View Full Version : Let's Play Deus Ex badly

Old Manus
02-12-2015, 01:44 PM
After the moderate success of Resident Evil 2 (http://home.eyesonff.com/showthread.php/159243-Let-s-Play-Resident-Evil-2-badly), I was considering taking feedback on board and having a bash at RE3 or Dino Crisis, but to tell the truth I've had enough herb collecting, tank controls and loopy plotlines for one decade. Maybe another time. As it happens, I found myself with the sudden urge to reinstall the original Deus Ex (an urge I'm sure many of you are familiar with) to wile away the hours spent during these cold winter weekends wistfully staring out the window, waiting for the summer and its cricket season to come around again.

I go about it with no small amount of anxiety, as I know that there are people around who could make a far better job of it than me, but I do it anyway. For those who haven't read it, Sunglasses at Night (http://www.it-he.org/deus.htm) is probably the best 'walkthrough' of any classic game there is as far as I'm concerned, and I admit it will be a struggle for me to not end up creating a carbon copy of it. This game is also a good 3-4 times as long as RE2 as well, so the chances of me giving up half way through have increased.

Does this game still stand up to today's standards? We'll see.

Part I: Liberty Island


It's Deus Ex!

We're playing on Easy because I don't give a toss.


Before starting a new game, you must buff out your character. This is JC Denton, nano-augmented supercop extraordinaire, with a penchant for dark trenchcoats, dark shades and dark senses of humour. You can give him a real name, but don't count on it ever being used in a meaningful way. We'll train him in computers, lockpicking, rifles, and beating people up with clubs (he is a cop, after all). We'll de-train him in pistols, which funnily enough makes no difference as once the game starts he'll be back trained in it anyway.



We can leave behind 725 points as he will earn more over the course of the game and we can more quickly train in skills that aren't useless trout like swimming. Clicking Start Game brings us to the intro video that will make no sense to anybody on their first playthrough.


We're introduced to these two strange-looking blokes who are having a chat about some sort of deadly virus.


What filth. It's almost like an NHS hospital.

So the pre-amble: there is a virus loose on the streets of New York, and people without access to the vaccine (non-VIPs, essentially) are kicking off. There's been a terrorist attack on the Statue of Liberty, and JC's very own UNATCO is on hand to sort it out.


The United Nations Anti-Terrorist Coalition! They're like SWAT, except competent. And with huge robotic arms.

We're shipped into Liberty Island, ready to give those terrorists a kicking.


First, some mood music:


The game begins. We have a medkit, a pea-shooter and a cattle prod. There are a few bits of rubbish lying around, including a soda can and a forty (on the left of the picture). We'll pick up the forty and save it for later.

We also have JC's brother Paul Denton hauling ass towards us. Thus begins a quick game of cat and mouse, in order to see just what lengths he will go to to speak to JC. If you jump on top of a supply crate, he can't get to you, and instead will just stand and stare, judgmentally.


Unfortunately he ended up getting a bit too close and triggering the conversation.


"It's over Paul! I have the high ground!"


Paul offers you a choice of one of three weapons - a sniper rifle, a crossbow with tranquiliser darts, or a rocket launcher. As tempting as it is, we're not going to take the rocket launcher at this point in time. It takes up too much space in JC's inventory and has too little ammo. So we'll take the crossbow. Unfortunately, if you try and do a Fallout and just kill him to take all 3, you will find that he will get angry and kill you very quickly.

That done, JC quickly throws himself over the edge of the pier to break a few hidden boxes and get some goodies.



Quite a few goons around the corner. Luckily, all we have to do is wave the crowbar threateningly at them...


Lure them back to the pier...


And let the AT-ST and the (invincible) Paul turn them into finely ground mincemeat. Interestingly, this comes just after Paul has been extolling the absolute priority of non-violence in this operation. I've hurt nobody. Who have you killed today, Paul?

Next, it's time to break into the Statue. There's no sense taking them all on with the handful of bullets we have for our water pistol, so we have to do a bit of sneaking about. These two guys are obviously browsing EoEO as we creep past:


We can sneak up behind this guy and give him a zap from the prod to knock him out.


...but I screwed it up and had to beat him to death with the crowbar instead. Rip in peace


The room he's guarding contains the first of many 'datacubes' which the people of the future have a habit of just leaving lying around in the open. This one gives us the username and password to the security system at the front door and inside. We'll make use of it shortly.


We also track down this vaguely-Jack-Nicholson-looking tramp named Harley Filben, who gives us a key to the front door to the statue. We won't be using it.


This horrid-looking maiden is selling some weapons. We'll take some crossbow darts. On the way out, JC decides he has no other choice than to attack Filben with the crowbar. It turns out he is also invincible! This can only mean we'll need him later.


Time to break in. There's a heavily armed robot patrolling the area immediate to the front door, so let's get rid of it. Grab a box of TNT, place it carefully in the robot's path...



...then blow that smurfer up. The nearby guards come rushing over to investigate the explosion, but after a quick glance at the debris and a cursory look around, they conclude it must have been the wind and return to their patrols. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, a lot has changed in the last fifteen years, but dumb AI patrol procedures certainly haven't.

Now that security is lax, to the front door...


We use the famous datacube login data NSF001 and smashthestate to gain access to the panel and unlock the door. We can also switch off the cameras and turn the miniguns on the guards. When I did this, one of them, in his haste to get away, came crashing his way through the front door. Who needs a key?


We're in. This is just one of many ways of getting into the building. We could have also picked the lock, used the key Filben gave us, climbed through the hole above the door, or just completely ignored the front door altogether and climbed up the wall around the back. That would be boring, though.


There are a couple of patrols left in here that haven't been slaughtered by the rogue sentry guns. There is another crate of TNT sitting around as well as a lot of poisonous gas barrels. Not completely sure what they brought those here for. Regardless, we wait till the guard passes the TNT and blow him up again.


