FF7 Jokes

Okay, I just thought that this would be a fun thread to make. As the title indicates, anyone with an FF7 joke can post it here. Jokes can come from the movie as well or any funny thing that happened in to you in your game. Baisically, if it's funny and related to FF7, post it here. Here are some of my own jokes as an example:

Q: You know why Cloud has been a fighter for most of his life?

A: Because with a name like 'cloud' in the third grade, you'd better know how to fight!


In the game booklet, it says that to truly become a master of this game you have to know how to use materia such as Mystify and Time, but that is not true. To become a master of this game you have to know how to use one materia in particular.
Mime :D

P.S. Please post only appropriate jokes please. Thank you.

Q: What was Cloud's real response when Tifa asked him if he "wanted something hard" in the 7th Heaven bar at the beginning of the game?

A: "You give me something hard and I'll give you something hard."

All right, now no one take any offense (Aeris lovers) but this was pretty funny.

I was feeling grumpy that day when I was playing the game (for the 2nd time) and when I had the chance to name Aeris (who I don't really like all that much) I decided to just fool around in entered a word. I meant to delete it, because I just fought a boss and I don't want to go through it again just to rename her, but I accidentally hit select. After that Aeris said,

"Hello, I'm Bitch, the flower girl."

I laughed for hours.

Then I had to restart and kill the boss again. That made it less funny.

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Originally Posted by Dragon Mage

All right, now no one take any offense (Aeris lovers) but this was pretty funny.

I was feeling grumpy that day when I was playing the game (for the 2nd time) and when I had the chance to name Aeris (who I don't really like all that much) I decided to just fool around in entered a word. I meant to delete it, because I just fought a boss and I don't want to go through it again just to rename her, but I accidentally hit select. After that Aeris said,

"Hello, I'm Bitch, the flower girl."

I laughed for hours.

Then I had to restart and kill the boss again. That made it less funny.

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None taken.:)

A very common Reno joke......

Reno:What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee cord?MY ASS.

Erm...that's good, but I've seen it before. Does anyone have any jokes/funny things/bloopers that they made up? (no offense Aralith)

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Originally Posted by Omnislasher Draco

A very common Reno joke......

Reno:What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee cord?MY ASS.

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thats Kung Pow.
"I too am a birdie" is another great line:cool:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Dragon Mage

All right, now no one take any offense (Aeris lovers) but this was pretty funny.

I was feeling grumpy that day when I was playing the game (for the 2nd time) and when I had the chance to name Aeris (who I don't really like all that much) I decided to just fool around in entered a word. I meant to delete it, because I just fought a boss and I don't want to go through it again just to rename her, but I accidentally hit select. After that Aeris said,

"Hello, I'm Bitch, the flower girl."

I laughed for hours.

Then I had to restart and kill the boss again. That made it less funny.

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Heh i give names like that to my useless chocobos, i called one ass and then released it

Q: Why is Cloud's hair REALLY so spiky?

A: He never takes a shower, and gets giant cowlicks!

clouds hair is spikey cuz it makes him look all badass.....hahahahahahah.....i know that isnt funny but i remember seein a thing on youtube with a trailer of AC with the subs changed...its funny cuz when they show that scene where tifa is sayin stuff like "your afraid it might turn into something irrocoverable again..."and"those that live alone"and whatever...but in the changed subtitles its like..."you jus stand there lookin all badass...and marlene says"is cloud gonna do something cool..." tifa:"i hope so...something with tons of swords...." and vincent has his own game now....its only a matter of time before barret gets his own game.....hahahahahhahah.....its funny.....you should watch it....i think i found it on this forum...i cant remember the name of it....jus search it...

oh yeh....this is kinda funny...

