You're still woozy from the vinegar. Go lay down!
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You're still woozy from the vinegar. Go lay down!
Waste of ammo. We need every bullet we can get to threaten the natives.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shorty
Perhaps suspiciously, we haven't run into any of them yet. Do you think they're following us?
EDIT: rest a while and see if the mule heals :(
Nooooo c'mon can't we let poor Muley rest for a bit :(
If I were going along for the ride, I'd suggest abandon Jessweeee behind with her mule to care for it while everyone goes ahead. However, I'm not so it's all up to you guys to decide what to do with the mule.
Resting a bit for the mule :)
Attachment 36360
YES LET'S REST IN THE MIDDLE OF THE MOSQUITO NEST
THAT'S CLEARLY A GOOD PLAN
Let's get advice.
"BAD MOSQUITOS"
So what, do they like... not suck blood very well or something?
Attachment 36361Quote:
Originally Posted by Jessweeee♪
"These mosquitos are terrible, let's just stay where they are!"
Blimey, she has a face like a smacked arse.
Alright guys, so we left those mosquitos behind. The rivers are popping up like daisies, though.
Attachment 36362
It worked once, it'll work again! CAULK MY BITCH UP!
Brilliant idea!Quote:
Originally Posted by Psychotic
Attachment 36363
Oh.
Back just for a bit before I am headed out.
Caulk the thing up. Use Psychotics cock for the extra big holes. :love:
EDIT: Should have used your dick like I said, Psy.
By the time this is over, I'm expecting Pike to be the sole survivor.
This river business is no good.
Attachment 36364
"Mormon Ferry Trading Post"? Oh yeah it's time for Shorty and I to get in on some hot multiple wives action :jokey:
:sebastian:: Darling it's better down where it's wetter, take it from me!
I see no reason to refute Sebastian the Crab. :colbert:
YES
MORMANITY IS BEST HUMANITY
Shorty x Pike x MILF OTP :aimkiss:luvluv
Hey, we'll take one for the team, right Pike? :jokey:
isn't a Moron like a really stupid person? Trading with them sounds like a great idea. We can sell them a couple of beads for $200! Or half their land, if you want to go Native American on their asses.
Let's see who's around o:
Pike will do absolutely anything if you offer her a sexy watch.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shorty
* Joseph Smith pops out of the shack.
Let's trade Shorty and Pike for a few new mules.
Why would you want to trade mules for mules? :confused:Quote:
Originally Posted by Rantz
Guys I'm gonna go hunting while everyone else has fun back at the Mormon Love Shack.
See this bear? I'm gonna shoot it.
Attachment 36365
Pike, I'll trade you my watch for 2 of your finest oxen.
It's not a bear it's a MAMMOTH FROM VERY FAR AWAY
WATCH OUT FOR GIANTS
BAHAHAHA NOW WHAT BEAR
I thought you loved me. :(Quote:
Originally Posted by Rantz
Okay we've had enough polygamy for one day. Let us continue. :monster:
Oh boy, another one of these. Whose turn is it to decide what we do?
Attachment 36366
FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRD
Why don't we CHECK RIVER CONDITIONS since we haven't done that yet
UhQuote:
Originally Posted by Jessweeee♪
uh guys
It's getting kinda wet in here
Attachment 36367
GODDAMN IT
No more fording! Didn't even manage to stay dry from the last time!
We got no troubles, life is the bubbles...
Well we had no injuries at least...
But oh, wait, what's this?
OH WOW
GUYS THIS IS IT
This is the river we've been preparing for this whole time
This sucker is NINE FEET DEEP.
Attachment 36368
SEE IF THERE ARE SOME NATIVES AROUND TO WORK THEIR RIVER MAGIC
CAUUUUUUUUUUUULK!
oh my god we're going to die
Ahahahaha
The way I see it, why should we learn from our mistakes? Our luck has got to turn at some point, right?
Our luck is going to turn upside down and we'll be belly-up in that river.
Up on the shore they work all day, out in the sun they slave away! While we devotin' full time to floatin' under the sea~~~~~~~
There's just a couple of Amish chicks who are like "Yeah I dunno what to do either LOL"Quote:
Originally Posted by Shorty
It's just up to us!
goddamn it.
Caulk it, I guess.
WE HAD A GOOD RUN, GUYS
Well what have we been training for if not this sucker. CAULK IT UP
I'll never let goJackBacon. :whimper:
...
...
...
(SPOILER)We made it across with no issues. :)
AAAAWESOME
Go Team EoFF! :love:
WEEEEEEE ARE THE CHAAAAAMPIOOOOONS
MAH FRIEEEEEEEEEEEEEENDS!
