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my mom sent me a burned copy of a 1986 vhs recording of my sister oozeing out of her vagina. she told me it was a real popcorn movie and she sent me some cookies too what in the hell why is she so thoughtful i dont even call her
Some of you guys probably have parents. I made a thread, here
How old was your sister in the video?
I stayed all up in my mom's business a month late because I was getting free room and board. Then some jerk kicks me out of my wombartment and slaps me to add insult to injury. Held up in there for 19 hours before they could get to me too. Bastards.
I am a bagel.
Weird, I have two of those.
Similarly, my head was too big for my mom's vagina... so they gave her an episiotomy (a surgical cut in the muscular area between the vagina and the anus). Without any pain killers.Quote:
Originally Posted by Tifa's Boobs
She never has let me live it down. ;________;
I also have a father, a stepmother, and my mom would be on her third husband but she's too chicken to get married again so they just live in sin. I've known my stepdad since I was a kid though so I like him.
I was a beast of a baby and was cut out of my mother.
Okay, Bronan.
I was born yellow. I had jaundice so I was literally the color yellow. It went away, but then I was white so everyone thought I was the wrong baby. To add to that, my mom said I had Asian eyes. Starting to look more like my mother now so I don't have suspicion that I was stolen from the hospital anymore. :shifty:
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Originally Posted by NorthernChaosGod
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Originally Posted by Tifa's Boobs
*snip*Quote:
Originally Posted by ShlupSimilarly, my head was too big for my mom's vagina... so they gave her an episiotomy (a surgical cut in the muscular area between the vagina and the anus). Without any pain killers.Quote:
Originally Posted by Tifa's Boobs
EDIT: Not acceptable for EoFF. -Murder
I was also born yellow. I looked otherwise exactly like my mother though.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shiny
I was born 4 days early and my Mum had to have a C-section due to the fact my heart rate dropped sharply during birth. I would spend the first 2 weeks of my life in an incubation unit a result. There are 10 years between my older sister & I and apparently 4 or 5 failed pregnancies during that decade. Not long before I was conceived my Mum's doctor recommended she have a histerectomy but she decided she wanted 1 more go at having a 3rd child. Thanks to my parents decision to try that one last time I am here today. I asked my parents a few years ago why they kept trying and they said because after they had 2 daughters they wanted to see could they have a son apparently.
I was born wearing a smoking jacket, enjoying a fine cigar and reading Wind in the Willows.
:onoes: Why the hell didn't they let her have any painkillers?!Quote:
Originally Posted by Shlup
Something to do with the baby and not wanting to get painkillers in the baby's system I guess.
I was also a c-section. I mean......I used industrial mining equipment like augers and directional chargers and tunneled/bored my way out of my mother.
I was very early and almost kicked the bucket. Good times.
Someone split my daddy's head open with a pool cue and I jumped out and scissor kicked the culprit right in his face.
Mom says I was pretty easy (as far as childbirths go anyway) and always quiet as a baby. They were worried something was wrong 'cause I wasn't crying.
I was born with a heart defect which has sort of gotten better over the years but it's still backward and a few sizes too big.
Pike has a bear's heart!
After I popped out of my mama, the first thing she did was ask for a chocolate-covered banana.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pacific hagfish
She just had a baby! Damn, your mom works fast.
Bananas are better than bastards!
You're a bastard?Quote:
Originally Posted by Pacific hagfish
EDIT: Srry, I thought chocolate covered banana was a euphemism for a black man.
Conceived out of wedlock, baby. Yeah, my deeply religious mother loved me asking how I was born in October if she was married in June.
You aren't a bastardo!Quote:
Originally Posted by Pacific hagfish
You are obviously a Mormon-with-wonderful-family-morals sitcom baby! You came early for viewers. :)
Obviously not better than a chocolate banana, though. :aimmad:
I'm surprised you're white, and not a lovely mocha colour.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pacific hagfish
My 3 youngest "sisters" (my parents adopted 3 of my oldest sisters kids because well that's a LONG story) & they are all bastards. Bastard is a terribly outdated phrase!