This also explodes the gas barrels and JC has to go and choke in the corner for a while till the air clears.

Meanwhile, let's engage in some serious theft!



A family is going hungry for a month.

As a secondary objective, we can rescue uber-mech Gunther Hermann from his cell. The guy is a grade-A tosser and I toyed with the idea of just leaving him there before deciding I'll do it, but only for the skill points. The way to his cell is guarded by a laser grid so we need to get our Solid Snake on.


A few bashed heads with the crowbar later and we've set him free.



He asks for a weapon, but JC tells him to piss off and heads upstairs.


Remember the forty we picked up earlier? Now's the time to drink it.

The inebriated JC approaches the terrorist leader.




( ͡ ͜ʖ ͡)

JC's alcoholism gets him into all sorts of trouble. Regardless, a quick reload and a bullet in the head of the terrorist scum brings the operation to a close...and the end of the Liberty Island stage! Next, off for a debrief at UNATCO HQ, which is incidentally a bunker just next to the statue.

02-12-2015, 02:08 PM
I always found it amusing that the island UNATCO HQ is on apparently has the worst security in the world.

02-12-2015, 02:41 PM
Eeeeeeexcellent. I support this endeavor. Especially since I haven't played this game.

02-12-2015, 03:21 PM
Eeeeeeexcellent. I support this endeavor. Especially since I haven't played this game.

I haven't played it before either. Looks interesting.

02-12-2015, 03:40 PM
Let's Plays are intensifying to the point where we may no longer be able to contain them

Old Manus
02-12-2015, 03:43 PM
Just noticed the screenies are a bit too dark. Brightness adjust on the game does nothing though :colbert:

Madame Adequate
02-12-2015, 09:57 PM
Eeeeeeexcellent. I support this endeavor. Especially since I haven't played this game.

Eeeeeeexcellent. I support this endeavor. Especially since I haven't played this game.

I haven't played it before either. Looks interesting.


02-12-2015, 11:11 PM
Can't believe you're not teching into swimming. What are ya, chicken? :P

Man, this game. I didn't play it for the first time until about a year before Human Revolution came out. But even though it's dated it still hold up. Great piece of art. And I just love that main theme.


Old Manus
02-13-2015, 02:16 PM
Alright folks, thanks to the magic of OpenGL we're back with slightly-hopefully-less-dark Deus Ex.

Part II: Just Another Day in the Life of Your Friendly Neighbourhood UNATCO Agent

Setting the mood:



We're in the UNATCO bunker. Chief Manderley wants JC for a debrief before sending us on our next mission. But this is Deus Ex, so we're going to fool around first.


A lot of the exposition for this game can be found by reading newspapers that are left around. Usually it provides a bit of foreshadowing for future plot events.


You can also throw pot plants around. We'll leave the receptionist here in his new jungle habitat.


JC's office. Like him, boring and empty. In the future, computer monitors are see-through so you can't get away with browsing Reddit while pretending to work.


We can log on to the computer with the username JCD and password bionicman, but it's more fun to hack into it instead and read everyone else's emails. Here we can learn a bit about why we maybe should have left Gunther in his cell...


There are also a few random foreshadowing emails that provide a bit of context to the Deus Ex world. Also observe the domain URL at the bottom...Deadalus: GlobalNode:UN//UNATCO? Hmm. We'll learn more about that soon :shobon:


There's also this email to the chief from a mysterious 'WS'. 'Our Little Experiment'? 'Primary Unit'? itisamystery.gif


On the way to the break room the news is reporting on a company with the logo 'VL'. We'll be seeing some of them pretty soon.


This is on the wall in one of the rooms. Let's see if I can decipher it...

Tracer Tong
Robert Page
Margaret Chow
Max Chen
Jojo Fine
[unintelligible] (?)

B[unintelligible] Illuminati [?]
[scribbled out]
[unintelligible] - Research [?]
Robert Page Industries

Hong Kong

2 planes shot down in Russia
Who is Jojo's boss?
What is Ambrosia?

The map is one of Liberty Island. I have no idea why Paris, Hong Kong and Nevada (places we will be visiting soon) have arrows pointing to various points on Liberty Island, though.

I also don't understand the obsession with Jojo Fine. As we'll soon discover, the guy is just a two-bit drug dealer.

Onwards, we run into Gunther himself and his equally psychopathic partner, Anna Navarre. Gunther is a bit of a special bloke.


They're both filthy hanzer mechs jealous of JC's nano-augmentations, which makes for plenty of opportunities for passive-aggressive banter.




Time to get debriefed. But first, a trip to the ladies' bathroom?


In UNATCO, toilet cubicles don't have doors. Nothing to hide nothing to fear and all that.


On to the medical centre, JC can apply the new augmentation canister that we picked up after smoking the NSF leader in the statue. This one gives us magic arms which lets us pick up stuff like fridges and trout. Unfortunately, unlike the sequel we cannot drop them from tall buildings onto passers-by below.

Into Manderley's office...


Paul is here too. The next mission is to go to Battery Park and find the shipment of the virus vaccine (named Ambrosia- I'll let you come up with the riced pudding jokes) that the terrorist scumbags have half-inched. We'll be going with Anna Navarre. Paul is off to Hell's Kitchen to fight the good fight there.


So VIPs are getting priority on the vaccine...? Do I smell...conspiracy? 62743


Oh, this game. :grumppat:

Off to Battery Park then. We'll say goodbye to Private Lloyd on the way.



Arriving at the drop zone in our trusty NYPD speedboat that looks like a bit of an anachronism considering it's 2050 -


The NSF are in Castle Clinton, and presumably the Ambrosia is being stored inside somewhere. We can go in all guns blazing with the murderous Anna through the front door, or try and find an alternate route.


We spot this young lad wandering around the waterfront. I've actually forgotten; can you actually harm kids in this game?


Holy trout.

