Eyeson Plays Final Fantasy X

[Slothy]

I lost my first game barely cause freaking keepa is the worst goalie ever. Like wth. So i'ma restart and try it again damnit.

This. Also, how in the hell are these Luca Goers in better physical condition than a former professional Blitzball player and his buddy who both fight monsters for a living?

Seriously, screw that game.

[Pete for President]

Tempted to join in, gotta give FFX some love! Although... it's like the busiest month of the year for me. Who knows, I might join in a little later!

[Jiro]

My Life as Tidus
First Entry
Big game's today. smurfing Duggles are rough as guts but I can handle them. I've got a secret technique hidden up the slightly longer leg of my pants; the Tidus Shot. Haven't tried it out yet but I'm pretty sure it'll work. We better win this game because my agent has some pretty killer deals lined up. I might have my own clothing line by the end of it. Heck, maybe even a guest spot on my favourite soapie, Neighbours.

Little bit worried about accidentally getting a boner during the game. I don't know. Something about the water just makes me aroused. Maybe if I keep reminding myself it's the Jecht memorial match then it'll die down. Gosh I hate my father. Hope some big ugly whale ate his face.

Second Entry
A big ugly whale attacked. Zanarkand got pretty smurfed up. Think everyone's dead. Sucks, we were winning the match too. Saw uncle Auron, he's looking older. I think he's going senile. He just blabbered some trout at me and then disappeared. Maybe those little kids slipped me some wild mushrooms or something. I'm stuck here in this troutty little rundown temple somewhere and I don't know but I am so hungry. Tempted to eat the paper out of my journal. Might die if I do that though. I burned a couple pages to try and make sure I didn't get pneumonia. That's a stupid smurfing word.

I tried stabbing some giant bugs with the sword Auron gave me. He said Jecht gave it to him but I think he forgot that my old man died like ten smurfing years ago. Or maybe Auron is just a bit crazy. I dunno. Still, whatever that big ugly whale thing was, I don't like it. The bugs don't taste good either. Might have to search for food elsewhere. I don't know what to do now though. No idea where I am or even where I can find a warm shower and some food. I'm supposed to be an elite athlete, where are the crazy stalker fans when you need them?

Third Entry
So this hot foreign chick beat the trout out of me. I woke up on her boat surrounded by weird hairy foreign dudes. Not my idea of a good time. At least they fed me, though! It was pretty delicious but then the last thing I'd eaten was some moss I found growing on a rock so I can't really say for sure. So this boat is pretty cool. Doesn't have a sail, but it does have a crane. I wonder if they ever try and snatch up dolphins or anything? It's like one of those crazy claw games I used to play.

So apparently I'm going to be working with the crazy hairy foreign dudes in exchange for food. I don't like the sound of that, but at least I'm not going to be hungry. They could at least offer me a smurfing towel or blanket though. The metal floor on this boat is numbing my ass. I'm just glad to finally be dry. I'm never going near water again. Not even for blitzball. When I get home I'm going to become a full time actor. I think comedy is my thing. Otherwise I'll take up modelling underwear or something. I just smurfing hate water.

Fourth Entry
I have a sneaking suspicion that there is a God, and he hates me. So "work" with the hairy foreign guys wasn't making weird gay pornos (I thought that would've been alright to be honest) but it involved smurfing swimming down into some underwater ruin and smurfing around with electrical stuff. Apart from the obvious danger of drowning and electrocution, I also got attacked by a crazy smurfing squid. Great. And the hot foreign chick whose name is apparently Rikku thought it was a good idea to use some grenades. I'm not even kidding. I don't know how I made it out of there alive.

Well that's a lie. I sort of know how. I got thrown off the smurfing boat by that stupid smurfing whale. It's called Sin but I don't even care. It made me wet one too many times. I need to kick its smurfing ass. Washed up on the beach of this random island. Everyone here is weird and has names with double letters. Also this one guy has orange hair that sticks up like he just hasn't heard of gravity. His name is Wakka and he's apparently the coach and captain of their blitzball team. They're trout man. You don't even know how terrible these guys are. Can't even pass on land, let alone in the blitz stadium. I don't know if they've got any money but maybe I can play a few games with these guys until I can afford a ticket home.