I much prefer lovechild.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shattered Dreamer
Agreed!Quote:
Originally Posted by Tifa's BoobsI much prefer lovechild.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shattered Dreamer
Love sometimes has nothing to do with it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Tifa's BoobsI much prefer lovechild.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shattered Dreamer
smurfchild
I too am a lovechild. In fact I suspect my father wasn't officially divorced from his first wife when I was conceived.
Yeah I was born five months after my parents tied the knot. What's really funny is that I was aware of this my entire life but the implications of it didn't occur to me until I was like 20 because I just never thought about it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pacific hagfish
Sometime last year my mom "admitted" to me that I was conceived out of wedlock and I was like "Yeah I did the math on that one already Mom, no big."
If you're not legitimate, then you can't inherit land. You lot should try to be named an official heir by the king.
But I like being a Snow. :(
I have lots of practice legitimizing my heirs in Crusader Kings 2. Does that count?Quote:
Originally Posted by Flambard D'Quinceteth
Six months, for me. Albeit with the fact that I was significantly early, who knows which side of the wedding my conception fell on. Unimportant anyway.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pike
Apparently it took my cousin 18 years to figure out that her parent's wedding anniversary is a year less than her age :lol:Quote:
Originally Posted by Pacific hagfish
I was born normally and on time in a hospital. Amazing. My parents have two wedding anniversaries though, one in July and another in October. My birthday is in September :p
My parents, were married six years after I was conceived yet some how got pissed at my brother for having two kids out of wedlock. Hmm?Quote:
Originally Posted by PikeYeah I was born five months after my parents tied the knot. What's really funny is that I was aware of this my entire life but the implications of it didn't occur to me until I was like 20 because I just never thought about it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pacific hagfish
Sometime last year my mom "admitted" to me that I was conceived out of wedlock and I was like "Yeah I did the math on that one already Mom, no big."
Very well, where should I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen-year-old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. A sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. If I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard, really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fifteen, a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shaven scrotum. At the age of eighteen, I went off to evil medical school. From there...
It's hardly an issue nowadays when your parents aren't married when you're born is it? Or at least it shouldn't be!
America is still hilariously Christian, remember.
I just went on up and slipped out, no worries on either end!
Edit: Reading further, seems the topic changed. My parents were married before having kids, though it's not like they're religious or anything.
I was six months old when my parents married. Most people didn't give a smurf but to this day my mom and her mom don't get along well because of it.
The people who take issue with that sort of thing are the real bastards.
Ah yes Christianity, the point at which all common sense gets abandoned. Ireland can be ridiculously backward that way too.Quote:
Originally Posted by Flambard D'Quinceteth
I'm a Catholic btw wasn't trashing anybodies belief. But seriously if you're born into a family unit of some description that will love & care for you who gives a rats ass.Quote:
Originally Posted by Shattered Dreamer
My response to this is not even worth posting. I would look like such a dweeb omg!!! xDQuote:
Originally Posted by Sylvie
What was oozing out of her vagina?Quote:
Originally Posted by balloonMy response to this is not even worth posting. I would look like such a dweeb omg!!! xDQuote:
Originally Posted by Sylvie
Warning: Mockery of religion in a GC thread. Abort. Abort.
Well, yeah. You didn't think I'd actually have a baby, did you?Quote:
Originally Posted by Flambard D'Quinceteth
I was indeed being facetious.
my posts SUCK!!!!1
So I already know you watched it more than once.
It's disgusting, isn't it?
my brother was 3 when my parents got married, and i was born almost a year later. However, I will bewalkingwaddling down the aisle at 8 months pregnant. Doesn't bother me, we picked the date about a month or two before Peter was conceived and we had been engaged almost a year at the time, so *shrug*
You're from the west, you'd be more like a Hill!Quote:
Originally Posted by Pacific hagfish
There's snow where I come from. :colbert:
and as I recall, the Hills lived in Texas or some trout
I was born the normal way. I was a relatively big baby at almost 9lb born. I am also a bastard by birth because my mother was never married to my father. I don't find it offensive to be called a bastard by people I normally just sit there, smile and say "Oh I know I am, least I was born one though... what's your excuse?"