Oh hey look a nice little shop on the other side of the river, let's just see what's inside and OH MY GOD IT'S AN UGLY PIRATE WITH A MULLET
Attachment 36369
ahahaha look at his gimpy wooden leg
Steal his wooden leg. Do it. This is important.
Man he looks scary!
I noticed that we lost our rifle at some point (so we can't go hunting anymore) and the gimpy pirate was selling one but he wanted like half our money for it so he can piss right off as far as I'm concerned! :colbert: Let's continue!
Wait WHAT?! How will we defend ourselves if the injuns happen upon us?!
Buy both of his teapots.
Nice going, Pike. Your family is going to die from starvation since you can't go hunting because you lack a rifle.
Especially because now we're down to a mere 200 pounds of bacon left! D:Quote:
Originally Posted by Aerith's Crabs
Also, ooooh:
Attachment 36370
Search for something! :D
Ignore it, there's probably ghosts or owls inside.
Attachment 36371
YES A KITCHEN CUPBOARD
edit: Oops forgot to crop. :shobon:
I wish there was an option to search it for something useless.
Ahahaha kitchen cupboard wut
Oh man, it's August? We've been traveling for so long ;-;
Look guys, we found another one. And searching it provided something to put INSIDE our brand new kitchen cupboard!
Attachment 36372
MOM
DAAAAD
I NEED TO PEE
No you need to stop playing in the germ-filled MUDQuote:
Originally Posted by Rantz
Attachment 36373
Quote:
Originally Posted by PikeNo you need to stop playing in the germ-filled MUDQuote:
Originally Posted by Rantz
Attachment 36373
Rantz looks like an idiot.
Guys
The game is starting to give me all sorts of warnings
LOW FOOD
NO FRUIT
NO VEGETABLES
We may have to go Donner Party here
I KNEW IT
An unfortunate turn of events may be coming our way :(
SARAH SAID IF WE TOOK THE LARGE WAGON TRAIN THAT WOULDN'T HAPPEN
LIES ALL OF IT
EDIT: Also, what the smurf? Who says you can't live on bacon alone?
NO, I said that in case of a Donner Party situation WE'D BE MORE LIKELY TO SURVIVE
Let's just give Rantz the rest of the bacon.
Attachment 36374
Three feet deep. Caulk... or ford?
Caulk.
Do we need to float if it's only three feet, though?
Wait
Fording it is just rolling through, isn't it?
For some reason I was thinking that's putting it on a raft
Ford it
We have one for caulk and one for ford! Who wants to cast a third vote?
Edit: okay that's two for ford. LET'S DO IT.
##unvote: caulk
##vote: ford
FULL SPEED AHEAD
what the hell is a Donner Party?
I don't care about any rivers, I support this course of action.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jessweeee♪
Uh guys
I don't think fording should work quite like this
Attachment 36375
GOD DAMN IT
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE
EDIT: You've never heard of The Donner Party?
OH MAN YOU GUYS WE'RE GETTING SO CLOSE
Attachment 36376
MORE RIVERS WHAT THE smurf
Cannibalism? Mmm Sarah I bet your butt would feed us for a month :drool:
You stay away from my butt.
That's kind of hard given that I am pretty certain it has its own gravitational pull.
I'm going to sit on you. You will not be happy.
Guys! We made it! :jess:
Attachment 36377
See what lies ahead!
FINALLY
Now to put that gunpowder to good use!
EDIT
WAIT
WILLAMETTE? smurf WE NEEDED TO BY THAT RIFLE GUYS
OH GOD THE PROMISED LAND AT LAST
And nobody died?!
Hurray! Oregon! ...wait, what the smurf is the point of Oregon? Can we actually do anything?
...do I get to keep the bonnets, or...?
Attachment 36378Quote:
Originally Posted by Tifa's Boobs
Sounds like I've got it made, dunno about what happened to the rest of you guys :monster:
Back and chilling at girlfriend's house with my laptop. Wow! We made it? After more river disasters I thought at least one or two people would have died!
I like to think that Oregon me sat in the back and drank booze the whole time.
Congrats everyone! *high fives EoFF Trail group*
Go rep the first post you butts!
Attachment 36379
The final score!
NEW GAME?
Attachment 36380
Good job you guys, we scored better than Bizarro-Dubya
There shall be a new game. Not right now, but soon. Soon there will be an EoFF Oregon Trail (more like Oregon Fail, am i rite) Part 2, with 50% more ailments and death.Quote:
Originally Posted by Tifa's Boobs
CAN I RESERVE MY SPOT?
Yes you may!
SIGN UPS FOR OREGON TRAIL ROUND 2:
1. Tifa's Boobs
2.
3.
4.
5.
