I did several new and exciting things in my session today, including:

Meeting the Falmer for the first time. They are hilariously stupid. I was in my sneak gear, my follower was in heavy armour, they charged her, I stabbed them. I quite enjoyed myself!

I also met my first Thalmor, and didn't leave a good impression. I was randomly just wandering the areas around Whiterun killing things to fill up soul gems when I saw fire and flailing swords off to the left, so I ran over to investigate. On arrival I found two dead stormcloaks, and saw three Thalmor Justicars sauntering away into the distance. I did not approve of this, and charged them without giving them a chance to explain themselves. One minute they were smugly walking back to wherever the tit they came from, next thing they knew they were arse over tit 30 feet away and being stabbed to death by a frenzied drunken dragon shouting nord. I look forward to seeing their response!

Nazeem's wife sent a bunch of thugs after me, to avenge her dear husband. I rent them asunder, and co-incidentally just happened to be outside chillfurrow farm. Piled up their corpses and left the contract note on top as a nice present for her when she gets back.

also while I was randomly wandering and filling soul gems I had my first real getting hilariously lost in Skyrim moment and I loved it. One minute I was outside Whiterun killing mudcrabs, and then there was a chain of events that went something like "oooh sabre cat! *kill*" "oooh wolf! *kill* "woooow mammoths! *admire*" "FROST TROLL!! *kill*" and then I realised I was in the middle of some smurfing snowed in forest in the middle of a blizzard, and I had no idea where I was. Behind the frost troll was a tomb or fort of some kind, and I could see some bandits. Surely nothing could go wrong if I jumped in to smash them down? The first two went down easily, and then a bandit chief came steaming in out of nowhere, while I was wearing my bitch gear instead of my proper armour. I was getting my ass handed to me, doing virtually no damage and having heaps taken off. I desperately looked through my inventory for something to bail me out of the situation...THE WABBAJACK! it had let me down so far with mainly poncy fire spells and none of the funny tit, but surely in this situation it would save me? I had almost no health left and shot the chief. Random fire spell, tit. Even less health, shot the chief. smurfing random daedra dremora demon is spawned and immediately kills the tit out of the bandit chief. I was still in the middle of screaming smurf YEAH as it turned around and caved my face in and killed me with one shot. Asshole. Was still funny, mind.

I ended the day going to Riverwood to see Ralof who was sure to be proud of me for being a Stormcloak now, but he wasn't there. This was upsetting but I thought i'd just leave and get on with it. As I left the house he shared with his sister and her husband I saw a chicken right in front of me, and I had my warhammer out. Chicken Polo? This surely can't go wrong! But no, apparently people don't like it when you kill their chickens. The aforementioned husband came steaming in, and was promptly massacred by Lydia. Two more followed him in and both went down with one swing apiece of my warhammer. I had a sudden rush of blood to the head, realising how weak the people of Riverwood were compared to my armoured god of death. I couldn't help it. I slaughtered all of them. Hunted them down like pigs, if they hid inside they were chased inside and none were spared. The only two people left alive in Riverwood are the now oprhaned children. All over a chicken.

finally, this actually happened the other day but I forgot to post about it but it's too great to not mention. I was travelling to High Hrothgar a lot and getting power word locations from the greybeards, hunting down dragons and unlocking some new shouts. I can't remember which location it was, but I was on my way to one of them and when I got closer to the word wall I could see the dragon in the distance already going mental, spamming breath and flying around in battle mode. This confused me some what so I made my way in cautiously. As I got close enough for it to register as an enemy, I was pretty surprised to see it had virtually no health left. This was even more worrying. What the smurf could have screwed this Dragon up so badly that by the time I got to it it only took me two blows to fell it (as a pretty low level character with crappy equipment)? I searched the entire area, and what do you think I found? An army of Frost trolls? A dremora? Dwarvern Centurion? Nope. Literally, the only other living being that was hanging around the word wall, and the only one on the entire mountain was...an elk. just a random elk.

suffice to say I have not been anywhere near the smurfing things since.