I'm so awesome if you have five dollars and I have five dollars, I have more money than you.

I'm so awesome there is no CTRL button on my keyboard. I'm always in control.

I'm so awesome I can sneeze with my eyes open.

I'm so awesome I destroyed the periodic table because I only recognize the element of surprise.

I'm so awesome I'm suing Myspace for taking the name of what I call everything around you.

I'm so awesome, when the boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for me.

I'm so awesome I don't read books, I stare them down until I get the information I want.

Edit
I'm so awesome, I don't wear a watch, I decide what time it is