Police Report: Battery Park
The kid was approaching asking for food in a very threatening way. He reached to rub his belly in a motion that indicated he may pull a weapon. I had no choice but to neutralize.


There's a bit of a scrap going on between UNATCO and NSF Scum near the subway. We could get involved but instead we'll stand here with the baton, like some morbid conductor of the violence in front of us, before looting their bodies once they're finished with each other.


The NSF have taken hostages and have the subway boobytrapped. We could just strut down there and sort them out but that would probably lead to quick death.



This being Deus Ex, there is always another way.


[insert 'just dropping in' one-liner here]


We can pick up the flamethrower from one of the terrorists down here, but, like its Resident Evil counterpart, it's pretty rubbish. Chuck it.


There are still a few NSF guarding the entranceway to the subway. The massive firefight taking place just yards away must have got lost in the wind. Instead, we'll stack up the remaining boxes of TNT near the entrance...


Get their attention, retreat to a safe distance, and...



Forties confirmed for being hardy enough to withstand high-powered explosive munitions. We'll pick them up and store them to use later.


Anna Navarre and her cronies decide to bust in through the front entrance. Leave them to it.


Had we not killed the kid, he would have told us that the NSF have a secret entrance to their underground den behind this vending machine. For whatever reason we cannot use our super arms to move it so there is only one alternative.


For clarity, we could have also got in by bypassing the security box next to the vending machine, or by finding a secret passage via the vents we were crawling around earlier, or by moving around some big boxes to reveal a passage behind Castle Clinton, or just going in the front with Anna and going downstairs. Can't do that in CoD.


The underground base. Are we going to see naked zombies!?


Nope, just goons.


With those safely dispatched, we can pick up the augmentation canister...


...and secure the rice pudding. Fortunately UNATCO procedures dictate that 'securing' just means 'looking at briefly'.

Anna congratulates us on the brutality of our methods, and now it's time to take the subway to Hell's Kitchen to rendezvous with Paul.


Pete for President
02-14-2015, 07:23 AM
Lovin' these :D

Old Manus
02-15-2015, 06:53 PM
Part III: Of Ambrosia and Men

Okay, with peace brought to Battery Park via bullets and explosions, it's time to look for the secret NSF base somewhere in Hell's Kitchen. There are plenty of forties lying around the subway station, which we will readily consume before talking to Paul.




The game is kind of vague about what to do next, merely that you have to 'find the NSF's generator'. Paul's off to intercept the stolen shipment of Ambrosia, and gives us the key to his hotel room, so we can rob it of anything that isn't nailed down.


"Reasonable force"? Did you not see what went down on Liberty Island?


Off onto the mean streets of Manhattan, it's time to serve and protect. Some guy is getting hassled by a couple of thugs.


JC isn't too sure which ones are the thugs and which aren't though, so kills all three.


A basketball court!

Unfortunately, tossing the ball and getting it through the hoop is like arguing about David Moyes with Loony BoB - long, arduous, and with no guarantee of a positive outcome. Instead, we can cheat a bit:


Show me in the rules of basketball where this isn't allowed.



Utah Jazz for life


In the local pub, we go behind the bar and just steal all the liquor. Weirdly, the barmaid does not react even as we do this right in front of her, and instead will just look disapprovingly and call JC a 'jerk'.

After clearing out the bar of liquor, JC slurringly approaches the bloke at the bar called 'Pilot'. He wants us to buy him a beer. Awkward, seeing as we're pretty sure there's none left. Luckily, hammerspace exists in Deus Ex and the barmaid is able to procure one for the eye-wateringly expensive 10 credits. In return, the pilot gives us some bollocks about Area 51 and global surveillance. Cheers pal. He also lets on that he works for UNATCO and is a friend of Paul.



Back outside, there's something going down in an alleyway. JC wonders if he can get involved.




Street justice. The woman he's harassing tells us about an arms dealer living underground and gives us the password to his lockup. We'll take this loser's body with us as it will shortly prove useful.



He blocks the laser barriers so we can get in without getting chewed up by the security bots.


This is Smuggler. He offers to sell us some pretty smurfing pricey weapon mods, and tells a skeptical JC that some government forces have kidnapped his friend and taken him to their base in the sewers. He promises a discount if we can rescue him.


In the future, manhole covers are locked with special wireless nanokey encryption trout.


Underground, a BDSM convention has just gone horribly, horribly wrong.


The datacube has a message to Lt. Maxwell Hammer (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MfnpZhJ8exQ). Who's the guy in the black getup? He's not NSF...


A little further down the tunnel brings us to this disproportionately large sewage-pit-thing. I'm getting Resident Evil flashbacks again. What is it with evil villains and building their secret facilities in sewers? It must frigging stink.

After battling through the area, we come to a computer which we can hack. What's this?


Another email from 'WS'...


After some more murder we rescue Smuggler's friend, Ford Schick. He's being held here against his will and forced to work on the Gray Death Virus. We tell him to make a break for it before realising that we left a few goons alive and he's probably about to get shot to pieces.

All this is totally optional, of course. We don't really need anything from Smuggler anyway, so let's head on over to the 'Ton Hotel to raid Paul's room.



First we deal with a small hostage situation before letting ourselves in to Paul's crib.


In something straight out of a 1960s spy film, moving the painting reveals a keypad which, with the code 4321 left to us on a note on the table, opens up the bookcase to reveal a BATTLESTATION inside, full of multitools, lockpicks, and ammo. Bearing in mind this is a hotel room, God knows what would happen if another visitor was to stumble across it.

Collating the information gleaned from Smuggler, a guy at the bar and some tramps, we discover where the NSF's secret generator is, and because of the police blockade (aren't we the police?) we have to get there by going through an assault course of back-alleyways and sewers. I've never actually gone via the sewer route before, so we'll go that way.



It brings us up on the ground level. The place is crawling with NSF scum. We need to destroy the bigass generator.


