Doctor Kanno. Unliscenced Psychologist

[Wolf Kanno]

Help doctor! I'm in the trunk of a car and it's filling up with water!

See, had you kept your mouth shut when I was placing you in my trunk you would not have alerted that cop. Now He's dead cause I killed him and I had to ditch the car in the lake.

The lesson: Children should be seen and not heard, or in the case of them being kidnapped and placed in a car by a shady unliscenced psychologist: The y should not be seen or heard

I have died. What should I do now?

Rejoice in knowing you won't live to see the day FFX-3 is released. Or I get to have quality time with a woman again.

I am in love with an unlicensed psychologist, what do I do?

It's a good thing you came to me to talk about such a serious topic. Don't bother. Let me be the first to tell you that all unliscenced psychologist are dead beat losers who like to belittle others in a sad attempt to bring meaning to their pathetic existence. I don't know who this person is but take my advice not to bother unless alcohol and loneliness are invloved.

smurf me now.

*SMURF*

Was it good for you?

I took a bath, but I used bleach instead of water...
I now have no skin. This seems to be a problem.

I have also noticed that this small critter



has attached itself to my right testicle.

You seem like you are quite the cleaner. I could use someone to dispose... I mean clean up my place after my late night sessions with patients.

Onto your problem. Having no skin will make your senses even greater so use them to overcome your handicap of no defense against disease and the elements. As for the creature, fear not... for it is a testical fairy who comes when it senses the stench of burning pubic hair. If you cut off your testicles and leave them in a busy intersection with the Testicle Fairy; it will return one year later with a ball of twine in exchange.

Now take the ball of twine and go to ther southern reaches of the Congo. There you will find a tribe that needs a ball of twine in order to appease their wrathful god. The god in thanks will give you a duck that doesn't quack which you must immediately take to a man in Belgium who has been in a coma for 69 years. This man will awake and be so grateful he will give you a Barrle of Ale his ancestor made to be used only for special occasions. Now travel to Greenland and give it to the love sick whale marroned on it's icy beaches. This will give it the confidence it needs to get some action. With the whale gone, the local village can go back to making their documentary on how to properly club a baby seal. Search the rotting corpses of seal guts to find a ruby ring...

Now here's the important part: Take the ring to 12th side boulevard Brooklyn. There you will meet MC Snuggles who you will have to defeat in a "Yo Mama" contest. Afterwards he will take you to New Jersey where you must collect the various parts to help rebuild Coop's XLR in order to thwart the alien invasion. Afterwards when you are celebrating with a philly cheese steak sandwichs, tell him the secret message I'm telepathically telling you now and he will lead you to a magical wardrobe that takes you to a magical world it rain gummi bears and koala's crap rainbow's into people's brains. Wait until a meteor hits the planet and knocks you into the middle of nowhere. There you will come across a farm house. Don't bother speaking to the old woman cause she is oblivious to everything. DO NOT talk to the old farmer as he will chase you away. Instead speak to the purlpe dog as he is the only one there who knows the truth. He will lead you to a washing machine that will return you to our world. It will specifically leave you in Cleavland Ohio where you will see a little girl crying cause she doesn't know how to jump rope. Teach her how to do it and once she can skip to 100 she will give you the "Sword of Heroes" which is the most powerful sword in the game and adds +25 to your attack and sarcasm as well as adds a +5% to your "verbal wounding" ability.

With this bad boy, it's easy to defeat the evil Overlord and win the game of life. Congratulations!

[Peegee]

Good doctor I have escaped from my watery tomb (next time don't leave the internal handle intact). Now I need to hunt down a certain, too mouthy, pendantic armchair psychologist.

How do I go about doing this?

[Bunny]

I have died. What should I do now?

Haha! Shame!! *bashes*
I love my job.:cool:

You should ask Dr. Kanno what the cure for lame is. You've got a nasty case of it.

[Christmas]

My fish can't walk nor does it give birth to an elephant.

[Giga Guess]

My fish can't walk nor does it give birth to an elephant.

Yeah, I have that same problem! Stupid fish.

[yanis]

Doc, I'm addicted to eoff...

[NeoCracker]

Dr. Kanno, I have a major problem. As time goes on, I have been falling more and more in love with a certain Poster on this forum. They way his hair magicly flows in my imagination every time he says something. The smooth tone of his voice (Which I never actually heard by the way) magicly sooths my every nerve. However, it seems as of late he has abandoned us all. I don't want to tell him my love for him unless he is here to hear it, so that I won't feel embarassed when he doesn't answer my love for him. So tell me Dr, is it worth the risk of exposing my love to a person I almost know won't answer me, or should shall I leave his name anonymous?

[Spammerman]

Can you find me a cure for my latent vampirism?

