A woman walks into a pub and sees a really good looking bloke sitting at the bar. She goes over and asks him what
he is drinking. He says, "Magic Bitter."
She thinks he's a bit of a nutter, so she walks around the pub. After realising that there is no one else worth
talking to, she goes back to the man sitting at the bar. She says, "That isn't really Magic Bitter, is it?" He
says, "Yes! I'll show you..."
So, he takes a gulp of the bitter, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times, and comes back
into the window. She can't believe it. She says to him, "I bet you can't do that again!"
So, he takes another drink of the bitter, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times, and comes
back in the window. She is amazed. She says that she wants a Magic Bitter. So the bloke says to the bartender,
"Give her a pint of what I'm having."
She gets her pint, takes a gulp, jumps out the window, plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her body and
dies.
The bartender looks up at the bloke and says, "Superman, you're a real asshole when you're pissed."
___________
A bear and a rabbit are walking through the forest when they stumble upon a shiny bottle. The rabbit curiously walks up to the bottle and touches it. The second his furry paw hits the bottle, a mist floats out revealing a genie.
The genie hadn't been out in thousands of years and was anxious to test out his abilities. "You each have three wishes. State them now."
The rabbit was being a generous guy and let the bear go first.
The bear thought for a second and said "I wish to be the only male bear in this here forest."
The genie nodded his head and the wish was granted.
The rabbit just nonchalantly then wished for a..."I wish for a dirt bike."
The genie nodded his head and a dirt bike appeared before the rabbit.
The bear then said for his second wish that he would like to be the only male bear in the entire country-side.
The genie nodded his head and the wish was granted.
The rabbit then wished for a helmet for his dirt bike. He had to be safe, you know.
The genie nodded his head and a helmet appeared on the rabbit's tiny head.
Finally, thinking he was hot ****, the bear said, "I wish I was the only male bear in the entire world!"
The genie nodded his head and the wish was granted. The bear was now the only male bear in the entire world.
The rabbit shouted "I wish the bear was gay!" and rode off on his dirt bike.
___________
Peter was driving down the street one day when an old man slammed into this side of his car. They both get out and make sure each other are OK. The old man says, "God must of wanted us to be friends, or this wouldn't have happened." So the two decide to be friends. The old man climbs into his wrecked car to salvage any belongins, he finds a bottle of liquor and says, "God must have wanted us to drink this, or he wouldn't of put it there. So the young man agrees and drinks some. He asks the old man, aren't you going to have some? "No, replies the old man, I'll wait for the police to get here."
