First, you need to find out when she won’t be home, but her parents will be. Ask friends, colleagues, neighbors, or whatever, for information if you have to;
do not approach her (or her family) at all at this point—it could jeopardize the entire operation, so just be careful. Oh yeah, and be
casual with your contacts—you don’t want one of them to get alarmed and trigger you prey. So anyway. Once you have a time you know she won’t be home, scope out her residence for a few cycles just to make sure that it is a reliable time. This part of the process can also help your confidence keep steady, but you
must set yourself a maximum time before proceeding to the next step, or else you’ll hesitate forever and before you know it she’ll be underground.
Now that you know when she won’t be home, it’s safe to go to the next step. Invite yourself over during her leave. Don’t just barge in, though; you’re going to have to have a reason to be there, and it
must be fictional—I can’t stress that enough, and you’ll find out why later. Make up a story: you’re selling cookies, you need to use the facilities, you used to live in the house and want to check it out, etc. Run the story so that her mother will allow you into the house for a large enough amount of time that she becomes less afraid of you. Do not worry: If you’re turned away the first time, retreat, grow a beard, and return. You can repeat that as many times as necessary, alternating between shaven and bearded (if you drag it out too long, you might need to be more creative: hair dye, stilts, sex reassignment surgery, and so on).
Her mother will sooner or later offer some kind of beverage. Do not worry: It will happen, because it is just something mothers do. If, however, it
doesn’t happen, then there may be something wrong with so (see: Lycanthropy). Accept her offer. The beverage itself doesn’t matter at all—it’s just a prop to ease you and her mother into deeper conversation. Take it! Talk to her about anything. Gather as much information about the girl you’re after, her family, and crap like that, as you can, but don’t push it. Okay? Don’t smurfing push it. Just be cool, and let things flow. If you don’t get much information the first time, don’t sweat it: this step is rather long, so you will have plenty of time.
Make sure that you make it clear that you must leave before her daughter returns. She may invite you to come back some other time, but don’t worry if she doesn’t: in that case, invite yourself over in a week or so (but bring a jug of wine, or perhaps some canola oil. Anything that the mother can cook with, really.) On your second visit (which must also be at a time when your prospective mate is not home) continue to gather information—learn as much as you can, but don’t push it! Remember, you will be repeating this step quite a lot, so you can take it pretty easy.
So yeah. Just keep going over there and talking to her mother. Don’t worry too much about the father; stay on good terms with the man, but don’t get TOO friendly with him, because he doesn’t matter that much. You pretty much only need to make sure you’re never there when the daughter is. Keep at it. After a while, you can start meeting the mother at public places, getting lunch together, and weird stuff like that.
So anyway, where was I up to. Oh yeah. Sooner or later, the mother will want to invite you to meet her daughter (she would have also been telling her daughter a lot about you, which is a sweet little bonus.) Accept her offer, but give her two conditions: that you get to meet her at dinner, and that the dinner will be eaten at a restaurant and day of your choice.
select the restaurant at which you were conceived, and date it for the nearest T-day. When dining, position yourself opposite the daughter, and next to the mother. Pop can eat wherever, like I said: he doesn’t matter too much. Take keen interest in what the mother is looking at getting for dinner, but you must choose for her. Pick anything, it doesn’t matter. Just make up a story that the dish is close to you somehow... like I dunno, a lobster saved your life when you were an infant or something. Be creative, but not fantastic. For smurf’s sake, she has to believe it. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. Just keep in the conversation, you know? When people aren’t eating, there
must be talking: I can’t stress that enough. Probe the daughter for as much information as you can, even if you know it already. It’s just to be a part of things, you know? But you mustn’t talk to much about yourself. You really need to just be proving that you’re interested and a great listener. Say things like “That’s just like your mother!” and other things. Keep it fresh; don’t just give the same response every time, because that will give you away with smurf’s certainty. Think about everything you say, too; proof-read it, if you will, before spilling it out (this may take some practice, so I suggest doing it for about half an hour before bed every night.)
Okay. Dinner’s over. If you did a good job, you’ll be invited for some cake and brandy back at the compound. If you are not invited, it means that you have done something wrong, and (unfortunately) may have to find a way to end your life. But don’t worry: if you follow my rules, you’ll be fine (unless you have genitals on your face.) Yeah. Go back for the cake and brandy, which will be had in the den next to a roaring fire. This is where your endurance will be at your advantage (but when isn’t it?) Discussion between the four of you will go on for a few hours. You
must not give up and retire. Father, who has to wake up early tomorrow, will drop first. Soon, the girl will say she is sleepy, but that there isn’t a spare bed. Do you want to share mine? She will ask you. You will reply with a no, thank her for the offer, and say that the couch will suit you fine (it is, after all, a mighty fine couch.) She might seem a little surprised and confused at this point, but don’t worry: It will mean the plan is working.
So, now it’s just you and the mother. Conversation will slow, but it will still go on for another forty minutes or so. Eventually, she will stop talking. It is important that at this point you
do not say anything: I cannot stress this enough. You will both stare into the fire for quite some time. It might seem like it’s taking forever, but for the sake of love, hang in there! It will all work out (trust the
outta me, I’m experienced.)
