Tell me your drunken tales.

[Christmas]

I once used my secret forbidden drunken fistz on a random passer by.

[Nominus Experse]

Upon one fateful night, I had held a conversation with Captain Morgan for far too long. Captain Morgan is a mischievous bastard, and as such, he told me that my girlfriend was at the party I was currently attending.

She was not. Everyone knew this but me, and I was convinced that she was there.

So I went about, pointing my fingers at people and announcing that they were not Steph. Each person was told that they were not Steph maybe ten times within twenty minutes.

As she wasn't in the house, I figured she was outside.

But prior to going outside, I discovered that I was quite hot, and so I took off my shirt and later my pants, leaving me in my wondrous underwear.

It was winter - the dead of it - and I waltzed outside looking for my girlfriend in the snow.

I couldn't open the door to get back inside, and so I took this as an omen, and was overcome with zeal and conviction - she was outside, somewhere.

In all reality, she was twenty or more miles away in her bed, not outside wandering about this party house.

Whilst looking in the snow, a car came by, and a thought struck me:
I can ask these people where Steph is!

And so I did. I ran as fast as I could with The Captain trying to trip me, but I made it, more or less because the car stopped. They rolled down the window, and I immediately assailed them with a drunken, slurred "Duoo youoo noo wheredaa my grrrlfriend isisiss? Her namesez Stephsh."

I don't really know what happened next to be honest, but from what I was told and can gather, they didn't know who or where she was (naturally), I passed out on the icy stairs next to the house, asked every car that came by, blacked out numerous times and puked even more times, and then woke up in my bed the next day in my neighbor's pants - of whom I had apparently asked to borrow his pants since I was tired of mine...


That was the last night I ever got that royally screwed up, and do not plan to do such a thing again. Although funny in some ways, it could have been terribly worse, with me out in the cold and chasing after cars...

Captain Morgan and I are still good friends, but I can't talk with him as long as he wants me to.

[Mikztsu]

I can't remember any. No, I don't have any funny stories or anything; I guess I'm pretty much as I am sober whilst drunk.

I haven't been drinking in ages though...lost inspiration on alcohol when I met my wifey ( did I make that sound as a huge loss? ). While I used to drink every week before I met her, now I drink about once per two months, which is about 6 times a year. That is, if we don't count our holiday in Sunny Beach, Bulgary last summer. And we always drink together.

[theundeadhero]

My best friend Sweetpea has only thrown two really big parties at his house. They were legendary. At the first of these, we were all outside during Fall enjoying ourselves around a fire. Pretty well into the night I had to pee, so I wondered a little bit aways next to a tree. As I got ready to go I noticed a squirrel real close to me. I decided it would be a good idea to pee on the squirrel. As I started to go the squirrel realized what was going on and started to run. I wasn't about to miss this chance so I ran after it yelling! My friends say they looked up to see me running across a field (it was more like hopping), peeing all over everywhere. I didn't get any on me, but I didn't get any on the squirrel either

Another night I wound up going to a party at this guy Mike's house. I didn't go prepared because I didn't know we would party that night, but one of my friends gave me a bottle of Hot Damn. The was the first and only night I ever drank the stuff. I was real young at the time, but drank the whole bottle. By the end of the night I wound up in my underwear sleeping cuddled up to the flowers in Mike's mom's flower garden outside. I woke up about sunrise, went inside, stared to the left at an empty couch, to the right at an empty bed, and then decided to lay down on the floor between the two for more sleep.

[Gabranth]

i'm sure i have more, but i'll tell you guys about the two that always seem to pop up when i'm with my friends telling old drinking stories.

last year, my good friend threw a party at his bigass house the last friday of the summer. at the beginning, it wasn't really a party, just a few of us drinking some of dat good , POPOV...not really. so we're all just chillin and drinking, and then like 25 people show up outta nowhere, and the house is just full of people, alcohol in every single person's system.

the party kinda died down at around 5 in the morning, and we all started crashing out. i was upstairs (and still hammered) and i was telling my friend that i needed to piss. and then, a lightbulb popped up in my head. my friend that threw the party passed out in his bathroom, barf all over himself because it was his first time getting drunk.

so, me being the hilarious prick that i am, decide that i am going to pee on my friend's face. i go in the bathroom with my other friend, who has a bottle of water, stands there while i get my pee going. and then, i turn a little to the right, and i get a good 3 seconds worth of pee on his face. he wakes up all startled.."did you just pee on me?" and we're like no, russell (my friend w/the water bottle) just threw water on you. and the kid's like, "oh okay, goodnight." he still doesn't know to this day.

call me an asshole, i don't care. time for the next story.

it was halloween time, and the same friend whose face i peed on, his older brother was throwing a huge halloween party at the same house. i didn't have a job at the time, and we were supposed to head to mexico later that night, so i brought like 8 bucks in quarters with me to pay for the few drinks i could get in mexico.

anyways, this party got HUGE. I'm talking like literally 150 to 200 people, all in this bigass house, in the front yard, back yard, the balcony, everywhere. the dude throwing the party even had a dj and there was about 40 people in the kitchen all just grinding on eachother.


so after a good while, about 40 of us decide to head to mexico. we get to mexico and we hit up one of their clubs closest to the border, los panchos. i get inside and i realize i have to pee really really bad. i make my way to the bathroom, get in a stall, whip it out, and start whizzing. after a little while i'm super relaxed, so i just let go of my ding dong and close my eyes.....

bad move. i look back down, only to see no pee going into the toilet, but onto my pants. i quickly regain control of my renegade penis, and i proceed to hit myself with a wad of toilet paper in the piss area on my pants, which was my upper thigh. i was hitting it because i was drunk and it seemed reasonable to just hit it really hard, rather than press the toilet paper on it for a long time. i open the stall door, and a mexican bouncer is just standing there, smiling at me. so i was kinda weirded out.

i make it out to the dancefloor, only to put my head down at a table because

1) my contacts were extremely dry, which always makes my head hurt

2) i had a pretty big amount of piss on my pants

the girl that liked me at the time was like,

"come on marc let's go dance!"

me: "no, thats okay. i peed on myself."

girl: "what?? i can't hear you!!"

me: "NO, I PISSED ON MYSELF, IM JUST GONNA SIT HERE."

girl: *semi-disgusted look* "oh, okay..."

and now we're dating and last friday was our one year. and i went to school the following monday, only to see tons of pictures of me throwing up gang signs under a foosball table at the house we were at, and everyone asking me about me peeing ON my pants, not IN my pants.