A bit of sneaking gets us to the control room where a bit of hacking results in boom time (I'm pretty sure you can also just throw grenades at the thing, but idk).

After that we're instructed to go to the roof, where Gunther has arrived to clean house. JC sportingly uses himself as bait to draw the NSF troopers upstairs so Gunther can dispatch them in a most painful way.


It also turns out that our helicopter trip out of here is being flown by none other than the drunkard pilot Jock we met in the bar. JC boards with some trepidation.


Back to UNATCO for a debrief with the no doubt victorious Paul bringing home the Ambrosia for pudding.



Some dodgy-looking Men In Black types with robotic voices are leaving as we arrive. They don't look best pleased about something.


I'm getting the feeling something has gone dreadfully wrong here...

Manderley's office is locked. He's having a meeting with Liberace.



This guy couldn't be more 'obvious villain' if he was cackling at dying children while stroking a cat. He's off to interrogate some prisoners in the detention block and tells us to stay clear. Of course, this means we shall follow him.


He goes into the cell and locks the door. smurfer. Nobody locks doors on JC 'Jonjo Shelvey' Denton.


We cunningly attach a gas grenade to the window and take a few steps back.



This of course kills the prisoners in the process. Government Official isn't best pleased.


Interestingly none of the guards watching this whole event unfold seem to give the slightest indication that they care about all this.

Somehow the screenshots from the debrief with Manderley got lost so here's the synopsis: Paul done screwed up his mission against the NSF and has gone AWOL. UNATCO have subsequently sacked him. The Ambrosia he was after is about to be shipped at an unknown airfield and it's JC's job to find out which and intercept it. Where to start? The only place could be to ask the bums at Battery Park!

On the way out though we notice the Men in Black are still standing around. Let's sort that out.




It didn't even kill them

Pete for President
02-16-2015, 12:58 AM
Reading these is so much fun! Can't wait for the next episode :ohdear:

02-16-2015, 03:02 PM
I have nothing clever to add (that's your job), but I'm enjoying this and you should keep going.

Words of encouragement, attaboy, here here, etc.

Old Manus
02-17-2015, 10:04 PM
Part IV: Let's Go By Plane!

Jock takes us in his helicopter back to Battery Park so we can figure out where the NSF took their stolen Ambrosia shipment.


There are plenty of forties to be found and consumed both above ground and in the subway.


Even with JC's alcohol-blurred vision he can spot (and probably smell) the figure of Harley Filben (the bum from Liberty Island) poking around in the subway. He might know a thing or two.


He tells us that the NSF have taken the Ambrosia to the nearby LaGuardia airport and are transporting it underground through the abandoned subway system. Some of the other bums are talking about 'the mole people'. Presumably this means The Wombles are living down there (Wimbledon is a trouthole anyway).


In something straight out of The Matrix (in fact, this whole subway station is a duplicate of the station from the original film), Filben gives us a code to the hidden keypad in the phonebox. This causes the vestibule to suddenly move below ground into a hidden passageway. Not bad work for a bunch of tramps.


Super secret spy trout.


This abandoned station is populated by drifters, druggies and homeless people and is run by a gang of thugs who live upstairs. This guy wants us to fix their (stolen) water supply before he'll help us out. Unfortunately we aren't given the option to just intimidate him into giving us the information, and will actually have to do this at some point.


This guy is the dude flogging all the zyme (junkies of the 2050's hit of choice). JC stops for a chat.





Liquidated. One less drug dealing scumbag in the clean, crime-free abandoned subways of NYC. We put a few extra bullets in the corpse, just to "send a message".

We go upstairs to try and glean some information from the gang members about where the NSF took the shipment, but feeling in a murderous mood, decide to kill them instead.


Fixing the water pipe brings us the knowledge that the NSF have a secret passageway in the ladies' restroom, with the keypad hidden under the sink.




Once again, we're back in the sewers. I'm going to try something I read in Sunglasses at Night here. There are two platforms leading the way across the room. Both of them will collapse once you get roughly halfway across them. The mission is to get the box of TNT on the right over to the other side without falling into the drink.


First, you ever so carefully toss the TNT onto the first platform...



I would be lying if I said I would succeed at this first time.


After tossing a few of the nearby metal crates over there and clambering on top of them, when the platform drops, the boxes will all magically remain in place.


I bit more careful tossing and jumping, and we're over. Now I have to think of something to do with the TNT.


Luckily there are a few gunbots patrolling the next area which act as perfect targets.


We've arrived at a base near the airfield. We can see the greeny glow of some of the Ambrosia inside.



Yes, that's exactly what's going on here.


A bit of sneaking around and we get to the airfield the NSF are using. We need to assassinate the owner of the airfield who is facilitating the NSF's escape with the rice pudding.


The area surrounding the hangar is crawling with NSF troopers and gun bots. We need to get inside.


After a game of kiss-chase with the security bots and thrusting a few cattle prods up the behinds of the NSF goons we get to the plane. In the nick of time...hold on, who's that standing underneath it?


It's Paul! The double-crossing bastard!



Paul tells us the REAL truth: it's all a conspiracy. The virus causing bodies to pile up in the streets was created by a group called Majestic 12, and MJ12 is using UNATCO to selectively distribute the Ambrosia vaccine in order to keep the country under its control. Cripes, it's like reading an EoEO post by kotora...


JC is rightly skeptical. Regardless, our orders are still to assassinate Lebedev, who is on the plane. Let's get some answers...but not before downing a few forties.

On the way to Lebedev's private room, first we'll attach a few LAMs to the walls. One here...


One here...


And one here...


All will become clear in a minute.


First we'll take the fire extinguisher from his bathroom and rough him up a bit.


Excellent. Now for the cut-scene:





(actual screenshot)


Yep, Anna Navarre decided to choose this moment to come running down the corridor to oversee the assassination. Unfortunately in the process she detonated the proximity-LAMs and is now a neat collection of giblets making a big mess on the carpet.

