The Proufound Ponderings of the Drunk

The question: How many 5 year-olds could you take on at once?

The specifics:
- You are in an enclosed area, roughly the size of a basketball court. There are no foreign objects.
- You are not allowed to touch a wall.
- When you are knocked unconscious, you lose. When they are all knocked unconscious, they lose. Once a kid is knocked unconscious, that kid is "out."
- I (or someone else intent on seeing to it you fail) get to choose the kids from a pool that is twice the size of your magic number. The pool will be 50/50 in terms of gender and will have no discernable abnormalities in terms of demographics, other than they are all healthy Americans.
- You may wear a protective cup, but no other padding.
- Assume the kids are motivated enough to not get scared, regardless of the bloodshed. Even the very last one will give it his/her best to take you down.

BEST THREAD EVER

I estimate about 25. Beyond that, I don't think there would be much space left so I would be disqualified for touching the wall
EDIT: I wanna give this a try!

I'm so dissapointed in you, Shlup :(.

http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/sh...sb=9&o=14&vc=1

13 i'd say. Just smash a bottle and scare them and they would run away!:D But I am not going to hit a kid, stuff that.:mad:

I could go any number you throw at me. All I have to do is say Bambi's mother died, and they'll bawl so hard they won't notice me walking up behind them and snapping their whinney little necks.

But I'll go 20.

3. I'm pretty lazy.

Zero.

My magic number is zero.

Therefore I escape the fight.

I went for 7, but I have no idea.

Although I probly wouldnt have the guts to hurt them anyway.

hmm I have actually had a similar experience to this except it was a kiddies party I got roped in on and it wasn't a basket ball court it was a bouncy castle. I was alone against 30 or so children...it's amazing how many can attack you and you can carry on moving I had like half of them dangling off me whilst I threw the others around play fighting. It was insane. I do however admit that whilst the most fun I had had in a long while (it was just funny seeing these kids go flying in to the side of the bouncy castle to come flying straight back at me) I was battered blue and black by the time I had done 15 minutes. It's not really a case of how many more how long you can take the pummelling they deliver, at first it don't hurt much but when they've bruised you something rotten and you are still getting punched and kicked then it hurts somewhat.

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Originally Posted by Mittopotahis

I'm so dissapointed in you, Shlup :(.

http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/sh...sb=9&o=14&vc=1

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Why? Because I took out the training part? That part was stupid.

no idea....a lot...i'm assuming kids are easy to knock out. as i have never actually knocked a kid out, i can't be sure but at least 20

2, probably, because I'm out of shape and they're probably almost as tall as I am. :p

The most people I've ever fought at once was somewhere between 15-20 an they were a mixture of teenagers an adults. I managed to beat them, an quickly as well. So I could probably beat up at least a hundred teeny boppers at once.

i r teh ninjuh....

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Originally Posted by Anaisa

The most people I've ever fought at once was somewhere between 15-20 an they were a mixture of teenagers an adults. I managed to beat them, an quickly as well. So I could probably beat up at least a hundred teeny boppers at once.

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Details!

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Anyway, these are normal 5 year olds, right? Do you know what a 5 year old is? You could feasibly knock one out just by smashing it full force.

I could take on legions of 5 year olds, but due to space constraints and rules, I think the upper limit is something closer to 30.

The idea is hilarious though. Thanks for bringing it up.

Maybe about 15. I've tried fighting with my young cousins, and they're surprisingly good at kicking my shins. And they fight dirty. Luckily they'd have to stand on each other to have any hope of hitting me in the head.

I WILL FART SO HARD THAT EVEN A THOUSAND OF THEM WON'T STAND A CHANCE. :bigsmile:

No more than ten. I've only got so much energy and stamina before those kids wear me down and out. Also, I think I'd start to feel bad after seeing a double-digit quantity of unconscious children on the floor, paralyzed in fear and pain.

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Originally Posted by ShlupQuack

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Originally Posted by Mittopotahis

I'm so dissapointed in you, Shlup :(.

http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/sh...sb=9&o=14&vc=1

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Why? Because I took out the training part? That part was stupid.

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Something like that...or the whole plagiarism thing.

Probably just one. Pre-gubernatorial Arnold Schwarzenagger I ain't.

I'm thinking five.
Five five-year olds. This has the ring of a Christmas Carol.

Assuming that all feelings of guilt or remorse for wailing on essentially defenseless little kids is ruled out, I would go somewhere between one and two dozen. Five year olds get knocked out pretty easy, and don't know how to fight to knock you out. Even if you told them, the best way to knock someone out is via the head, and at 6'2" my head wouldn't be accessible until they managed to knock me down - which would take a while, since they wouldn't cooperate with each other and would likely be pressing from all sides. Meanwhile you knock their heads together and they go down. It would end up probably depending on the ingenuity and luck of the kids involved.

Also, the internets are about copying other people's ideas for thread topics like this.

I don't think I could knock a kid out :( but if I was as motivated as they are then. . . Probably three. That's assuming they're smart enough to gang up on me and cling to me and bring me down

This is something I'd like to experience.

They'd be robots ofcourse.

Pfffft
I could take them all! Just give them some ice cream with sleeping pills in it.

