The Onion is your Bible. You live a life of falsehoods upheld by laugh nows and cry laters.
That isn't just a biblical truth, but the whole of reality. What do you think the people at the World Trade Center on 9/11 are thinking in their minds, both the condemned and the saved? Do you think the dependant box you live in is worth anything more then it's name represents?
I don't have to mock you. You mock yourself. You are quite literally the joke of the world, with the joke condoling your own ignorance.
*real trolling*