i'm sure i have more, but i'll tell you guys about the two that always seem to pop up when i'm with my friends telling old drinking stories.

last year, my good friend threw a party at his bigass house the last friday of the summer. at the beginning, it wasn't really a party, just a few of us drinking some of dat good , POPOV...not really. so we're all just chillin and drinking, and then like 25 people show up outta nowhere, and the house is just full of people, alcohol in every single person's system.

the party kinda died down at around 5 in the morning, and we all started crashing out. i was upstairs (and still hammered) and i was telling my friend that i needed to piss. and then, a lightbulb popped up in my head. my friend that threw the party passed out in his bathroom, barf all over himself because it was his first time getting drunk.

so, me being the hilarious prick that i am, decide that i am going to pee on my friend's face. i go in the bathroom with my other friend, who has a bottle of water, stands there while i get my pee going. and then, i turn a little to the right, and i get a good 3 seconds worth of pee on his face. he wakes up all startled.."did you just pee on me?" and we're like no, russell (my friend w/the water bottle) just threw water on you. and the kid's like, "oh okay, goodnight." he still doesn't know to this day.

call me an asshole, i don't care. time for the next story.

it was halloween time, and the same friend whose face i peed on, his older brother was throwing a huge halloween party at the same house. i didn't have a job at the time, and we were supposed to head to mexico later that night, so i brought like 8 bucks in quarters with me to pay for the few drinks i could get in mexico.

anyways, this party got HUGE. I'm talking like literally 150 to 200 people, all in this bigass house, in the front yard, back yard, the balcony, everywhere. the dude throwing the party even had a dj and there was about 40 people in the kitchen all just grinding on eachother.


so after a good while, about 40 of us decide to head to mexico. we get to mexico and we hit up one of their clubs closest to the border, los panchos. i get inside and i realize i have to pee really really bad. i make my way to the bathroom, get in a stall, whip it out, and start whizzing. after a little while i'm super relaxed, so i just let go of my ding dong and close my eyes.....

bad move. i look back down, only to see no pee going into the toilet, but onto my pants. i quickly regain control of my renegade penis, and i proceed to hit myself with a wad of toilet paper in the piss area on my pants, which was my upper thigh. i was hitting it because i was drunk and it seemed reasonable to just hit it really hard, rather than press the toilet paper on it for a long time. i open the stall door, and a mexican bouncer is just standing there, smiling at me. so i was kinda weirded out.

i make it out to the dancefloor, only to put my head down at a table because

1) my contacts were extremely dry, which always makes my head hurt

2) i had a pretty big amount of piss on my pants

the girl that liked me at the time was like,

"come on marc let's go dance!"

me: "no, thats okay. i peed on myself."

girl: "what?? i can't hear you!!"

me: "NO, I PISSED ON MYSELF, IM JUST GONNA SIT HERE."

girl: *semi-disgusted look* "oh, okay..."

and now we're dating and last friday was our one year. and i went to school the following monday, only to see tons of pictures of me throwing up gang signs under a foosball table at the house we were at, and everyone asking me about me peeing ON my pants, not IN my pants.