I've been a coward on line

This is about me, all about me. I admit that right off.

Like a coward, I've been posting on line why I can't make friends, why I'm not happy. I've been finding reasons, hiding behind excuses. I know I struggle socially and I know I'm not happy, I'm depressed, I'm lonely. My life isn't everything I would plan for it to be, had I the choice. So what? is any one's?

But, I make these threads that ultimately are about me, and I go on and on about whatever I'm on about and it's just me complaining about my problems. I'm trying, I really am trying to figure out my problems. But, I think people misunderstand, misinterpret this. I'm trying to be a better person and I have no one to talk to, no friends, no family. I know you might not buy that but I'm not comfortable around others and don't get my ideas out as clearly as when in type. I DO HAVE Family and people I could try to talk to and yet first I find myself making excuses. And then more excuses, and then more...LOL, damn...

So, that's a excuse and I'd love to be able to be inspired to find true love in real life, real relationships, become verbal, intelligent in real world communication. And maybe that is a problem flaw i currently have. I could accept that. Maybe i just haven't found the proper area of motivation, inspiration to learn from.

But life is so short, and I keep dramatizing my life, over playing it, and it's selfish and obnoxious on these forums. So, I apologize.

I'm just lonely. And I know i don't deserve that much attention and I don't give a lot back. I could make excuses but ultimately I don't mean to hurt any one. Yet I seem to go through life leaving bad impressions and hurting people.

I've been so ignorant, in wanting to make excuses, in wanting people to think I've had my share of bad experiences that I'm not thankful enough for what I have. The first place I go from there is trying to find flaws to explain myself and yet I should keep on trying to see the positive.

Yet I keep making excuses and I haven't seen more positive yet and yet I keep being negative.

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Like a coward, I've been posting on line why I can't make friends, why I'm not happy. I've been finding reasons, hiding behind excuses. I know I struggle socially and I know I'm not happy, I'm depressed, I'm lonely. My life isn't everything I would plan for it to be, had I the choice. So what? is any one's?

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Nothing wrong if you post online about yourself and sharing with everyone your problems! That is one of the purpose for internet, that is to share information! :bigsmile:

I can be your friend if you dun mind! And everyone had a choice! That is what life is all about! :kaoclove:

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But, I make these threads that ultimately are about me, and I go on and on about whatever I'm on about and it's just me complaining about my problems. I'm trying, I really am trying to figure out my problems. But, I think people misunderstand, misinterpret this. I'm trying to be a better person and I have no one to talk to, no friends, no family. I know you might not buy that but I'm not comfortable around others and don't get my ideas out as clearly as when in type. I DO HAVE Family and people I could try to talk to and yet first I find myself making excuses. And then more excuses, and then more...LOL, damn...

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It might be better if you make threads to share your problems instead of keeping it all to yourself you know, who knows you might break or something! If there is someone among us all that will give good advice, then it is good for you! :bigsmile:

If you feel more comfortable talking to us, you can alway do so until you are ready to talk to others! One step at a time! :bigsmile:

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So, that's a excuse and I'd love to be able to be inspired to find true love in real life, real relationships, become verbal, intelligent in real world communication. And maybe that is a problem flaw i currently have. I could accept that. Maybe i just haven't found the proper area of motivation, inspiration to learn from.

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I think many people inspire what you inspire too! But they dun just come falling from the sky just by inspiring about them! Work for them! Through hard work and effort, you will eventually have them! :bigsmile:

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But life is so short, and I keep dramatizing my life, over playing it, and it's selfish and obnoxious on these forums. So, I apologize.

I'm just lonely. And I know i don't deserve that much attention and I don't give a lot back. I could make excuses but ultimately I don't mean to hurt any one. Yet I seem to go through life leaving bad impressions and hurting people.

I've been so ignorant, in wanting to make excuses, in wanting people to think I've had my share of bad experiences that I'm not thankful enough for what I have. The first place I go from there is trying to find flaws to explain myself and yet I should keep on trying to see the positive.

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No one is perfect, but the fact that you are willing to reflect on things that you think are wrong or are flawed, shows that you are willing to change! Change for the better and look into the future! Dun get stuck and dwell on the past! :bigsmile:

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Yet I keep making excuses and I haven't seen more positive yet and yet I keep being negative.

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Then it is time to turn around to the postive side and let of the negative side! Never too late to change! It is all up to you and whether you wanna take the first step out! :kaoclove:

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Originally Posted by spirit

This is about me, all about me. I admit that right off.

Like a coward, I've been posting on line why I can't make friends, why I'm not happy. I've been finding reasons, hiding behind excuses. I know I struggle socially and I know I'm not happy, I'm depressed, I'm lonely. My life isn't everything I would plan for it to be, had I the choice. So what? is any one's?

