Thread (October)

[Scottie]

Dear Journal,

I made a new journal thread. It was fun.

[Ashi]

About time. -.^

Mood: Disappointed.
Music: Simon - Lifehouse
Entry:

Hmmm.. *thinks*
Oh! I got up late today and felt kinda cranky. xD

The most annoying thing happaned today! Well, last night at about ten thirty or closer to eleven, I started downloading episode 18 of Evangelion; but I didn't watch it. The download took about two, three hours; maybe more. And early this evening, I recieved the DVD. Gosh; I should remember things like that! I mean, if I knew they were gonna send the DVD today I wouldn't have downloaded the eppie *sighs*. I would've probably downloaded a music video or something. But it was fun staying online at night with a good "reason" to. xD Hehe.

...something weird happened to me. I don't like the smilies anymore. I mean, the graphical ones. xD

Ohh; and I gots new CDs today! *Thanks the person who sent them*. "Yourself or Someone Like you" (Matchbox Twenty), "Human Clay" (Creed) and "No Name Face" (Lifehouse). The last two came together. =) I'm listening to No Name Face now. I might listen to Human Clay while reading Agatha Christie tonight; Creed are gwate! =)

I was just talking to Skye (Nicole). I haven't seen her in a bit. It's nice to catch up with people. I also got a message from Chelle (Sapphire) today. Yay!

Steve, Aaron, Pat and I played basketball yesterday. Pat was on my team and Aaron was on Steve's. Pat was no help at all. But we ended up getting a tie anyway. No, me being older than them all has nothing to do with it. Steve is a great player, if we had played for any longer he would've beaten us. Whenever the ball went near Pat she'd drop down and hold her head. xD *laughs*

Later that evening (yesterday) I went for a walk. I thought about things; lots of things; none that I can remember right now. Hehe. >=D

Awwww; I just remembered. "R" told me he might go to the club this evening; and I'm not doing anything special ... I wanna go! ... but ... I kinda already planned to stay home and relax. The last few days seem like such a blur. I mean .. like a dream or something. I think things are calming down for me. I wouldn't mind .. even if they just calm down for a day.

*Giggles* Mum just saw all the CDs. She say's they're too much for one day. Yikes. Looks like I should refrain from getting stuff now. =O Ah well, I'm broke anyway. I want to save up and get a ... "thing". Well I was saving up for something but when I forgot what it was I went out and got stuff.

*Lets out a squeal* Eeeeeeeee! My sister just said my father might take us to Sushi Corner. It's 7 PM ... yeah, still early anyway. But ... was she serious? *squeals again*
...
Okay, I'm outties. =D

[Daryl]

Thursday, October 4, 2001

Yeah, life pretty much sucks. I feel horrible today... the illness I've been fighting the last week finally won, and took me full force. One of the many oh-so-fun affects of this is that I'm losing my voice -- a great thing for a vocalist.

Stressed doesn't even begin to cover it. I'm having steady conflict with my roommate, who also happens to serve on my hall's exec board, along with me. I have to tiptoe around all that so as not to create chaos on the job. Grr.

The few people I really like to talk to, online and offline, I never seem to catch anymore. It's frustrating. I know they're around, yet I can't see them. My offline friends and I have been busy with various Homecoming activities, and studying, so we're never free at the same times. My online friends, I really don't know what they do, except the ones I'd really like to talk to are never on the messanging programs anymore, although I see plenty of posts by 'em. But when they are on AIM or Y!M, and I try a conversation, it usually dies within a few minutes. Oh, well. I guess I shouldn't complain, I'm more than used to being alone.

Let's see, what else to write about? Do I have anything happy to throw into my first October entry? Not really. What a shocker.

Sorry if I brought any of you readers down with this. I'll stop now.

~Daryl

[Shoeberto]

10/4/01 9:00 PM

Hmm, lesse what I need to fill you all in about. *thinks*
...
Not much. Monday, I stayed home sick from school (aceness). Yesterday was my birthday (thanks for the thread, Linoosh). Today...I did very little. School is becoming too repetitive. It's always the same old same old. 'Meh' would be the word to put in here.

I've been playing a lot of Diablo, FF7, and Fallout 2. What a coincidence that all of them are rigged games. (I used the debug room in FF7, savestate editor for Fallout 2, and a hack file for Diablo >=D )

My geetar busted on Sunday. Dunno what happened, but I'm not getting anything but string noise. My mom was supposed to get it into the music store today, but she wasn't able to. Meh.

I did, however, get my present from my grandparents today. Ten bucks. Not as much as usual, but it's cash, and I could use a lot more of it

Tommorow's Friday, thank goodness. I don't plan on doing anything this weekend. For the first time in a while, I'm just gonna hang out...relax. Y'know what it's like.

[Silverlocke]

I feel like I have to write something about this, because it's been really difficult lately, and I don't think I've written much of anything about it.