Anyway I better stop writing this and start listening because I think this Wakka guy is talking to me again.

[Jinx]

You make Tidus sound too intelligent.

[Jiro]

Tidus is intelligent. But he is also self centred. Also, he hasn't had a chance to come into his own, here. I mean, he's only about to realise he's woken up in some smurfed up foreign world. Just go with me on this one. Also be sure to look out for the hidden jokes I make. Can you imagine Tidus acting? HA HA HA

[Slothy]

You make Tidus sound too intelligent.

Herpy derp. Blitzball. Derpdy do, Zanarkand.

Does that work better for you?

[Quindiana Jones]

That sounds like a direct quote.

[Jiro]

Man I think you offended Tidus there.

[Slothy]

What can I say? I didn't write the script.

[Raistlin]

So Freya nagged and nagged and nagged and nagged until I agreed to partake in this event. I haven't actually played FFX since it was first released, so it is overdue, even if I am not a fan of the game. I've been meaning to play many of the FFs that I don't remember as well, and maybe starting with this event will help encourage me to finish.

I started playing last night, actually, and got to Kilika today before I realized I should probably post in this thread. I'll try to remember to take more screenshots as I go on.

Tidus is intelligent.

No. As you can tell from Vivi's excerpt of the game's dialogue.

[Freya]

I didn't nag you THAT much.

Also dak please continue those entries xD I love em!

[Jiro]

I'll do another wave tonight when I get home! It's hard not to make Tidus sound like a bogan aussie. My alternative though, is to make him sound like a pretty massive douche.

[Jiro]

My Life as Tidus
Fifth Entry

So a lot of tit has happened since I last wrote in you diary. First of all, I'm on another smurfing boat. I'm sick of these things. At least I've gotten past my fear of the water. No thanks to that Wakka jackass - he pushed me in some random ass lake that was full of pirahnas. To top it off, while I was slashing the smurf out of them trying not to die, he was still messing about with his blitzball! I'm going to smack him in his smug face. Reminds me of these nobs on a show back home in Zanarkand.

After we got to the village - Besaid apparently - I poked around and nicked some potions from a chest I found lying around. Who leaves treasure in chests these days? What a backwater place. Anyway the potions were out of date so I had some pretty nasty stomach pains. Took a nap in Wakka's hut and when I woke up he'd buggered off to some temple. Thought I'd go along. Found out they had some hot chick who like, prays or something. Better not make fun of it any more. I know what you're thinking. "No such thing as god, only god is me and I'm a god of blitz etc" but this tit was off the hook. Moments after she nearly passed out and all, this hot chick stepped out and summoned some weird big bird thing. Valefor or something she called it. I don't know but a girl who can summon giant beasts is arousing. Gonna pay more attention to this Yuna chick.

Oh yeah. So I met some dudes called the Crusaders or whatever. I don't really get what they're on about but they said it was their job to fight Sin. You remember the big stupid ugly whale, right? So turns out it just cruises around the place smashing tit up. Don't know why it bothers with islands like this though, they look too tit. At least Zanarkand was big, ya know? Oh, and so I been talking to a few people, and apparently Zanarkand was destroyed a thousand years ago. I don't know what they're smoking, must be some pretty potent cactuar if you know what I mean, but I refuse to believe that Zanarkand was wiped out entirely and I've ended up a thousand years in the future. Too smurfing weird, man! So anyway I've been telling them I got high off of Sin's toxins and I get confused sometimes and they're all buying it.

Anyway back to that chick Yuna. Seems like she's got this magical journey to get more furry monsters. Sounds hot to me. And because I told Wakka I'd play on his troutty blitz team, I get a free boat ride to some place called Luca. Anyway, conveniently, Yuna is going the same way, so I'll be able to perv a bit more. Bonus: her friend Lulu has massive tits. Better get back to sleep, we're apparently gonna end up at some place called Kilika tomorrow.

[Freya]

Massive tits xD

After stealing some dudes binoculars, we see why Tidus wanted them so badly.

[Raistlin]

And have you noticed her victory pose? She just bends over, as if to show off her chest more.