My mom was 6 months when she got married to my dad (they have been divorced since i was 13) i was born 3 weeks late, I was to big to come out normally (She nearly died with that) so they did an emergency C Section.
I believe my parents were married when I was born. They divorced when I was young though, probably around 5 or 6, I'm not entirely sure. I don't remember my dad too much since after they divorced we've had limited contact. I heard some horror stories about him from various people that knew him but I'm not entirely sure if they were true or not. I don't even know why my parents divorced. The few times I have talked to him, he seemed like a fairly nice guy, but we're talking 17 years later, so he could have changed after his second divorce.
My mom died when I was 14, right after my freshman year ended, of a brain aneurysm. I was raised by my grandmother, "aunt", and various friends and family after that.
The water sack didn't break when my Mum was pregnant with me, ergo I'm a water baby as my first breath was underwater. I'm meant to bring good luck to a fisherman, shame I don't know any. I really really really love water. :excited:
So you're like the closest thing I'll find to a mermaid?
My parents had broken up by the time I was born. My dad picked my mom up from the hospital and gave her a ride home in his new girlfriends car. Fully equipped with roachclips hanging from the review :cool:
No one has ever said that before, and I've never even thought about it. I've always been natural with water that's all!Quote:
Originally Posted by Sylvie
You must be a mermaid.
But she's on land and can speak. Presumably.
I'm speaking in the context of what the most realistic "mermaid" entity would materialize as. A woman with a giant fish bottom and tit is obviously fantasy. A real one is something like Zeldy. She was born drowning and she turned out to almost require communicating and experiencing excess water.
All I know is what my Mum told me, I dunno if it's greatly rare or if it has any significance at all, I have absolutely no idea :D Being a mermaid would be pretty cool, though!
You are one. You're living it. Is it awesome?
As cool as that is, I'm still waiting for Ariel.
Well maybe if Zeldy has kids someday they'll fit into your definition of "real" mermaids.
I was born about six years after my parents were married because my mother forgot to take her pill.
I was born about two weeks early in what the old women call en-caul which means I had part of the amniotic membrane draped over my head and shoulders. Zeldy was born in what's called full caul, since she was still inside the amniotic sac.
It means were magic and can read palms and trout. Also that we won't drown.
So can I hold you both underwater for a while?
I was born so out of wedlock, my parents got married when I was like 15 or something. And my parents were 16 (mom) and 17 (dad) when I was popped out, so I am living proof that teen pregnancy is a bad idea! Also being as this was Belfast the nurses were all very nasty and judgmental towards my mom because of the whole out-of-wedlock/underaged thing.
My mom is about 5'2" today, so I don't know if she'd even topped five feet when I was born. I was huge. She mad!
parents were never married. conceived on halloween in what was described as the "wizard van". dad was married to another woman with two kids already. mom's life went downhill since that day - he got her into drugs, both contracted diseases and she passed away last April at forty-nine. he has been married three times with nine to ten (we're not exactly sure on one) illegitimate children he does not support in numerous parts of the state. spent a lot of time in jail for embezzlement and insurance fraud over the years. still a delusional junkie and pillpopper, presently living in florida with his twenty-five year old girlfriend that drank wine and railed oxycontin frequently during her pregnancy and making a living off of prescription forgery and illegal distribution of painkillers. he does not remember the names, ages, and birthdays of all of his children and neglects all but three of them. my oldest half-sister is proof the fruit does not fall far from the tree; she has a beautiful and intelligent ten year old daughter who lives with her ex-boyfriend. she has moved from state to state with her new husband over the past six years and has not put forth any effort to even try and be a proper mother to her. she focuses all of her attention on spending money lavishly and treating her second child like he's jesus personified.
i kind of went off on a tangent there, but it is what it is.
Probably, when you're that short you stop growing at like, age 12. (I know this from personal experience. :( )Quote:
Originally Posted by I'm my own MILF
This is so cool. I searched it up online and we could actually join a cult of other 'caulbearers'. That's what we're called. This site in particular was amusing.Quote:
Originally Posted by fire_of_avalon