what kinda women is lucrecia.....she did it with that scummy hojo....she sounds like a real skank....hahahahhah...if i was vincent i wouldnt go near that whore....hahahahahhahhahahahahah

i posted somthing along the lines of this in another thread when i was commeting on the boss fight with hojo on top of mako cannon....it just reminded me....hahahahahahahahahahahaahh

back onto calling people stupid stuff. on one run through i renamed EVERYONE to strupid names. can't remember them all though

cloud - rupert
tifa - pandora
barret - mr. T
aeris - hos
red XIII - can't remember :D
yuffie - n00b
cait sith - box
vincent - emo
cid - hank

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Originally Posted by sephirothishere

oh yeh....this is kinda funny...

what kinda women is lucrecia.....she did it with that scummy hojo....she sounds like a real skank....hahahahhah...if i was vincent i wouldnt go near that whore....hahahahahhahhahahahahah

i posted somthing along the lines of this in another thread when i was commeting on the boss fight with hojo on top of mako cannon....it just reminded me....hahahahahahahahahahahaahh

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no offence, but that REALLY wasnt funny...

Yea, really wasn't........

i wish id never read that.

l-losing...will..to live...urgh.

Yeah, no offense sephirothishere but I didn't see any humor in that. At all. And please don't double post. (That's what the 'edit' button is for. :) )

sorry....ahhh it happens.....

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aeris - hos

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do you mean this like.... "it was just me,hos and little joe..." hahahahahahahahahahahahah

Okay here's something.

When I first got a Gold Chocobo, I was reminded of a some lines from a song: "Ain't no mountain high enough, ain't no valley low enough, ain't no river wide enough, to keep me from gettin' to you, babe."

I thought it was kinda funny.

If you want fun with names, name every character Sephiroth.

I did this and suddenly the story made perfect sense. It was weird.

Tifa: Sephiroth are you okay
Cloud: No Sephiroth its fine
Jenova: Sephiroth you are a puppet!

Haha Griff

Children have always been looked at as the most valuable resource of midgar, after Mako. Now that Mako energy is no more, what shall we burn for power?:cool:

naming Aeris, Big Horse.

One time i named Cloud Hooker and at one part it said:

"That's right. I'm Hooker of Nibelheim"

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Originally Posted by sephirothishere

what kinda women is lucrecia.....she did it with that scummy hojo....she sounds like a real skank....hahahahhah...if i was vincent i wouldnt go near that whore....hahahahahhahhahahahahah

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This load of baloney is so stupid that it's kinda funny

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This load of baloney is so stupid that it's kinda funny

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finally someone gets it........thats the kinda reaction i was goin for...

sephirothishere, I don't believe I have ever seen you post using just one period. It's quite odd, and I wanted to know why you do that. Also, nearly every post you have made that I've seen has many 'hahaha's in it. And while it must seem like quite natural to you, to me it seems quite odd. I do not mean to be rude or anything. I'm just asking out of idle curiosity.

(By the way, you got some good stuff, BizarroSephiroth. Keep it coming.)

the periods make things more like actual speech (i think) and the 'hahahahahas'.....i have funny ideas in my head...like the lucrecia thing only that wasnt funny when i wrote it down...much funnier in my head...hahahaha

you didnt use a phoenix down on aeris and now you can´t because she is at the bottom of that lake ? , you are dumb cloud.

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Originally Posted by Wilder

you didnt use a phoenix down on aeris and now you can´t because she is at the bottom of that lake ? , you are dumb cloud.

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Not dumb, just cheap. http://www.vgcats.com/comics/?strip_id=176

Here is a ff7 AC joke but it still relates to ff7...:

CLICK ME IF YOU WANT TO LEEEEVE!

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the periods make things more like actual speech (i think) and the 'hahahahahas'.....i have funny ideas in my head...like the lucrecia thing only that wasnt funny when i wrote it down...much funnier in my head...hahahaha

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Ah, I see. thank you for explaining that.

And Magnus of Zeal, check that link again.

ok here's one made up by me.

Qn: Why did many people die where ever sephiroth goes?

Ans: Because his blade is too long. No matter where he walks, it bounds to kill people, intentionally or not.

