So I was in London touring with my wildly successful heavy metal band, who you are all no doubt fans of, and we tried to engage the crowd.
"Let's hear some noise from all of the cockneys!" I yelled, and lo, there was noise.
The drummer called out "Now the Irishmen!" and there was NOISE!
I called out "Are the French here?", and there was noise, and when it subsided, I said "Get out."
At this point one person actually got up and started to move. "Woah there, I wasn't being serious," I called out.
For some reason, there was a mic at the back and he answered "I'm not French, I'm peeing."
"Well then," replied I, "I'll expect a full status report on your return."
When Pee Guy returned, we stopped midsong and called out "Well how was it?" He looked shocked. "I wasn't kidding about the status report."
"Uh, it was OK?" he returned?
Having invested this much attention in Pee Guy, the drummer suggested we invite him up on the stage, with anyone he was along with. Pee Guy, his girlfriend in tow, came up and waved for the crowd.
"LET'S HEAR IT FOR PEE GUY AND WHATSHERNAME!" And the crowd went wild.
"Now face each other," I said, and stood between them, facing the crowd. "We are gathered here today," I intoned, "to join Pee Guy and Whatshername in holy matrimony."
Now in the first place, the joke didn't get as much of a laugh as I was hoping for. I mean, it was a pretty funny joke. Maybe it would have been funnier to fake marry people who don't even know each other, but it was still a pretty damn good setup. I think I deserved a lot more laughs than I got. The problem is, Pee Guy totally ruined it.
After the (clearly insufficient) laughter died down, Pee Guy shrugged, pulled out a ring, and actually proposed. On stage. In front of thousands of people. The bastard totally jacked my joke!
As it turns out, Pee Guy was the Crown Prince of Japan. My drummer, Christopher Walken, had been trying to tell me all along. And just when I thought the day couldn't get worse, our tour bus was completely filled with ninjas. It took hours to clear them out.
So how was your day?