Alex can't believe what he's seeing.


For first-timers, what's meant to happen there is Anna comes around and tells JC to execute Lebedev or she will do it for him. Either way, he dies. Now that she's gone, however, we can just leave him and the game will continue as normal, the only consequence being that JC failed his mission. JC never fails his missions.


Note that we just poked him with the cattle prod and he's merely knocked out. Regardless, as far as the game is concerned that means we just smoked him. We'll pick up his body and take him with us.



Gunther is once again late to the party. He informs us that Paul has betrayed UNATCO and is now next to be assassinated. Gunther himself has offered himself up to be the assassin.


Jock is also here to get us back to UNATCO so we can try and explain this debacle to Manderley.

Pete for President
02-18-2015, 04:56 PM
All that unnecessary violence! I like it :shifty:

02-18-2015, 07:06 PM
It's fun to try and break games.

02-18-2015, 10:43 PM
It's great in Deus Ex because they plan for it. In most games, sure maybe you can blow up that important person, but you'll just stop progression and have to reload.

In DX? Just keep going. The world will adjust for whatever nonsense you come up with. I adore it.

02-18-2015, 10:59 PM
I'm having that issue in FO: New Vegas.

There's a mission where I have to go talk to the person in charge at one NCR outpost to progress the mission. I went there to talk to them, and right as I got there I watched a Ceasar's Legion raiding party kill everyone. I didn't think too much about it at the time, and went on with some other quests. I just figured the character I needed would respawn.

Nope. Quest permanently stuck open. :mad2:

Old Manus
02-19-2015, 06:25 PM
Part V: Natural Born Conspirators

When we left JC, he was returning to UNATCO with the unconscious Lebedev after learning that Paul had been working for the NSF (and maybe it was UNATCO who where the real terrorists?). It will all come together in this update. Paul is now persona non grata and on the run.


In the break room we find the mysterious government official chatting with Doc Reyes about getting his back, sack and crack done.


We also finally discover to nobody's surprise that the 'WS' that we have been seeing all over people's emails at UNATCO and MJ12 is in fact this man, Walton Simons. The game just sort of starts using his name suddenly and I don't think he's actually introduced.


While doing our rounds we run into the secretary we harassed in the bathroom near the start of the game. I think she's getting the wrong end of the stick.


UNATCO Goon 1's eyes visibly light up at the information that JC shares his George Michael-esque enthusiasm for cottaging. We will stay well clear of the gents from now on.


There was also another Aug canister on the plane to pick up. In the medical bay we can apply it. Now we have super strength, bulletproof(ish) skin, resistance to toxic chemicals (a useless augmentation if there ever was one) and super powered legs which enable JC to run like Usain Bolt and jump like Psychotic when I creep up on him in the shower.

JC goes into Alex's office to find he isn't best pleased about us liquidating Anna Navarre.


Nobody cares about your opinion, Alex.

Time to explain this mess to Manderley. We dump Lebedev's body on his desk as a peace offering.




The way he delivers this line is hilarious.


JC is told to forget about Paul and move on to the next mission, in Hong Kong. Tracer Tong is the target. To the helicopter! We take Lebedev with us as he's never seen the delights of Wan Chai Market.


Paul? In trouble? TO THE BATCAVE (in this case his apartment)


A crippled Paul is sitting calmly, bolt upright on a chair. He doesn't seem to be bleeding and has no trouble talking. Seriously hurt? I'm calling bulltrout here, chief :holmes: We dump Lebedev in front of him as a warning for if it turns out he's been bulltroutting us about UNATCO.


He asks us to go to the NSF HQ (which has just been raided by UNATCO) and find proof of MJ12's dodgy dealings and send a distress code to the NSF's allies in Paris and Hong Kong. His killswitch has been activated by the suits at UNATCO and he has about 18 hours to live. Tough break.

Downstairs, Mr Renton, the owner of the hotel, is getting some grief from his hooker daughter (Sandra) and her pimp. He asks us to give him a gun, but he can go smurf himself if he thinks he's getting his chubby fingers on our carefully-refined hardware.


Looks like it's time to finally meet Jojo Fine.


Nope, it's definitely not EoFF's Jojo, as he's at least 5 feet tall.


Jojo smokes the unarmed Renton. What a shame. I don't know what to say. What a rotten way to die.

Then, inexplicably, he turns on Sandra.





M'lady. Time to head to NSF HQ.



In 2050, terrorist operations make their headquarters in large warehouses just off the main street and in plain sight.

The UNATCO goons patrolling the area are friendly to JC who is still ostensibly working with them. We know differently. The building is comprised of 4 levels. The objective is in a small room on the roof. We are going to booby trap the whole building. Bear with me:


There is a large collection of TNT in the basement.


As well as a hefty amount of toxic gas barrels (and a few explosive ones). We will bring them all upstairs.


Behold the stash. Time for some very careful placement.


Here's the ground floor. The TNT on top of the big green metal crate is placed so that if it explodes, it should set off a chain reaction detonating all other boxes and barrels on the floor. Also, notice the barrel with the red symbol balancing precariously on the wall upstairs...


Here's the full view from the top floor. Detonating the TNT on the green crate on the ground floor should also detonate the one above it (next to the targeting reticule), which should detonate the one above it...you get the idea. If done right, we should have a cacophony of nuclear proportions.

But! We're not going to set off the fireworks yet - we have an objective to complete. To the roof.


A bit of manoeuvring with the satellite dishes and JC sends off the NSF signal. Suddenly, all hell breaks loose. Walton Simons busts onto JC's infolink and tells him it's game over and sets UNATCO on him. His killswitch is activated. To arms!


The goons from outside come rushing in. Puny mortals.


Time to party. Fingers in your ears...