Thanks to Miss Pike for keeping us all alive! I don't know how she managed to do it, half my party always dies :(
Clearly she is a wizard!
I'll sit back and watch the next time this rolls around. In fact, I think the party besides Pike should be all new EoFFers!Quote:
Originally Posted by Pike
I want to be in part 2!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pike
I'm anxious to see how the new party handles the rivers. :colbert:
Pike is a robot. Robots never fail.
I'M IN!
SIGN UPS FOR OREGON TRAIL ROUND 2:
1. Tifa's Boobs
2. Del Murder
3. I'm my own MILF
4.
5.
We're pulling a pretty good team together so far. This next game is gonna be good.
Okay, I'm in it then!
Jessweeee♪ was the only one who cared about the remaining animals enough to keep feeding them bacon until the grass grew long enough to gnaw on, so she settled as a rancher. However, the animals had grown to like bacon and for that reason were accepted as true americans and, sadly, fed burgers until they died of overconsumption. Jessweeee♪ died of sadness during the course of the many funerals.
Sephex married the blacksmith's daughter and moved to Klondike to seek his fortune. Sadly, they both sunk and drowned in a three-foot deep river they for some strange reason tried to float across.
Rantz found a new shop clerk girl to act the boy around, which led her to open her skirts for him, thinking he was playing some boyish game. They built a charming family, until sadly, the mother died of old age and Rantz drank his 20's away and eventually died of alcohol poisoning.
Shorty married into great fortune when she found the sheriff was an ass fetishist. Sadly, he couldn't distinguish between the word's different meanings and cheated on her with one of Jessweeee's mules. Until it died and fell on him, killing him in the fall, sadly leaving Shorty to die of loneliness.
Psychotic was driven to insanity when one of his last ten biscuits were stolen. From that day, he was only seen through the window of his cabin, where you could see him gazing out over the plains with the last rifle tightly clutched in his hands, wearing a bonnet and prepared to fight to the death to protect his remaining biscuit and bonnet supply. Sadly, he shot himself in the ankle and bled to death.
Pike lived happily ever after.
Who's the sheriff and where can I get his number?
The Updated List:
Oregon Trail Part 2:
1. Tifa's Boobs
2. Del Murder
3. I'm my own MILF
4. Agent Proto
5.
what version of the game is this? It looks so much better than the early 90's one I played growing up xD
and I'm down to be in it!
It's "Version 5", it came out in... oh I dunno, 2001 maybe? And yeah it's an updated version, it's got quite a lot more stuff in it than the original did which is why I decided to go with it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Bert
OKAY, OREGON TRAIL PART 2!
Oregon Trail Part 2:
1. Tifa's Boobs
2. Del Murder
3. I'm my own MILF
4. Agent Proto
5. Bert
Not sure when I'll get around to this, maybe tonight? Maybe tomorrow? Soon though!
Calling it now: The next party is DOOMED! Not that I want that to happen, but the group I was in got so damn lucky!
We should come up with team names for the different games.
We'll be Team Voldemort.
Aw, I wanna play too...
Let's reserve spots in the Round 3 team.Quote:
Originally Posted by Zack's Crotch
So... when are we gonna start the next round? :3
Well I was waiting for a time when the majority of people who signed up would be online, so if I happen to come online and see that most of ya'll are on, I'll probably start it spontaneously.
It also might not be all in one go like it was last time, so anybody who doesn't happen to be online can get in on the action.
This is better.
D'awww :( I like the idea of reserving for round 3, cuz I'd be in.
LET'S DO THIS
Are people going to be around tomorrow? Let's do it tomorrow.
smurf YEAH
If timing permits, I will be watching this round!
I wondered where this thread came from. I would like a spot in round 3. Though maybe round 3 should be Organ Trail.
EDIT: Also I been to the Laramie River. Good times.
When they stopped in Laramie, I asked if you were there.
WHO'S READY FOR THIS?Quote:
Originally Posted by Pike
I'm going to go to the bank while we wait to see if people show up, then if enough people are here, we'll start it up on my return.
I've been ready.
Speaking of banks, I was always the banker when I played this game because they had the most money. Or we could just rob the bank. Either works.
Speaking of which: while I am gone, help me decide what "class" to play. This determines things like bonuses, cash on hand, etc.
Attachment 36421
Trapper. Kill all the things.
PASTOR
Either Trapper, Pharmacist, or Banker.
And trapper wins the most votes!
This is gonna be good :excited:
WHO'S READY?
Attachment 36422
Del is older than that, try 85 :colbert:
Well? Do we want any other animals besides oxen?
Attachment 36423
A pig and all the chickens imo.
