I tossed a giant smurfing rock boulder at my 4 or 5 year old brother (I would've been 7 or 8 at the time) and split his goddamn head right the smurf open. Lied and said it was an accident. His constant stupidity is an eternal reminder that I probably caused him brain damage. Didn't really get disciplined though, it was more a case of "HOLY smurf WE NEED TO MAKE SURE HE DOESN'T BLEED TO DEATH" and I got off with a stern talking to.

Most people think I was a really good kid and never got in trouble. This is false. I just lied my way out of things all the time to preserve my reputation. Like the time my best mate and I were having a play fight in second or third grade. The teacher on playground duty gave us these red cards which were supposed to get us detentions or something. I took them to the office like instructed and told the deputy I didn't know why we were supposed to bring them down and he was like "okay well carry on then". I think that was more the deputy being a bro than anything though, he was a good friend throughout my time at that school.