Good evening, viewers, and welcome to the annual Ciddies Revelation Party Show! Here on the red carpet, Rye & Psy Rivers are here to comment on the sizzling fashion of the sexiest male members of the forum. Let's see how these hot young men look on this fine evening!
Rye: Well, I'm about as excited for this as Loony BoB with vegemite down his y-fronts and quilt. What about you, Mr. Psy Rivers? How do you feel tonight?
Psy: Darling I am so hyped for this that I am sweating like Momiji in a Tokyo elementary school.
Rye: Yeah, I know! This event is so fun that it's almost illegal too! Well, let's get on with the first sexy stallion on the red carpet, Breine!
Breine
Psy: My my! It's Lord Chappingsworth and his gruff Cockney manservant.
Rye: He's certainly stately looking. But what is in his hoodie pocket?
It's straining the material in a.... oh my.
Psy: That's the British gentry, for you. They can polish the crown jewels while still keeping a sense of dignity.
Rye: It looks like his bowler hat friend is unzipping,so I guess you're right. And they can even keep it
up with a British flag perched upon their left shoulder! Or at least, Mr. Sexy Breine can, in his fabulous silk top hat and famous Evastio Gabanna Italian Scarf.
Psy: Yes, you know a lot of men can't pull off the shoulder flag, but Breine does it. It's those sumptuous scandinavian lips of his. I could drown in them. I also particularly like the light perched on top of his hat. You never know when you're going to end up in a coal mine when you're with Lord Chappingsworth!
Rye: I suppose he uses the umbrella as a type of lamp shade as well. You can stand him in a corner and he's even sexier than that fishnet leg lamp from A Christmas Story.
Psy: I'm going to have to disagree there. The umbrella was an extremely poor choice. It never rains in England, after all, so what good is it? Perhaps fending off baboons or savage tribal folk while they're off on adventures in the Congo. But I kind of think all of their adventures revolve around visiting opium dens and giving a bit of how's-yer-father to some Thai prostitutes.
Rye: He definitely seems to be an exploring type of a man, the original Nigel Thornberry, but he's certainly sexy enough to come home and get some ass in Jolly Ol'. He even took Mary Poppin's umbrella as proof after a one night stand.
Psy: Now now this is where I absolutely draw the line. Mary Poppins was a living saint, and the only man who ever gave her a spoonful of sugar was Bert.
Rye: It gives a whole new meaning to a spoonful of sugar... Oh Psy Rivers! You know me so well!
Psy: We should probably plan our metaphors in advance. Next time, you can say that Breine will go fly her kite.
Rye: Okay, you can say that he'll jolly her holiday, in that case.
PSY: I think it's safe to say that his heart won't be the only thing that's beating like a big brass band.
Rye: Oh my! Perhaps we should move onto our next male before you chim chim your cher-ee.
PSY :I think it's a little too late. But sock it to me, baby.
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Rye: Okay, now onto our sexy asian man, PG!
We can see that he is sporting a fur coat, under his pants. You can just barely see it!
PSY:
A fur coat? Is that what it is?
I thought he'd stuffed a gerbil down there or something.
Rye: No. I think asians eat those, so it wouldn't last very long, I'm afraid!
PSY
They also leave great big stains on the walls.
I'm assuming that's from him trying to ejaculate as high as he possibly can.
Rye: Oh dear! It looks more like two giant eyes on the wall. I sure hope he's not trying to draw a portrait
PSY: Maybe he was going for a trickshot and split it in two somehow. Although this isn't something I really want to dwell on. Just sayin', those Asians need to practice their bukkake skills.
Rye:
I wonder if they take classes for that. In that case, that'd explain where his clothes money has gone, because there's not much of a wardrobe to this male! Besides his fur coat, he's wearing a pair of dark washed jeans and a camera around his neck. I wonder what he's wearing that for!
Psy: Isn't PG that guy who goes up to people on the street and then asks if he can take a photo of their pubes?
I swear to god we had a member who did that. Maybe it was The Captain, idk.
Rye:
I dunno, are you sure you aren't thinking of that one who tells girls to send him samples of their hairs for his collection?
I think that's Baloki though, trying to make an authentic calico fur suit.
Psy: I'd like to see Baloki and Pureghetto locked in a room with a fox. Would it be eaten or humped first?
Rye: It would be skinned for a below the pants fur coat, obviously, Psy Rivers!
PSY: And this is why statues of the Virgin Mary cry blood.
Rye: Damn furriners. We'd best go on to our next sexy guy.
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Psy: Whoa! Hobgoblins! You can't cross a bridge in Norway without a pack of these things leaping out from under it.
Rye: I, for one, find it deplorable that people in Norway still drive such out of date vehicles. Wooden cars? What's next, still traveling by viking boat?
Psy: Let's not judge these tribal people too harshly. They will join the 21st Century in their own time.
Rye: It appears that Levian is wearing a large tribal headdress and ceremony clothing. What do you think they're celebrating, Mr. Rivers?
PSY: I daresay they must have encountered poor Lord Chappingsworth on one of his many jaunts, and devoured him whole. The savages.
Look, they're even having victory drinks. I'm not entirely sure what they're drinking, but I think it's safe to say that whatever it is, it came from an elk.
Rye:
I think I see one of them in the distance, trying to use Lord Chappingsworth's umbrella to carve up reindeer meat. God bless the little brutes' hearts.
PSY: Is that shack behind them Levian's bachelor pad? The rent on that place must be extreme. I'm talking two or three shiny stones a month, here.
He even has the town pole in his front yard. That's just excess.
Rye:
That pole easily cost one or two photos of the FRIENDS cast. Maybe that's why his clothes are in a tear.
No, I think that's just because he is a sloppy bum with no self-respect.
Rye:
Where's Lord Chappingsworth's British conquistador mates when you need them?
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Noctiluca, from the Rantzien Album Collection:
Psy: Well, while I appreciate the sentiment that I am a player, I most certainly do not "sux".
Rye: Ssssh, now, Psy Rivers. It's not worth it. He could easily stomp you down with those brawny legs.
Psy: Is he naked from the waist down? Or is that a dress?
Rye: Knowing Rantzien's Swedish charms, he's naked. He only appears to be wearing a sign, and a brown designer t-shirt.
Psy: I guess wearing brown is pretty useful if you're interested in scatplay. And for legal reasons, I'm not going to say that Noctiluca is involved in such activities, but if you've ever smelled him, well, you'll know what I am getting at.
Rye: I hear that when he's not wearing that brown shirt, he wears his sexy boyfriend. He's quite handsome, that young man. But yes, he's mostly naked.
I do like his glasses though. I have a pair like that. Does that mean that I like scat too?
Psy: I guess it always helps to wear protective goggles to shield oneself from the chocolate blast.
Rye: Didn't Lord Chappingsworth first discover chocolate in the wilds of the rain forest during one of his hunts...
...…..
PSY: It's amazing what you can get a villager to do for some shells and a comb.
Is that a Dharma Initiative logo rug I spy?
Rye: Come to thnk of it, I think he was the guy who asked Jin to pee on his foot. Looks like he lost a good 200 lbs though and got a whole lot sexier.
PSY: Hurley: The Internet Years.
Rye: Why is the world so sordid, Mr Rivers?
PSY: What is inside the hatch?
Rye: The things in there would curl your hair
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Rye: Well...
Psy: Nope. No. Not touching that one. I'm sorry, but that is just not gonna happen.
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Loony BoB
Psy: Blimey, he's showing off more of his pubes than Pureghetto did. He even has a happy trail. That's so darling
Rye: That's certainly a thick hard.... buckle.
PSY: Yeah I don't know what's going on with that hat. It's like some brutal amalgamation of a pimp hat and a pilgrim's.
"Goody smitten, would you by any chance like to purvey my fine biznatches?"
Rye: Giving out smallpox blankets and bangin' bitches.
PSY: Diss is how we roll in Jamestown! Represent!
Rye: I see his shirt says "original 68"... one has to wonder if that's what came before 69.
The original - doing it Mayflower style.
PSY: I don't know what came before 69, but I know what came during 69! Helloooooooooo!
Rye: Oh, Mr. Rivers! I think settling in the North American continent during the colonial times was how he got to recruiting Leeza to join EoFF
PSY: Colonial times? I thought that broad came from the crusades. Heard she decapitated many a Turk.
Rye: I think that feather in BoB's hat is a gift from the original chicken. Leeza knows what came first.
PSY: One thing I have to say though, if you don't want to look like a creepy kiddie-snatching smurf, don't smile with your mouth closed.
Rye: Too true! You would know that, wouldn't you, Mr. Rivers?
PSY: Look, all I am saying is that if you're rocking the Ed Gein facial hair, smiling like you want to show me some puppies isn't the best way to make me think of you as someone whose hobbies do not include rape, murder, and posting on 4chan.
Rye: If you smile, instead, you might look like a Nigerian Prince who needs money wired before he can help resecure the fortune.
PSY: PLEASE BE HELPING ME FOR YOU SEE I AM RICH NIGERIAN EMPLOYEE. ENGLISH LORD IN TOP HAT STOLE MY OPIUM AND THEN DID TOILET ON DAUGHTER FACE.
Rye: Can't expect much from someone who lives right next to prisoner island, though. He was probably busted for selling tainted drugs to the Norwegians.
hi hi mates has a whole new meaning now... hi hi mate indeed.
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And that concludes the Rye & Psy Rivers Ciddies Red Carpet Event! Each of our men are sexy, complicated, and all with their deep secrets and desires. But which is the sexiest? We find out now:
Originally Posted by Marshall Banana
Good work, Breine my man.
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