The screams of dying UNATCO troopers and the strained chokings of those who have survived the blast yet suffocate on the gas whilst thinking of their families is music to my ears.

Time to head back to Paul and get him out of here. This is where my game screwed up. Firstly, I got back to the hotel and spontaneously received 100 skill points and a very weird message:


I don't even know. Then I went into Paul's room and this happened:


...did Lebedev eat him?

Cue a good half hour of faffing about between the hotel and the NSF HQ and finally I returned to find Paul sitting in his rightful place. Still have no idea what happened there.




With no warning, Men in Black and a smurfload of UNATCO troops pile in. Paul tells us to get the hell out of there and leave him. Of course, we will completely ignore his request. We sit and watch as Paul decides to take them all on himself.


What an absolute boss.


More troopers in the foyer. We don't even need a weapon. Paul is a one-man army.


He even takes them on with a knife. He takes them on with a knife.

He then runs out the front door and disappears. We can't leave without Lebedev - he's not taking all the glory.


We get to the subway and are jumped by Gunther Hermann. He knocks JC out and we awake...


...in a cell?

02-19-2015, 11:03 PM
You DESERVE those skill points for hauling Lebedev along on this epic journey while somehow managing to keep him completely invisible to the other characters.

Well earned

Pete for President
02-21-2015, 04:47 PM
Good effort on the lots of killing :shobon: Paul does seem like a boss.

I'd like to play this game now. I got the PS2 port at home but I found the controls to be intolerable.

02-22-2015, 08:46 PM
Another fine chapter. The warehouse scenario is great.

Old Manus
02-23-2015, 05:46 PM
Part VI: What Lies Beneath (UNATCO)

We left our two heroes last time just as JC was waking up after finding Lebedev and himself interned in a cell. Will they escape?



Just as JC begins to ponder the logistical possibilities of flushing himself down the toilet, he gets a message from 'Daedalus'. That name rings a bell from somewhere...who is it?

The lights briefly go off as the power goes down and we hot foot it out of there.


Obviously, we're totally unarmed. Can't risk bringing Lebedev along for the ride so we leave him in the cell for now. There's a handy baton on top of the crate in front and an MJ12 guard wandering about.


JC's frantic swishing about of the baton hits nothing but thin air and the guard rushes to set of the alarm. Luckily we clobber him at the last moment and he goes down, so we can take his pistol.

Looking in the cells:


Miguel here has also been locked up and we hatch a plan to escape. The plan involves telling him to stay here then coming back to him when the place is totally clear of MJ12 troops.

While creeping through the vents, we get another message from the mysterious Daedalus. Paul's alive!


We need to get to the armoury to pick up our confiscated kit, but we can pick up a load of other crap on the way.


Including a new cattle prod. Useless of course against the Metal Gear-looking bad boys patrolling the armoury perimeter.


Lock and load mothersmurfer.


Looks like they sportingly kept our cache of mind-altering drugs safe as well.


Hidden in the back is the PLASMA GUN. We'll keep this for later.


Hidden in a filing cabinet somewhere is a datacube containing the usernames and passwords of everyone at UNATCO. Just in case MJ12 one day require the ability to log in to Private Lloyd's computer and read his saucy emails to Agent Navarre.


Paul! You're alive!

He tells us we need to go Hong Kong to get our killswitches deactivated by a bloke called Tracer Tong - precisely the guy we were supposed to be assassinating next. And the bombshell...


We're underneath UNATCO! Deus Ex has gone full Resident Evil and placed a smurfing humungous bioweapon research lab complete with detention centre, armoury and command centre underneath another bunker with a detention centre, armoury and command centre. Yo dawg...


Bored of sneaking around, JC decides to go postal on anyone and everyone (except Paul, who will immediately annihilate us should we even look at him wrong), so all the scientists run out the door.


Right into the path two giant Karkians that they have been breeding, who eat them for lunch. Karma.


Time to clean house. We gun down everyone in the command centre which leaves the exit clear.


Let's not forget Miguel and Lebedev, though!


Upstairs we find ourselves in the familiar corridors of UNATCO. This time though, everyone wants to kill us. Everyone except Doc Reyes and Alex, anyway.


JC gets his one liners ready for smoking the Chief.

We pass by Alex's office on the way upstairs for a chat about this 'Daedalus' character.


Alex denies everything.



Either Alex is actually what he looks like - a poor man's Jeff Goldblum posing as a hacker - or Daedalus is someone to be taken seriously. Alex reckons he's an AI born out of the government's Echelon IV that has gone rogue (and he'd be right).

Upstairs, time to hunt down and deliver the righteous fist of violent justice down on the one person in this building who deserves it most.


That's right, a shotgun blast to the face of Janice Reed. That's the penalty for having a horrible southern accent. Good riddance.


Time to get out the plasma rifle we picked up earlier. Looks like we're interrupting a conversation between Manderley and Simons.


No, JC! That's not a pithy one-liner!




Manderley, the snake, tells us we can leave freely, before waiting before our back is turned to pull out his shotgun. Unforgivable. He gets plasma'd.


Picking up Lebedev and Miguel...


...we bust out the front doors. At this point, Miguel is supposed to thank us profusely for certainly saving his life and leave. Unfortunately he does neither. He continues to follow us about a bit, before disappearing completely into the ether when our back is turned for too long. What a swindle. I'm just going to shoot him next time.


Time to get to Hong Kong (By helicopter. Assuming this is a pretty fast 2050s blackops chopper which I'll ballpark as cruising at a sharp 150mph, with 8000 miles from NY to Hong Kong, that's 53 straight hours of helicoptering. Grab a Snickers).

We'll see you guys in two and a half days time, I suppose...

Pete for President
02-28-2015, 04:32 PM
Can't wait for the next episode :nod:

Old Manus
03-05-2015, 01:05 PM
Part VII: JC Denton, in Da Fresh

So after our short break we're back on the road to Hong Kong via a stupidly long helicopter journey to get in touch with Tracer Tong so he can deactivate JC's killswitch. One wonders why the 'killswitch' takes 18 hours to work rather than it being just an instant thing. Don't expect this to ever be explained.