Theres one of those in Oblivion.

[Dr. Acula]

I have died. What should I do now?

Haha! Shame!! *bashes*
I love my job.

You should ask Dr. Kanno what the cure for lame is. You've got a nasty case of it.

That's not very nice! But I'll ask him anyway.
Dr. Kanno, what's the cure for lame?

[Wolf Kanno]

Good doctor I have escaped from my watery tomb (next time don't leave the internal handle intact). Now I need to hunt down a certain, too mouthy, pendantic armchair psychologist.

How do I go about doing this?

I knew I should have used the Oldsmobile...

Certainly don't talk to the "one armed man". Though he is the only one who knows that I'm currently stalking a certain individual...

My fish can't walk nor does it give birth to an elephant.

You should return it and ask for a new one. If they refuse... release a snake into the hamster pit. If that only gets you kicked out... stay in front of the store and tell people they sell their unsold animals to the local chinese food store for quick catch. Also that the manager sodomizes the animals every night.

Doc, I'm addicted to eoff...

Either spam the threads with insulting and un-PC slander so Unne bans you or come to the realization that you have a problem... You are addicted to other people's problems and you like to talk about it. Basically you are emo... so start an emo rock band and sing songs about cutting yourself. You'll be too busy with drugs and your career to care anymore.

Dr. Kanno, I have a major problem. As time goes on, I have been falling more and more in love with a certain Poster on this forum. They way his hair magicly flows in my imagination every time he says something. The smooth tone of his voice (Which I never actually heard by the way) magicly sooths my every nerve. However, it seems as of late he has abandoned us all. I don't want to tell him my love for him unless he is here to hear it, so that I won't feel embarassed when he doesn't answer my love for him. So tell me Dr, is it worth the risk of exposing my love to a person I almost know won't answer me, or should shall I leave his name anonymous?

I admire your courage to come to me with such a serious problem. My advice is to try and talk to this person directly. Try to PM them or send them an email with a straightforward but concise message of your feelings. If that doesn't work... Start a thread about it and post pictures of yourself photoshopped into looking like a cat lady that proclaim your undying love for this person...

I have died. What should I do now?

Haha! Shame!! *bashes*
I love my job.

You should ask Dr. Kanno what the cure for lame is. You've got a nasty case of it.

That's not very nice! But I'll ask him anyway.
Dr. Kanno, what's the cure for lame?

Lame can be cured by combining Christmas' hatred with Schlupquack's insanity and finally a dash of Roto's Awesomesause. That or you get some malcontent forum troll bent on ruling the interweb.

[Peegee]

Good doctor I have approached the one-armed man as you suggested, but I didn't know what to do with him.

I now have three arms, so to speak, and a screaming, irate man.

What do I do?

[Serapy]

I love to watch my watch ticking most of times, care to explain why?

[Hazzard]

A monkey bit my ankle and called me Jimbo, should I worry that I might of been adopted by monkeys, and my name is in fact-"Jimbo" ?

[Wolf Kanno]

Good doctor I have approached the one-armed man as you suggested, but I didn't know what to do with him.

I now have three arms, so to speak, and a screaming, irate man.

What do I do?

Stuff the extra arm in the screaming man's mouth to shut him up. Now while he's no longer making noise, you need to quickly dive in and grab those precious organs he no longer needs. The quality doesn't need to be great as long as they are still functioning... this is imperetive as you need to move quickly!!! Then sell them to Earl who lives down the street. He'll get you a nice sum of cash. Now take a trip to Jamaica and I'll meet you there with your "psychologist".

I love to watch my watch ticking most of times, care to explain why?

It means you have a compulsary urge to do monotonous things. You probably like watching grass grow... :rolleyes2 Anyway, I feel you need to get out and explore the world cause obviously you have way too much time on your hands. Explore, fall in love, get a job, steal from this job, create memories, kill a hobo, run for office, break up, cry, laugh, and otherwise live. We really don't have much time in our lives and it's so easy for us to let our dreams slip away...

A monkey bit my ankle and called me Jimbo, should I worry that I might of been adopted by monkeys, and my name is in fact-"Jimbo" ?

Yes, but in reality you need to be more concerned about a man named Snake cause he hunts monkeys. Also be aware if the monkeys start training you for the "revolution". A war is coming people... the monkeys are being trained to use "barrels" to fight us. We need hammers as quickly as possible

[Peegee]

'Jamaican me crazy, heir doctor'

So I killed Earl like you told me to and stole his cash. Now I'm hiding out in Jamaica while people are after me, but that cursed psychologist who locked me in that car will have to die.

BTW when are you coming?

Oh crap, I swallowed the poison tipped dart I meant to shoot you....I mean that angsty psychologist! What do I do??