But, I make these threads that ultimately are about me, and I go on and on about whatever I'm on about and it's just me complaining about my problems. I'm trying, I really am trying to figure out my problems. But, I think people misunderstand, misinterpret this. I'm trying to be a better person and I have no one to talk to, no friends, no family. I know you might not buy that but I'm not comfortable around others and don't get my ideas out as clearly as when in type. I DO HAVE Family and people I could try to talk to and yet first I find myself making excuses. And then more excuses, and then more...LOL, damn...

So, that's a excuse and I'd love to be able to be inspired to find true love in real life, real relationships, become verbal, intelligent in real world communication. And maybe that is a problem flaw i currently have. I could accept that. Maybe i just haven't found the proper area of motivation, inspiration to learn from.

But life is so short, and I keep dramatizing my life, over playing it, and it's selfish and obnoxious on these forums. So, I apologize.

I'm just lonely. And I know i don't deserve that much attention and I don't give a lot back. I could make excuses but ultimately I don't mean to hurt any one. Yet I seem to go through life leaving bad impressions and hurting people.

I've been so ignorant, in wanting to make excuses, in wanting people to think I've had my share of bad experiences that I'm not thankful enough for what I have. The first place I go from there is trying to find flaws to explain myself and yet I should keep on trying to see the positive.

Yet I keep making excuses and I haven't seen more positive yet and yet I keep being negative.

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aw, cheer up buddy, your just having your first depression thread, I've had several, and everything turns out awright

Chin up mate :hat:

Everyone's got their fair share of problems/issues. There's absolutely nothing wrong with posting about them online, despite what some people would have you believe. The main reason we have EoEO is so people can feel comfortable posting about their personal life.

I understand what you're talking about, and what you may be feeling all too well. I was in a similar situation a few years back. It really is an awful feeling to feel like you're all alone in the world.

One thing I would suggest is that if you feel a friendly connection with someone here you should make an effort to talk to them outside of EoFF. I've got a ton of friends from here that I talk to over msn. Even if it's just a friend over the internet at least it's a friend, right?

Pretty sure I get how you're feel too. Its not really cowardly. You're just lost. I'm sure you'd do whatever it is you'd need to, if only you knew what that was. Maybe you feel like you've waited too long, you haven't met the people you need to meet yet, you haven't done the things you need to do to get your life where it needs to be. And all the things working against what you need just keep piling up and you never knew what to do about them and now they're overwhelming you. You don't know where to turn, what to say, what you need, or what to expect others to say. But you're man enough to at least come out and say it and admit you need help and seek whatever it is we can offer. And this is probably a great place for that. I know a lot of people have been very blunt with you in some of your threads, but as Yearg pointed out in one of them, nobody hates you or anything. Sometimes we may get confused or take what you say the wrong way, some people can't even follow your train of thoughts sometimes. But nobody holds any real ill will towards you

I do think you're over-thinking things, and letting yourself fall down a spiral of self-destruction. You're expecting too much from yourself and your life right now and need to take things one step at a time. There's not going to be any quick fix for inner turmoil. We're all willing to listen, and be a friend. Not promising all of those opportunities will catch forever, but you could at least end up with a few good friends out of it. Focus on that for now

Later one when you're happily chatting away goofing off with friends, it won't seem so bad being romantically alone, since you're not completely alone. And once you let go of looking for love, you're actually more likely to find it. Who knows, maybe one of your new friends will have another friend. And one day you get invited into a chat and accidentally stumble across your future. Stranger things have happened. But its not likely going to happen while you pine over it. So even though it sucks not having anyone to cuddle with, its best not to worry about it right now

And I can't talk to my family either. Never could. Used to be I couldn't talk to anyone. Until I found a life on the internet. I realized its so much easier to type what you're thinking than to say it. For me at least. Thinking things through better, articulating better, my fingers don't hesitate the way my voice does. Stuff like that. But once you get comfortable with certain people, you can be your real self no matter the context. So don't lose hope. Just don't push yourself too hard either. You'll get there

You need to start working on your life bro. Making huge posts on the internet isn't going to solve anything and you know you can't keep living this way.

I hope you find that inspiration sooner rather than later. In the meantime, though, if you feel that you are at a low and you have nothing to lose, you should try picking up your confidence and initiating some conversation - if you can't do it in the open, practice in chatrooms and see how that goes. You could try to find local forums for your area where you can chat anonymously and if you find yourself getting along with people well enough, you could meet up with them later on. Not sure, but in the end it will need to be a decision by yourself to make the effort - unfortunately our advice is not going to get anywhere without you making that resolution and sticking to it. Which I hope you do.

I know it's difficult to make friends at an older age but it's worth it. And if you have any friends from a younger age, try meeting up with them for lunch or something and see how it goes.