My Mother is getting quite difficult. I think "destroying my life" is a bit overly dramatic, but it's a problem, I daresay my foremost problem.

I live with only her, I took care of her for months after she had surgery and my brother moved out, and she's making my life hell. Imposing restrictions, trying to order me around (which, for the sake of self-esteem, I should note doesn't work), throwing out my things, the fits of screaming and swearing, getting angry at me and wishing me dead because I DON'T respond to her...She can't seem to stand the fact that I have a life.

Three things in last two days that I can't see justified, under any circumstances: 1. Telling my best friend that I was busy for the night and couldn't see him, even though I'd said nothing like that, 2. going through MY room and throwing out all my little trophies and medals and things that I'd won in little league and debating and camp and stuff. Some of those meant something to me, and now all I have is one little plaque thingy from last year. She even threw out my junior high graduation certificate. Why? Because I didn't move a couch for her in the morning. 3. Not coming to my brother's graduation. There was no reason for it other than to hurt his feelings, and it's despicable. He didn't do anything to her.

It's getting very difficult to stay calm and act happy these days. She isn't someone I try to listen to, but I live with her, for now, and it's really affecting how I'm acting towards other people. I'm not talking to my friends as much, I'm not talking to people online as nicely, I'm losing marks. Dammit, I shouldn't complain, but it's getting worse. I had a respite over the summer, and now it's getting bad again, and I find myself being depressed during the day again. *sigh* Sometimes I wish I could just have my Mom back...

But it won't happen. I'm just biding time until I can leave, and we both know that now. Tick-tock, tick-tock. I can have so many great things in my life yet this one is managing to make me unhappy. It's just the constant stuff. It's always something. I can't recall she last time she said something nice about anyone or anything, and it's sad. Oh well...

~~Silverlocke

[Calliope]

so...brick wall...we meet again. well, i think you're in for a surprise! that's right! I have a SECRET WEAPON! aha! it's um...around here somewhere...hang on...i left it in my bag...here it is! and now, brick wall, watch as you crumble at the wrath of this...plastic spork? plastic spork??!! how the hell am i supposed to do anything now. oh well, that's just drainpipe-trouser-tastic, isn't it? argh...stupid confusing stupidness.

[bennator]

10/05/01
11:27 P.M.
--------------

Rain

That pretty much sums up today. School was fine, and since it was homecoming week, about half of the day was spent at a pep rally. I had to stay after for Forensics, and then came home and went back fro the homecoming parade/game. I had three T-Shirts on, and a change of clothes in my gig bag, as well as the thick band raincoat. Well, by the time the parade started my coat had soaked through and my jeans were all wet. Once I got up into the stands, there was such a cold wind that my hands and legs went numb. I was out in the cold, heavy, driving rain for about four hours, and we left the stadium right after halftime. I finally made it home, and I'm eagerly anticipating homecoming dance tommorow.

[Umi Butterfly]

I just remembered I was going to write and entry a wile ago... too bad I forgot.

Meh.

My week :

Co-op at Mental ward in hosptial.
Go to friends 18th party.
Homework.
Work.
Sleep.
More work.
Movies with friends.
Attempting all nighters.
Tutouring.
Singing Class.
Have friend over and play computer games.
Go out with girl friend and do stuff.
Stuff.
Again, work.


Meh... I'm totally whiped out. Stick a fork in me and turn me over, because I'm done like dinner.

Good night and good weekend all. And for all those who are Canadians, Happy Thanksgiving Weekend!

[Shoeberto]

10/6/01 12:48 PM

I just realized that I keep on losing. I realized this today with my friends. Every time we have gotten something good this year, something had to come and knock us down. Seriously. I wait through the stressful week for a weekend, and end up getting depressed during the weekends from random things. It sucks.

My mom's taking my guitar in tommorow (or today, whatever) to get it looked at. I really want to play it, but I haven't been able to >_<

I'm gonna start working on my LJ. I made one a while ago, but I never really used it. I'm going to now. (the link to it is http://www.livejournal.com/users/uselessrandom/ )

Meh. That's all I have to say to sum this all up.

[Thalia]

Hi diary
I wonder how it will go today...I mean, the wedding and all. I'm supposed to be a waitress and not to do any mistakes. But with my clumsiness, I'll probably end up spilling the main course all over the bride.

And my dad, he's mad and sad at me. I know I don't like it here, I mean, I love my dad of course, but I still don't like it here. I like it much better down at mums place. And now my lil' bro said he wanted to fix so that we would spend one week at my mums place, then one week here, and so on. I dont want that. Firstly, I'll have to walk 3km from school, uphill. Secondly, I'd have to be so social with the kids, at mums place I have more freedom for me.

But, back to happy things
I might be able to go to london soon! And shop, shop and shop all day long! Maybe I should go to Bournemouth instead, they have better shops there and it aint so very expensive. But then again, I just used 500$ on clothes, only clothes.... I think I have enough for a couple of weeks.

And soon my friends bday!!!