Gay people don't take this the worng way ok

Q: what is Hojos ream last name?

A: Homo

Yuffie's Revenge

Yuffie is walking along when she spots Cloud taking a break.

"Hey Cloud! I have a game that we can play!" she said.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I ask you a question. If you can't get the answer right, then you pay me 1000 gil. Then you ask the next question, if I can't answer it, I give you 1000 gil."

"I'll totally cream you." he tells her.

"Okay then smarty pants." she challenges him "How about we raise the stakes then! Since you're so smart, if you can't answer my question, you give me 50,000 gil! If I can't answer I give you 1000." she tells him.

"I'm still going to be 1000 gil richer by the next question." he says.

"Bring it!" she says.

"How many miles is it to Midgar from Wutai?" he asked her. Yuffie thought and thought, but couldn't think of an answer, so she hands him 1000 gil.

"Thank you." Cloud grinned

"Okay!" she exclaimed. "Now here's my question: "What materia houses more mako than holy and fit in the palm of your hand, is orange in color, and pink in the night time. It glows when you're a girl, and doesn't if you're a guy."

Cloud, feeling stumped, calls his friends over the PHS. No one knows. Then he asks Tifa to look it up. She can't figure it out. He thinks and searches and thinks, but finally has to admit that he's stumped. He dejectedly reached in his wallet and gave Yuffie the 50,000 gil.

"Thank you!" she said and began walking off.

"Wait wait!" he called after her. "What was the answer?" he asks.

Without hesitation, she takes out 1000 gil from her purse and hands it to him.

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Originally Posted by My_car_is_faster_than_you

Yuffie's Revenge

Yuffie is walking along when she spots Cloud taking a break.

"Hey Cloud! I have a game that we can play!" she said.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I ask you a question. If you can't get the answer right, then you pay me 1000 gil. Then you ask the next question, if I can't answer it, I give you 1000 gil."

"I'll totally cream you." he tells her.

"Okay then smarty pants." she challenges him "How about we raise the stakes then! Since you're so smart, if you can't answer my question, you give me 50,000 gil! If I can't answer I give you 1000." she tells him.

"I'm still going to be 1000 gil richer by the next question." he says.

"Bring it!" she says.

"How many miles is it to Midgar from Wutai?" he asked her. Yuffie thought and thought, but couldn't think of an answer, so she hands him 1000 gil.

"Thank you." Cloud grinned

"Okay!" she exclaimed. "Now here's my question: "What materia houses more mako than holy and fit in the palm of your hand, is orange in color, and pink in the night time. It glows when you're a girl, and doesn't if you're a guy."

Cloud, feeling stumped, calls his friends over the PHS. No one knows. Then he asks Tifa to look it up. She can't figure it out. He thinks and searches and thinks, but finally has to admit that he's stumped. He dejectedly reached in his wallet and gave Yuffie the 50,000 gil.

"Thank you!" she said and began walking off.

"Wait wait!" he called after her. "What was the answer?" he asks.

Without hesitation, she takes out 1000 gil from her purse and hands it to him.

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lol that's a good one

Q: What did Barret say when customs asked him if he had any offensive weapons on his person?

A: "It's all in my wrist"

Q: What form of government did Rufus employ?

A: Makovellian

Q: What did Diamond Weapon say when he emerged from the water?

A: Time to get the lead out!

And so on and so on.

These were all pretty bad and not funny at all...

The only ones I have are :

My friend named Aeris "Yo Mama," and after her death Cloud Yells, "Yo Mama, yo MAMA!"

Also, the same friend had a buddy icon of her death ad then at the end of it saying, "PWNED!!!!"...lol its pretty bad but funny.

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Originally Posted by Shadow Masamune

These were all pretty bad and not funny at all...

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I agree, even though I posted in here too.

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Also, the same friend had a buddy icon of her death ad then at the end of it saying, "PWNED!!!!"...lol its pretty bad but funny.

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Hey, I think I might have seen that one! Very nice. Please give him my compliments.