Things have gone tits up, though. We've arrived in Hong Kong but the navy has remotely taken control of the helicopter and flown it into this hangar bay. Noticing that even though we have landed, MJ12 are making absolutely no effort to actually detain us or anything, Jock kicks JC out of the chopper and sends him (and Lebedev) to get us out of here.

Of course I don't know whether you have noticed, but ever since we saw him in person in Hell's Kitchen, Jock has been permanently welded to the hull of his helicopter and as such he is unable to just get out and leave. Instead we must reactivate the chopper's weapons and open the hangar bay.

We dump Lebedev and crawl about in the air vents, bringing us over the bathroom. Does this look familiar?



Long story short, a bit more solidsnaking it and some running away from the guards gets us into the control room where we can switch on Jock's weapons via a handily-placed button, and open the way out.



Jock fires off his noob tube and blows open the exit door.




Wait, Jock, where the hell are you going!?

The deserting scumbag leaves us here with two gun bots and tells us to take the lift down instead.



trout, we forgot Lebedev!



Yes folks, we're here...




Wan Chai Market. You wirr never find a more wretched hive of scum and virrainy. We must be cautious.

We'll let down Lebedev on the counter of the chicken stall so he may sleep amongst the fowl. I hope he's comfortable as he is in for a long wait.


Wan Chai market is infamous for having some of the worst voice acting since Jill & Barry first went exploring a haunted house in the hills. Louis Pan here provides the brunt of the cheese.

JC potters about and talks with the locals. None of whom utters a lie as big as the one told by this security guard:


Which is delivered like "The SHOPKEEPERS here are OWNEST. You WIRR find a good bargain HERE."

The locals talk a lot about some kind of gang war going on between two triad groups: the Luminous Path and the Red Arrow. Of course, JC decides to meddle in their affairs like the stinking American imperialist he is. At the gate to the Luminous Path compound is a bald-headed guard with a shotgun. JC approaches and asks about Tracer Tong.


This guy is Gordon Quick, and, funnily enough, he is the leader of the Luminous Path triad. Yes, the head of one of the biggest criminal organisations in Hong Kong is standing guard with a shotty outside his own compound. I don't understand either.

He tells us that he won't help us find Tracer Tong until we help the Ruminous Path. Apparently they've been framed for the murder of the Red Arrow leader (the event which kicked off the gang war) by a young lady named Maggie Chow. We must meet with her and find the sword that she stole from them to prove she is the traitor.


On the way, though, we can go into the Canal Road tunnel and see the gang war happening LIVE AND UNCENSORED!


Alas, all this set piece succeeds in is showing us the age of the engine the game is using and the sheer uselessness of the AI. They just kind of gather together and clunkily swing swords at each other, with the occasional death scream.


They take their fight further down the tunnel to the scene of a car crash, where the police will simply stand there stoically clasping their weapons while taking no action on the wanton carnage happening literally right in front of their noses.


We enter a pretty dingy bar on our travels.


This guy rushes up to JC and starts shouting about blueprints before realising that it isn't actually Paul he's speaking to and then pretending he has made a mistake. This is something that always bothered me about this game. Aren't JC and Paul supposed to be identical twins?


We cross his hand with a bit of silver and he starts to perk up. Apparently Paul (who we must remember has been spending most of his time over the last few years operating in Hong Kong) asked this guy to get hold of the blueprints to the VersaLife building - the place they are brewing the Ambrosia.


JC goes full Jack Bauer. It's interesting to note that this game more or less pre-dates the current trend of 'you can role-play as a bad guy if you want' dialog choices in RPGs that is common in say, Mass Effect. You get the feeling that the game was on to something but didn't really know how to execute it. In this case, this line is said without any input from the player, so even if you haven't hurt anybody in the game so far and have been going through it as some sort of God-fearing paragon of virtue, JC will still threaten to kill this guy. :holmes:


After grilling the bloke with the mutton chops, JC turns to the barman for info on Maggie Chow. All things point to her being a nasty piece of work.

There's a lot of optional stuff to do in Hong Kong. If I were to go into all of it we'd be here till Christmas so here's a brief look. We can go behind the bar here into the kitchen:


And leave the fridge door open like a boss.




I bit more crawling around in vents and we get into this secret underwater passage. Looks like there's been some kind of cave-in in the underground highway and it's filled with water.


A dead body is washed up nearby. Note that to even get to this point without sustaining a trout-ton of damage requires lots of skill points to be invested in swimming. Of course we have long since established that that is a fools' errand, and so instead we are reduced to swimming with a medkit in hand and using it every time JC chokes to within inches of watery death.


In classic Resi style, he spent his last moments writing a perfectly well-spoken diary entry into his 500-page tome that he obviously carries with him at all times. He references the hellspawn that are swimming around nearby and indicates that these have been specially bred by VersaLife. Classic evil-corporation fare :salute:

Enough of this. Let's go clubbing.


The Rucky Money! No, I will not be ceasing with the L=R jokes for the forseeable future

At the entrance we find these two girls putting on some absolutely horrific attempts at Australian accents.


I refuse to believe that one of them is actually meant to be Australian because the accent is just wrong. It sounds like a South African trying to talk cockney. They let slip that the place is run by the Red Arrow, and ask JC for a really big favour.


No, smurf off.


In hindsight I have no idea why I didn't just shoot them on the spot for crimes against voice acting but I let them live and just went in myself.


I wanted the kinky looking girl on the left but the game wouldn't let me for some reason. All in all though, this is a bad idea as you're just paying 100 credits to have some bimbo follow you around pestering you with one of the three English sentences she knows.


JC hatches a plan to get rid of her. We go into the back room and place a large crate blocking the way in. We then place a few more crates at the top of the stairway leading out.