[Loony BoB]

I'm visiting somewhere between the mortal world and Hell. I dunno. It's fairly Sonny.

Emma and I are in our most heated argument right now, and there's nobody online to make me feel better. *wants to be put to sleep for a long, long time*

[Daryl]

Saturday, October 6, 2001 - 10:28 AM CST

My week of Homecoming Hell has come to an end! Last night, I finally couldn't take it. All week people have been slacking on their activities, things they volunteered for... the last night, for a skit-thing we were supposed to do... the people who were set up to do it went home from campus! I was so angry that I realized despite the fact that I was the one coordinating Homecoming activities for my residence hall, that I just couldn't go to the stuff taking place this morning. Instead, I took Benadryl at four in the morning, and slept through it all, 'til my phone rang around ten.

So, at least one stress-causer is out of the way. Which brings me to my problem...

Last night, around 3:30 or so, just before bed I fell into this...mood. I realized that I'm not living up to anyone's expectations, I'm failing miserably, and not pleasing anyone. My teachers, my boss, my family, my friends, I'm not being what anyone expects or wants me to be. Now, normally I'm all for "don't be what they want, be what you are" but that's not really what I'm doing. I don't know how to describe it.

The funniest part is that I know that the few people who's opinion of me truly matters have no 'expectations' of me. My family's made it clear that I can do what I want with my life. I've chosen college, they're great with that, but they made it clear they'd be fine if I had just chosen to go into the workforce instead. My friends, Hell, they're my friends... offline or online, they're the ones who choose to hang around me, so if they don't like who I am, why would they stick around? I think that's what I'm afraid of, though. That I haven't been completely honest about who I am, how I am, how I want to be... and that as they find out, as I let the 'real me' shine through, my loved ones will scatter, not liking that Becky. Which is stupid, I know, but I'm afraid... the stronger I care for someone, the more afraid I am of letting them get close, or stay close, to me, because closeness makes one vulnerable, and then able to be hurt, and also because I figure once they see who I really am, see past my everyday facade... despite the close relationship, they'll all leave, out of dissapointment or whatnot that I'm not who they want me to be.

And, I don't know why the Hell I'm writing this all here. Maybe 'cause a friend last night suggested just writing it all out to clear my head, and it felt like a good idea. And while this is far from everything, since some is just too personal for a public journal... I guess I feel better. Well, not really. I'm still confused, angry, upset, and just 'meh' in general, for lack of better terminology.

That means I should stop now.

~Daryl

[Danni]

yesterday started out wonderful and rainy.. and just like the weather my day turned itside inside out. The coming of the sun brought with it sadness and anger. It would explain my overt hate for any form of discrimination, and my passion to fight for anyone who has been insulted because they are different as of late. Yesterday was the culmination of all those feelings.. I was livid.. I wanted to rip someone in half.. yet all I could do was hold my friend as he bled and try not to cry or kill the person who had hurt him..

Today has just begun for me.. I have a day of packing ahead of me, packing and last minute arrangements. I'm going to Virginia until thanksgiving.. yay.. too bad I'm already considered a misery chick there... sad considering i've never talked to or met any of the people saying so...I'm off to continue packing now.. enjoy the sunshine everyone...

[Ashi]

Again, this is from my Lj.

Mood: amused.
Music: What's This Life For by Creed. (acoustic).
Entry:

I thought about it all and I think I'm kinda "not" together with the rest of the group (of friends) because I'm too quiet. And I never protest when I get left behind; Faith gets left behind sometimes and she protests about it, so does Mimi. So ... I guess I should protest also ... just to let them now that I'm "alive" too.

I forgot to mention this earlier ... I finally finished reading The Mirror Crack'd from Side to Side by Agatha Christie yesterday. Remember that book? From aaaaaages ago. Well, the thing is I was going to take it with me when I'd gone to KSA but I accidently left it at home and when we came back I'd forgotten all about it. But when I remembered I started to look for it and didn't find it. And when I did I didn't have time to read it. *falls over* But I did some serious reading in the last couple of days and finished yesterday. Yay!

But I had my suspiciouns about the person who murdered all the people since .. like .. really early and the motives were also what I thought. *faints* And I'm never right. When I finished reading I was like all jumping around the living room saying: "I knew it! I knew it!" and mum thought I went mad. ^_^;;;

I was working on the "profile" section of the new site (still not gonna put the url up yet ... thought it's already there at Laurens' forums). *dies* Oh yeah, while I worked on the "profile" section, the compy froze. *sigh* *doesn't want to check and see if she had already saved parts of it 'cose she doesn't want to be disappointed* xD.

[Agent Proto]

I have decided to have my named changed at EoFF from Agent Proto to something more practical which could go with any theme I choose. When and if the admin I PMed decides to change it, I will now be known as Preton at these forums. I will keep the nickname Proto at chat for some people convenience, but at the forums, I decided to go for a change. I hope people will accept my new screen name.