Cutest Male
The Nominees
Gau - FFVI · Hope Estheim - FFXIII · Laguna Loire - FFVIII · Tidus - FFX · Vivi Ornitier - FFIX · Zidane Tribal - FFIX
Please give a warm welcome to the presenters of this award...
Ashe & Penelo
Ten minutes after presenters are expected to arrive with the award....
Ashe: I apologise, denizens of Final Fantasy for my tardiness here tonight, but I had important business to attend to with Al-Cid Margrace regarding the creature rights abuses act. Apparently, Slavens are now a protected species, so Vaan, no more tanned hides for you I’m afraid!
Slight ripple of laughter from audience.
Ashe: As for the whereabouts of my partner, Penelo, I cannot say. I am sure you will all feel sympathetic for dear Penelo, she has gotten into the wrong crowd and the Judge Magisters believe that she is now part of a dangerous organisation known as the Mafia. While these are dark days for Ivalice, let us not dwell on this and instead focus on the awards this evening. I myself have been around several very attractive men, Balthier being just one of them. However, what defines cuteness? Hope Estheim, ladies and gentlemen, perhaps is the epitome of cuteness! Having already modelled for Prada and having that cute, feminine charm, Hope could very well be a winner - and what of Tidus? I hear that Judge Drace has a particular fondness for Tidus and his lovely Spira tan while Laguna Loire is a sexy hunk with a cute side.
Wolf whistles from audience.
Ashe: Oh, Rikku! Stop it, you little animal! We also have Vivi, whose self-doubt and yearning for friendship definitely makes him a contender, while some of the furries in the audience feel Zidane’s tail is the closest they're going to get to living out their cute, kinky fantasies. But that is enough speeches from me. Having already met with Al-Cid I feel like my tongue has already been rammed down my throat, I should probably drink a potion to make my throat better. Anyway, the golden envelope is...
Seconds pass as Ashe frantically searches for envelope, hushed voices in audience
Ashe: This cannot be happening. This is more embarrassing than believing Ondore’s lies!
Penelo: Aha! My nefarious deeds have succeeded once again! First escaping lynch in Dalmasca, now this! "Oh boy," everyone says to Penelo, "you're too boring to be a main character.” Well, ha ha ha! I get the last laugh! Everyone is expecting to know the winner of Cutest Male, no? But they'll only know if you, Ashe, give me half the worth of your kingdom!
Ashe: But what do you have against me!?
Penelo: Simply that you're above me in the party select screen. I have an immense hatred of being last and being at the bottom really sucks. Now hand it over!
Ashe: Well... *sigh* I guess I have no choice... here....
Ashe happens to be carrying 12,100,400 gil, and hands it over!
Penelo: Now thank you for that. Gee. This is heavy... don’t know how Vaan carries all that loot plus equipment plus gil around... sheesh...
Penelo leaves.
Ashe: Sorry for the delay everyone. The winner of cutest male is...
Originally Posted by Faris
Wedge = Wedge. Who knew?
Drag, you have no patience whatsoever.