She will eventually comment that her husband is no longer gentle with her (or something very similar) Do not reply immediately. Wait about a minute, and say something like: “Heh,” and wait some more. Don’t worry if she says that’s she is an idiot, subsequently massaging her forehead: this has no impact on the scheme. Just keep waiting. When she starts to shuffle in her chair, get up, and walk over to her. Do not take you time! I can’t stress this enough. Don’t pounce, but be firm. Just approach her, thrust your fists into the chair surrounded her skull, then roll your tongue down her throat. Give her enough time to build a little anticipation, but don’t allow enough time to really think about what’s going on. You just want her to think something like: “He’s coming over. Maybe he’ll give me a hug.” Then you’re inside her, and she won’t reject you. Trust me. Kiss her passionately until she pushes you away. She will most likely comment on the incorrectness of the situation, but don’t worry: this is normal, and she really wants to. Don’t stop, either. Keep going until the two of you have made love at least twice.
With the fire now in embers, the two of you will be exhausted on the floor. Stroke parts of her from time to time: her inner thigh, her sternum, the back of her neck, and so on, but don’t over do it. Just be gentle and show that you really care about her, and that you weren’t solely interested in her vagina. The two of you will talk about what happened. Say that it was amazing, even if it wasn’t. She’ll say that it can never happen again, but tell her you want more. No, you
need more. Don’t give her time to answer. Kiss her on the forehead and get dressed. Whisper something sweet, and finish it with the promise that you’ll see her again.
Keep this clandestine relationship going for several months. You
must not get caught: I cannot stress this enough! Getting caught will ruin everything. Meet her to make love about once or twice a week to begin with. After a while, you can increase the frequency, but you will have to be creative with the places of fornication; orthodox situations, while great, come with a higher risk of being caught. After a while, tell her that you have to leave for a while, but you will be back (you don’t actually have to leave: you can just stay in your basement for three months if you like.) Now, there is no set time for how long you’ll have to be away, but you want to give her enough for her to develop a thirst for you. Oh, and don’t tell her where or why you’re going, either. Just tell her that you cannot say at this point.
When you return, she will fall into your arms crying. She will tell you that the pain of you being away was unbearable, and that she cannot lose you. She might tell you things like she worried of you sleeping with women in Madrid, or having your through slit in Tokyo. Even if she doesn’t, don’t worry: she worried. Then she will slowly stop sobbing, and sober up, if you will. Now being dead serious, she will give it to you straight: She’ll tell you that in the time you were gone, she left her husband, and now she wants to marry you. Accept, and tell her that you love her. For extra credit, try shedding a tear or two. Oh, and make sure that you tell her of your aching for being apart: I cannot stress how important it is that she hears this. You mustn’t be too quick to blurt it out, but you MUST do it before she asks if you missed her. If she asks, it will be over, and you’ll have to kill her and start again with someone else.
Anyway, the wedding. Being impromptu and unfaithful, there will not be a large guest list. But there must be guests. One must be the daughter, and at least three others (doesn’t matter who the three others are, but it’s pretty obvious that the father won’t be there (oh, speaking about him, he might approach you and threaten you. He’ll sample from a very negative scale of things to tell you. Don’t worry: at this point, it is safe to kill him, or have him killed. However, you must ensure that this is the perfect crime, and nobody ever discovers you: I cannot stress the importance of this enough. Note that he may commit suicide before you even return to marry his ex-wife, so don’t worry about it too much).) Where was I? Oh yeah, the wedding. Now, this is where everything pays off: you will have sex with the daughter on this day. It might not be easy, but you will
have to do it. If you don’t the entire operation will be void, and you may have to burn evidence of your existence shortly before jumping off a cliff. Anyway, screw the daughter on the wedding day. Do whatever it takes to do this (you’ll have to stop short of rape, though (it’s illegal)). Also, you will have to do it before you and the mother are actually wed, so it can be quite a challenge.
Once you’ve wed the mother, allow your marriage to flourish for a few months, but keep things surreptitiously going with the daughter. The daughter will one day tell you that you have to end things with one of this, as she does not want to fool her mother for another day. Accept this. You will have 48 hours to sit your wife down and explain to her what’s going on. Tell her that you always loved her, but that her daughter took advantage of you on the wedding day. Tell her that, at first, you didn’t want to keep things going with the daughter, but she was persistent. Tell her that you still love her greatly (always will), but your thirst for her daughter is now too much. Then tell her that you and her daughter are going to change your names and move to Colombia (you will actually have to do this). Your wife will either be dead silent, or scream
through your brains. Either way, at this point you can’t fail: just walk out of the house, pick up her daughter, and flee to Colombia.
While getting dinner in a small eatery in Riohacha, she will comment on how this is your first real date together as couple. Peck her on the forehead, tell her that you know, and then remind her of your love for her.
That’s the trick I usually use, and it is quite effective.