Where are the rest of you bastards :aimmad:
Milk cows and horses
They'll give you milk and let you ride them if you play Epona's song!
How did we spend so much money already. :(
Oxen are fine. We could just trap bears to pull it if need be. The rest are too expensive.
EDIT: Get MILF his chicken so he can choke it nightly
I'm 5!? wth :(!
Whenever I see those status screens, the item shop music from the original Final Fantasy plays in my head.
We need guns. Lots of guns.
Attachment 36424
Also we're low on money because I took the liberty to buy us a few months' worth of food. And some medicine. So it takes a little bit longer for us to die.
What the hell Pike!? Trappers don't need food. We shoot all the food!
All our money should go towards guns, bullets, and whiskey.
Do we want any spares of anything, in case something breaks and we can't fix it?
Attachment 36430
We need about 60 guns. Nothing else.
We're trappers. We live off the land.
Jeez.
EDIT: wtf is a wagon tongue
We need at least 5 guns. 6 if MILF wants to double fist it.
They broke a wheel last time so maybe we should have one of those wheel things.
Also, go back and buy more guns and ammo. Sell the food and Bert if you have to.
Got it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Del Murder
Attachment 36433
Get me some pistols so I can get Annie Oakley up in this bitch.
Tifa's Boobs should have one of those guns that fit snugly in a woman's clevage. Do they sell those?
Okay, more guns. I'm also going to trade some of our food away for even MORE guns.
Attachment 36437
I could probably fit more like 3 or 4 of those, Del. ;DQuote:
Originally Posted by Del Murder
Pics for proof of that claim imo
Also do we have sufficient explosives? I do like my explosives you see, and you never know when several thousand pounds of gunpowder will come in handy.
Good idea, we may need to wire Bert with a suicide vest and send him into an enemy camp at some point.
Better get him prepared with that anyway, just in case something comes up and we don't have time to rig it up before we need a young mujahid to save us.
WHO DO WE WANT TO GO WITH??
Attachment 36440
People are terrible, dangerous, swimming with disease, and probable cannibals. I vote for Train 1.
Let's go with less people so it will be easier to take over the pack once our inevitable mutiny occurs.
Del Murder is the brainsQuote:
Originally Posted by I'm my own MILF
Tifa's Boobs is the looks
Bert is the brawn
DEL MURDER IS THE smurfING WILD CARD
(and Agent Proto isn't around.)
Got it. Train 1 it is!
I also vote Train 1.
Fewer.Quote:
Originally Posted by Del Murder
Say that to the barrel of my rifle, Milf-boy.Quote:
Originally Posted by I'm my own MILFFewer.Quote:
Originally Posted by Del Murder
Attachment 36441
A couple of steps out of town and already a frozen river.
I think with all these guns we'll probably end up killing each other.
Cross on the ice.
Shoot the ice to see how thick it is first.
Send Shorty's fat ass out into the ice. If it can hold her it can hold the rest of us!
@Del: Stannis Baratheon doesn't have time for your nonsense. You will bend the knee (to proper grammar) or I will destroy you.
Hopelessly broken? Sounds about right!
e; well now my post looks pretty silly, thanks Tifa's Boobs! xD
We successfully navigated our way across the ice AND avoided shooting each other to death. I'm proud of us so far.
Attachment 36442
Should we go in and buy more guns?
Day 1 was a success folks! Let's shoot things to celebrate.
Yeah, go in and see if they have any good deals on semi-automatics.
Okay, I bought us some more guns.
Okay that sounds good, but maybe we should consider spending some of our remaining money on some more guns?
Dear Huxley, don't forget we also need ammunition.Quote:
Originally Posted by I'm my own MILF
*GASP*
Attachment 36443
KILL THEM
IT'S THEM OR US
Shoot first is our policy, obviously.
I guess the closest option to that is continue at a distance. Shoot if they approach.
Approach them.
We have guns.
Even Bert.
Okay, we've approached them.
Attachment 36444
I don't trust this guy at all. He looks like the type of a guy in one of those horror movies who you find out is actually an undead at the end.
An "artist" with a "surveying expedition"?
Sure thing "Philip Mattox", you're not a creepy smurfer who eats virgins or anything. My policy regarded undead abominations is well know: Shoot him in the head.
Failing that, spam "Pardon" until he does something amusing.
PARDON?
I got a bad feeling about this...
This guy is getting creepier and creepier. Now he's warning us about "antagonizing the locals".
Attachment 36445
So basically we're in The Missouri Bow Saw Massacre?
He's telling us NOT to shoot things?
Kill him.
The game won't let me kill him ( :( ) so we're just going to walk away slowly. Whilst keeping an eye on him and his gang the entire time.
Our next river isn't frozen!
Attachment 36446