I was rollerblading when I was a kid down this stupidly curvy and steep hill. The reason I was doing this was because I thought Jet Set Radio Future was the coolest thing ever created. However, while rolling speedily around a curve, I realized that if I didn't stop myself from picking up more speed, I was going to get maimed at full force down at the bottom. Going pretty fast, I threw myself into the road's side-pit that was full of nothing but very sharp, fairly large, decorative rocks. Conceptualize: a bowling ball made of flesh, letting out a muffled scream, and bailing itself into the gutter before striking a bulldozer at the end of the alley. Good.

It hurt pretty bad and I'm surprised I didn't get some minor impalement type deal.


Also, when I was probably even younger, I went out in the snow with a snowboard, strapped it to my feet, and went down a hill. Since the pros on TV make it look easy, I tried to do a 360 by just jumping in the air while going down the hill and spinning. Conceptualize: A PlaySkool helicopter beginning to take off, losing power, and then toppling to the side and bouncing about the terrain until landing upside down. Good.

If I hadn't been forced to drink 3 glasses of whole milk a day by my mom at that age, I would've probably broken both of my ankles.

I'm pretty sure both of these experiences taught me how retarded it is to sacrifice both of your feet for extreme sports. Rollerblading is cool until you realize that as long as you have strips of wheels on the bottom of your feet, your chances of getting seriously hurt outside for transporting yourself is exponentially higher than everyone else who decided to keep their feet as an option. And snowboards just shouldn't be smurfing freely sold and given to 8 year olds. They're going to do something stupid. My friend used to strap on a snowboard and fly across his damn back porch off a children's plastic picnic table during the winter, and that's because he couldn't do it on his skateboard like usual. It was basically like standing there watching someone throw a skateboard at the railing back and forth and try to put their feet on it.

Click here to read about this kid breaking his arm I was behind this kid skateboarding and he straight up just fell on the ground and I went over to see if he was okay and he was screaming his face off, holding his now mutated arm in front of my face, screaming "I THINK I BROKE IT". I was laughing so hard, and then my friend's grandma just happende to drive by, so he basically skateboarded for 4 minutes, broke the absolute smurf out of his arm, and got a ride to the ER right after I got to watch how he handled shock.

You made me talk too much about my youth and the extreme sports I experimented with.