Psychotic's Guide to winning the Best Spammer Ciddie

[demondude]

SHORYUKEN!@1113j54qasdaf~!

QFT

[Denmark]

Denmark's Guide to Being Like Denmark at The Ciddies

1. Firstly, the pre-Ciddies months. Be conspicuously absent from posting, so much so that no one notices you're not posting. Continue to visit the forums at least once daily. Post in a random newbie thread or your birthday thread or similar nonsense on a frequency of somewhere between once a month and once a week. Giving your friends from back in the day a couple usernotes during this time period will keep them confident about your continued existence and the fact that you're still somewhat concerned with EoFF.

2. Now, the Ciddies nomination thread has come out. The day this does, start posting in threads as if you were there and active the entire time. Post once or twice in the Ciddies thread, but do not spam it. Peruse the members, find a good newbie to support for Best Newbie. A number of good newbies seem to come out just before Ciddies time, and you can make your own judgment on who you want to support. It could be an excellent newbie thread, an excellent username, or just an excellent overall first impression. If any of your friends from the days of old aren't Cid's Knights yet, they're your nomination for Best Veteran. For Best Regular, nominate the first person you see who posts and fits the criteria. When it comes to the rest of the nominations, try to nominate as many different people as you can, possibly going through the Ciddies thread and picking users at random. Try to always nominate yourself for at least one award, but never the moron award, as that is the only Ciddie Denmark has ever won and this did not please him.

3. Now that you've nominated, it's time to post some more until the nominees come out. Go to as many forums as you can and post in as many threads as you can while you're waiting. Once the finalized list of nominees comes out, look at the thread excitedly, and then sigh as yet again you were not nominated for anything. Go on and vote for your friends and/or those people you see as potential non-winners because you like boosting other people's self esteem. Once you've finished voting, now it's time to write your presentation speech/es. Be creative. Once those are finished and turned in, now it's time to wait for the presentation thread.

4. During the presentation thread, post early and often. Make predictions even though you weren't part of the prediction party. Tell Award Guy to hurry up. Post nonsense that has nothing to do with the Ciddies at all. After the whole debacle is over, Best Member has been awarded, and Award Guy goes to bed, you will post in the "who did you vote for" and possibly the "who did you nominate" (if there is one) threads, and you will then have had your fill of posting for the majority of the next 6 months, when the next Ciddies rolls around. Then it's time to repeat this whole process!

I hope this guide is helpful for everyone who wants to be like me.

[Sefie1999AD]

Here's a little tip for all of us:

Unfortunately, no one can be told what spam is. You have to see it for yourself.

but lookout lollollol spam can cause this:

hgjhd547645gy53ghfjdgiddqdidkfahtfdghjy78gh. Kweh, sorry for the spammabomination. :elk: :frylock: :rsl:

[Fonzie]

I'm gone for two days... and this happens?! WTF? :mog:

[escobert]

I DO NOT NEED THESE STUPID GUIDE TO SPAM! ALL I NEED IS BERRIES AND CREAM !

[Laddy]

BERRIES AND CREAM IS A LIE AND MUST BE INCINERATED BY FIRE AND MOIST WHITE CHOCOLATE WITH YELLOW AND FELLOW RIGHTS AND I LIKE SUNDAES WITH MUSTARD IN THE DRYER ON A FRIDAY WITH SILLY CAT PICTURES AND A MONSTER WHO EATS PHILIP WHEN GOD SPEAKS MORMONESE DURING EASTER WEDNESDAY WHILE ALIAS IS PLAYING RERUNS ON A SUNDAY WITH SUNDAES ON A SUNDAY WITH WILBUR TATUMAN WHILE SPEAKING CANTONESE WITH MY BUDDY QWERTY!

[Vikeve]

There is an art, it says, or rather, a knack to spamming.
The knack lies in learning how to try to make sense and miss.
Pick a nice forum, it suggests, and try it.
The first part is easy.
All it requires is simply the ability to make a long detailed post, and willingness not to mind that it's going to make sense.
That is, you're going to look stupid if you fail to not make sense.
Most people fail to not make sense, and if they are really trying properly, the likelihood is that they will fail to make sense fairly intelligently.
Clearly, it is this second part, the not making sense, which presents the difficulties.
One problem is that you have to not make sense accidentally. It's no good deliberately intending to not make sense because you won't. You have to have your point suddenly randomized by something else when you're halfway through the post, so that you are no longer thinking about posting, or about sense, or about how much you're going to look stupid if you fail to not make it.
It is notoriously difficult to prise your point away from these three things during the few minutes you have at your disposal. Hence most people's failure, and their eventual disillusionment with this exhilarating and spectacular sport.
If, however, you are lucky enough to have your point minutearily randomized at the crucial minutes by, say, Sargeant Hartman's gorgeous pair of legs (tentacles, pseudopodia, according to phyllum and/or personal inclination) or Tavrobel going off in your vicinity, or by suddenly spotting an extremely rare species of CK crawling along a nearby twig, then in your astonishment you will not make sense completely and remain bobbing just a few inches beyond it in what might seem to be a slightly retarded manner.
This is a minute for superb and delicate randomization.
SpAm and be random, be random and 5PAM.
Ignore all considerations of your own intelligence and simply let yourself Uncle Spam 1337er.
Do not listen to what anybody says to you at this point because they are unlikely to say anything helpful.
They are most likely to say something along the lines of, 'Nobody gives a purple pancake what you think, you dumb unable to spam right noob!'
It is vitally important not to believe them or they will suddenly be right.
Spam Marsh 1337er and 1337er.
Try a few image macros, gentle ones at first, then Maps along the forum breathing regularly.
DO NOT WAVE AT ANYBODY.
When you have done this a few times you will find the moment of randomization rapidly becomes easier and easier to achieve.
You will then learn all sorts of things about how to control your spammage, your macros, your 1337ness, and the trick usually lies in not thinking too hard about whatever you want to do, but just allowing it to happen as if it was going to anyway.
You will also learn about how to finish properly, which is something you will almost certainly n00b, and n00b up badly, on your first attempt.
There are private spamming clubs you can join which help you achieve the 321898316 minute of randomization. They spammail people like Lekana or TyphhonTheReapa to leap out from behind Ouch!'s couch and do their thing at the critical minutes. Few genuine spam-hikers will be able to climb over the electric fence to join these clubs, but some may be able to dsf xckmn;lj,8120p 9ALIK 023pp;d 9sa8y 90q 9aoph f03r qp90 etc. etc. and so forth.