I've taken on 3 or 4 7ish year olds at once, and that was no picnic. They can be pretty ferocious when they want to be. But then, I wasn't trying to hurt them, just pick them up and throw them on a beanbag. If force wasn't an object, I would think at least 10, and maybe more if they didn't all rush at the same time. :p

someone needs to create a java game of this

Genius. Absolute genius. :up:

I've never had to take on a five year-old, so I'm probably really underestimating them, but I'd say upwards of twenty.

Oh man...I know a few five year olds...and there's an inside BB court near here...anyone else want to contribute to the 5 year olds?

How many 5 year olds can I KO?

How many you got?

Seriously man, they're tiny freaking kids. I can pick a five year old up with one hand. Grab one by the ankles, improvise them as a club, win.

I kinda want to try this now :(

So, at current count there are at least 9 ninjas on this very board. Suddenly I don't feel safe...

I've got 10 so far. :c)
five year olds to fight that is...

Now, normally I'm a huge wuss. Really, I think a pack of flies could take me. But my hatred for children is so enormous that I truly believe I could go for the upper 20's here. Besides, I see I get to wearing a protective cup, so even if they start to climb all over my limbs I'm sure that I could just crotch thrust and knock them out that way.

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Originally Posted by LunarWeaver

I could just crotch thrust and knock them out that way.

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Win.

I could totally take 18, but there's no way I could handle 19. You people are crazy.

Man up! ...or woman up....i guess... O_o >< SHUT UP AND FIGHT!

My Ninja senses are tingling.

I'd Jacknife they're little asses.

pfft, just go for the throat.

I could take all of them.

18, I am only a simple man.

Zero, kinds of these days are like devils and I am too innocent to handle any of them. :(

None.

Why bother? Five-year olds (especially my five-year old cousins of hell) are annoying.

*flees battle*

Ten at most.

1. Because I'm lazy and a weakling.

Originally Bespoken by Christmas

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I WILL FART SO HARD THAT EVEN A THOUSAND OF THEM WON'T STAND A CHANCE.

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omg i love you! :chuckle:

umm i dont like kids so from pure rage i could take out ten or more...just do the vulcan neck pinch...itll either knock them out or make them cry...its a win win situation.:choc2:

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Originally Posted by Mittopotahis

Something like that...or the whole plagiarism thing.

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I didn't claim I came up with this. Don't be an ass.

If no-one is allowed to touch a wall, I'd throw a kid against a wall and win by default.

I think pretty much any number. It doesnt matter that I tire, cos they will tire too, on accound of climing the pile of their own dead. I reckon at least 30, if they are 5 year olds. Hold on, when you say padding, do you mean no clothes either? They are padding. Oh, and will these kids be able to kick in the nuts? OR will they not know about that?

10, mostly 'cause of the "no touching the wall" thing. Just swing the little bastards by their ankles. :radred:

LMAO i'm loving this thread. I'm a ninja. Little kids are easy to take on, try elephants! Now they are hard to beat.

i'm a ninja...i'd be using 5 year olds as weapons against the others

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Originally Posted by Rye

2, probably, because I'm out of shape and they're probably almost as tall as I am. :p

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I posted this thread in the world of warcraft forums and now I'm banned for a day T.T

Dang...that sucks...Fight the system!

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Originally Posted by DarkHeat787

Five-year olds are annoying.

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More reason to take the little :skull::skull::skull::skull:s out. :spin:

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Originally Posted by I'm my own MILF

How many 5 year olds can I KO?

How many you got?

Seriously man, they're tiny freaking kids.

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Innit. I would take down scores of the little bastards. All it'd take is a boot to the face or a punch to take out a five year old, be serious now.

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Originally Posted by Drift

someone needs to create a java game of this

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No, a flash game. That also allows you to incorporate your height and weight and reflects your personal settings while trying to take 'em out.

And then, and then, and then, and then, you can boost your stats and see how someone like Andre the Giant would fare. :P

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Originally Posted by I'm my own MILF

How many 5 year olds can I KO?

How many you got?

Seriously man, they're tiny freaking kids.

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Maybe for you and Dan, you big emo giants! Us small people can't handle kids almost our own heights. ;_;

Eight. Bring it on! :D

I think I could manage five of them. Most of you guys are stroking your egoes by proudly claiming you could deal with more than five, but you forget how vicious the little guys get when they're cranky.

Biting, clawing...

Being I have been in a very similar situation where there was 30 - 40 kids against me (I checked the numbers with my sister-in-law who was also present at this party) I happen to know I could take over 20 of the little gits! 5 year olds weigh nothing and on average are about 3 - 4 feet tall and weigh under 5 stone! 5 of them isn't too hard it's about tactics here as much as strength, you can't touch the walls so you take centre court and kick the little gits everywhere. When you think I took on my 3 oldest nephews today and even pinning the youngest down one handed managed to beat up the other 2 without effort when one of them is 14 turning 15 in a matter of 5 - 6 weeks it's not effort to take down 20 or so 5 year olds.

What? You mean this isn't an old dead thread that's been revived? :rolleyes2

If I am allowed a cup, than I imagine I could take and smear many a five-year-olds' guts along the floor. I have a particular hate for younger children, so the incentive wouldn't be much of a problem, nor would there be any issues with feeling any sort of remourse.

They can bite, so the smurf can I. I am not the strongest of people, but compared to several very young individuals, such strength is legendary. You recall how your father could seemingly break your hand with ease when you were younger? The same can now be applied to me.