smurf your Wayne Rooney, I've a horse up front.

smurf your Danny Welbeck, I have a horse up front.

And smurf your Ashley Young, I've a horse up front.

In fact, for your benefit, I have created a simulation on FIFA 12 of Andy Carroll scoring his 45th goal of the season as Liverpool smash Man United 6-0.

(SPOILER)

This is the real reason why your fields of athenry are lonely. BECAUSE ANDY HAS EATEN YOU ALL. WAY-AY BIG ANDY MON.