The AI is too dumb to just walk around them or climb over them, so she will trot around this room eternally.


On with the game, then, and it's time to meet this Maggie Chow in her apartment. For some reason, she is expecting us. I have no idea how or why.


Dr. Feng is the dead guy in the waterlogged tunnel we came across earlier. Conspiracy? :shrug:

A short trip up to the penthouse and we find Maggie. Time to ask her about this missing sword.


So she claims that it is in fact the Ruminous Path that are the bad guys! Who is telling the truth? We shall find out next time.

Loony BoB
03-06-2015, 04:27 PM
Great read so far, keep it up Manus. :D

Pete for President
03-07-2015, 01:31 AM
I wonder where Lebedev will end up :ohdear:

Old Manus
03-16-2015, 03:16 PM
Part VIII: Secret Underground Labs: THE GAME

Not dead yet! So when we last left Jonjo, we were about to find out whether the svelte Maggie Chow is telling the truth, or is actually the ugly conspirator turncoat that the game has made plainly obvious she is. To the police evidence room!


She may have given Denton PI the code to their dank little police shack in the Wan Chai market, but neglected to inform the sweeney that we were coming. As such, all aggressors will be liquidated.

A brief check around reveals absolutely nothing corroborating her testimony, and instead we find a datacube that actually implicates her in the murder of the Red Arrow leader. Something tells me she wasn't actually expecting us to go and check this out. Let's head back.

As we arrive on the penthouse level, we get jumped by her maid.


Knowing that the game is up, Maggie disappears and suddenly ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE WHAT THE trout



It turns out MJ12 troops had been hiding in the walls locked and loaded the entire time. That's some top-dollar security.

Reloading, we approach the apartment block and decide to finish the job much more quickly.



Strangely, nobody seems to give a trout that I just fired an anti-tank missile directly into a civilian block of flats from the middle of a vaguely busy street. We go back inside to survey the damage. The receptionist even welcomes us as we enter.


One bottle of plonk is all that survived. We take it as a memento of the late Maggie Chow. All the furniture and chinese giblets have disintegrated in the blast. The perfect crime.


In a bizarre twist, the maid is still waiting patiently at the end of the entrance corridor, ready to greet us. All loose ends must be tied up.



The explosion also seems to have opened the way to - gasp - another secret MJ12 lab!


The clincher - this confirms that Walton Simons is actually one of the big bods at MJ12. We've just iced one of his lieutenants, so maybe that has made a dent in his plans...



Toss away all your existing melee weapons - we've just found the real deal. This thing will smoke pretty much anybody in a single swing, along with crates, bots, and furniture. It also has a permanent blue glow, which is useful for when we're fumbling around in the dark and can't be bothered to turn on the flashlight-eyes. The triad, having made such a huge fuss over this thing that they sent some completely unknown American hardman to go and get it, will curiously never actually ask for it back, and as a result we can keep it forever. It's turned a little more ridiculous later on in the game when pretty much every man and his dog is swishing one of these top-secret unique ancient weapons about.

To demonstrate...




Time to head back to the Led Allow in the Rucky Money club to present the sword to their leader and reveal the conspiracy.


Yep, she's still here.


No sooner does the boss finish spitting out his tea over hearing such a ludicrous story, does MJ12 suddenly bust in to the club and start smurfing trout up. JC deadpans "They must have followed me.", betraying absolutely no guilt for the indiscriminate slaughter of innocents going on out front.



MJ12 are now spitting out these 'commandos', who have double the HP of a regular grunt, and have a dual attack strategy where they will pepper you with machine-gun fire if you get too close, then fire rockets at you if you're further away. The worst part about them, though, is they only drop smurfing useless 'biocells' rather than ammo once you kill them. Knocking them out with a baton or electric prod is impossible, I don't care what anyone on the internet has been saying. It's impossible, god damn it!


The barman who was chatting trout about America earlier is among the dead. That's what happens, mothersmurfer.


He says while standing on top of a corpse.

Heading back to the Luminous Path compound, we can inform Doorman/Dragonhead Gordon Quick of recent events and maybe we can finally stop with this Triad trout and do what we came here for, which is to find Tracer Tong and get this damn killswitch deactivated.


We're in.


Alex is down here, and will from now on be of absolutely no use to us in the game and play no further part in the story, other than providing us with a few speculations on MJ12 whenever we ask. What a waste of time.

Tong instructs JC to step inside a very unnerving-looking contraption so we can un-switch the killswitch.


I'm half expecting the Combine to start piling through wormholes at any minute.


Some cool special effects and we're good as new.


More triad grunt work? This isn't what I signed up for, Tong!

It's time to go to VersaLife HQ and find the schematics for the Dragon Tooth sword so both Triads can wield it, because if everyone runs around with lightsabers, only then can we have true peace, or something.


Let's mosey.



Okay, there's a kind-looking receptionist at the desk. This place looks pretty normal so far. Let's wander into the offices...


Oh, for God's sake, evil company.


JC grills this guy working late for a way to get into the secret labs.


We have ways of not getting caught? Yes, we do, actually. It's called quicksave, you may have heard of it.


This is the supervisor he wants us to ice. We could always just speak to him and hand him a bribe to get downstairs, but we have a brand new sword to play with.


With the supervisor now giving the cleaning staff a nasty stain in the carpet to clean up, we can get ourselves a pass to take the elevator to the secret labs and find out what's really going on at VersaLife. I've got a tenner that says they're secretly working on a huge comeback for M People.

Take the lift down, and...



03-17-2015, 06:39 PM
Subtlety is for douches. Displaying overt signs of your nefarious intentions is simply showing good communication skills.

Loony BoB
03-17-2015, 07:36 PM
All those spoiler tags.


03-24-2015, 10:01 PM
You are giving me the nostalgia rush I never knew I wanted. :up: