That would make sense if I, personally and arbitrarily, defined the rules of English instead of honouring the time-honoured, established, and functional conventions without which intelligible conversation would be impossible.

Also, why is it that when I post a lucid, erudite comedic rant, I'm a pathetic whiner, but when I pist a banal tweet about arse hair, I'm brilliant? I despair for humanity.

EDIT: @Jentleness: I'm posting my replies, albeit not the original post, from my mobile phone. Furthermore, I am doing so in proper English. I assure you, it does not hurt.