Everyhing made sense till the last sentence came by I suppose the last sentence was the only sentence with spam in it though I have a feeling the whole post was supposed to be spam. I find it amazing that I actually read it all.

[bipper]

My crotch is slightly damp.

[Laddy]

Yet you speak in Protugeuse Islamic Jailhouse Lingo?

[Quindiana Jones]

I really like biscuits.

OMG U DO NO WAI!

Yeah I know. It's totally w00t.

YEH LETS GIT NEKKID!!!!

Dude, that sounds whack. Count me in.

OK. 2.

lol u r funneh. lets get sex now.

Stop spamming you spammy bards. I am a Psychotic, EoFF's greatest Cid's Knight, and I will rape your faces.

lol u mean faeces

lol that is actually funny. Have some cookies.

Dude u r awesum. wanna join r sexes?

OMG I'd love to!

rowr I am Leeza I will ban you all now.

OMG we'd better shut up now.

yeh ill pm u, k?

Yeah OK. See ya.

QUIEEEEET!

[demondude]

I really like biscuits.

OMG U DO NO WAI!

Yeah I know. It's totally w00t.

YEH LETS GIT NEKKID!!!!

Dude, that sounds whack. Count me in.

OK. 2.

lol u r funneh. lets get sex now.

Stop spamming you spammy bards. I am a Psychotic, EoFF's greatest Cid's Knight, and I will rape your faces.

lol u mean faeces

lol that is actually funny. Have some cookies.

Dude u r awesum. wanna join r sexes?

OMG I'd love to!

rowr I am LEeza I will ban you all now.

OMG we'd better shut up now.

yeh ill pm u, k?

Yeah OK. See ya.

QUIEEEEET!

I am a man

on a a side noteYouFail.org - You fail life and everything

[bipper]

I really like biscuits.

OMG U DO NO WAI!

Yeah I know. It's totally w00t.

YEH LETS GIT NEKKID!!!!

Dude, that sounds whack. Count me in.

OK. 2.

lol u r funneh. lets get sex now.

Stop spamming you spammy bards. I am a Psychotic, EoFF's greatest Cid's Knight, and I will rape your faces.

lol u mean faeces

lol that is actually funny. Have some cookies.

Dude u r awesum. wanna join r sexes?

OMG I'd love to!

rowr I am Leeza I will ban you all now.

OMG we'd better shut up now.

yeh ill pm u, k?

Yeah OK. See ya.

QUIEEEEET!

Stopp spamming the pyramid you crazy egyptians!

[demondude]

I really like biscuits.

OMG U DO NO WAI!

Yeah I know. It's totally w00t.

YEH LETS GIT NEKKID!!!!

Dude, that sounds whack. Count me in.

OK. 2.

lol u r funneh. lets get sex now.

Stop spamming you spammy bards. I am a Psychotic, EoFF's greatest Cid's Knight, and I will rape your faces.

lol u mean faeces

lol that is actually funny. Have some cookies.

Dude u r awesum. wanna join r sexes?

OMG I'd love to!

rowr I am Leeza I will ban you all now.

OMG we'd better shut up now.

yeh ill pm u, k?

Yeah OK. See ya.

QUIEEEEET!

Stopp spamming the pyramid you crazy egyptians!

Lets make the qote pyrimid so big the internet brakes

[Quindiana Jones]

STOP RUINING MY FAKE PYRAMID!!!

[Little Blue]

Surely you mean

I really like biscuits.

OMG U DO NO WAI!

Yeah I know. It's totally w00t.

YEH LETS GIT NEKKID!!!!

Dude, that sounds whack. Count me in.

OK. 2.

lol u r funneh. lets get sex now.

Stop spamming you spammy bards. I am a Psychotic, EoFF's greatest Cid's Knight, and I will rape your faces.

lol u mean faeces

lol that is actually funny. Have some cookies.

Dude u r awesum. wanna join r sexes?

OMG I'd love to!

rowr I am Leeza I will ban you all now.

OMG we'd better shut up now.

yeh ill pm u, k?

Yeah OK. See ya.

QUIEEEEET!

Stopp spamming the pyramid you crazy egyptians!

Lets make the qote pyrimid so big the internet brakes

STOP RUINING MY FAKE PYRAMID!!!