Sense of humour? Absent, presumed missing
I was doing some work for our HR Operations team in the office and I must have come across the least fun person I've ever met.
Here follows one of many 'fun' conversations I had with "Steve"...
(Having just completed a spreadsheet for him...)
Me: "So shall I save this to the test file?"
Steve: "Yeah, if you could. We'll call it..."
Me: "Clive?"
Steve: "No, Sunday Premium Testing."
Me: "...ok..."
Have you ever met anyone who made you want to vomit all over their face through boredom?
I would have called it Peter.
Joke's on you bubba, it's Saturday!
Peter is the name of my stapler. That would have just confused matters.Originally Posted by Stiltzquin
Well spotted Psy! The spreadsheet was about staff who get paid premiums on a Sunday... which when I'm in charge of it is one hell of a small list...
Sounds as bad as when I have to ask people what they want to drink at work and they reply "I'll have a double vodka and coke ha ha ha" and "How do you have your coffee?" "In a cup ha ha ha" every time I hear those jokes for the hundredth time I die a little more inside.
Everyone at the office I work at comes from a different country, so nobody understands anybody's jokes. That in itself can be funny when it is not happening to me.
Me: This guy here is my boyfriend!
My boyfriend: Nice to meet you!
My boss: How many camels are you offering?
I do strange things to people I don't know. I don't understand why. My sense of humor is a bit like this:
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 21 May 2009 10:16 a.m.
To: Helen Bailey
Subject: Pets in the building
Dear Helen,
Thank you for your letter concerning pets in my apartment. I understand that having dogs in the
apartment is a violation of the agreement due to the comfort and well-being of my neighbors, and
I am currently soundproofing my apartment with egg cartons because I realize my dogs can
cause quite a bit of noise. Especially during feeding time, when I release live rabbits.
Regards, David
From: Helen Bailey
Date: Thursday 21 May 2009 11:18 a.m.
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Pets in the building
Hello David
I‘ve received your e-mail and wish to remind you that the agreement states that no animals are
allowed in the building regardless of if your apartment is soundproof. How many dogs do you
have at the premises?
Helen
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 21 May 2009 1:52 p.m.
To: Helen Bailey
Subject: Re: Re: Pets in the building
Dear Helen,
Currently I have only eight dogs, but one is expecting puppies, and I am very excited by this. I
am hoping for a litter of at least ten, as this is the number required to participate in dogsled
racing. I have read every Jack London novel in preparation and have constructed my own sled
from timber I borrowed from the construction site across the road during the night. I have
devised a plan that I feel will ensure me taking first place in the next national dogsled
championships. For the first year of the puppies‘ lives I intend to say the word ―Mush!‖ and then
chase them violently around the apartment while yelling and hitting saucepan lids together. I
have estimated that the soundproofing of my apartment should block out at least 60 percent of
the noise, and the dogs will learn to associate the word ―mush‖ with great fear, so when I yell it
on race day, the panic, and released adrenaline, will spur them on to being winners. I am so
confident of this being a foolproof plan that I intend to sell all my furniture the day before the
race and bet the proceeds on coming in first place.
Regards, David
From: Helen Bailey
Date: Friday 22 May 2009 9:43 a.m.
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building
David, I‘m unsure what to make of your e-mail. Do you have pets in the apartment or not?
Helen
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 22 May 2009 11:27 a.m.
To: Helen Bailey
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building
Dear Helen,
No. I have a goldfish, but due to the air conditioner in my apartment being stuck on a constant
two degrees Celsius, the water in its bowl is iced over and he has not moved for a while, so I do
not think he is capable of disturbing the neighbors. The ducks in the bathroom are not mine. The
noise that my neighbors possibly mistook for a dog in the apartment is just the looping tape I
have of dogs barking, which I play at high volume while I am at work to deter potential burglars
from breaking in and stealing my Tupperware. I need it to keep food fresh. Once I ate leftover
Chinese that had been kept in an unsealed container, and I experienced complete awareness. The
next night I tried eating it again but experienced only chest pains and diarrhea.
Regards, David
From: Helen Bailey
Date: Friday 22 May 2009 1:46 p.m.
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building
Hello David
You cannot play sounds of dogs or any noise at a volume that disturbs others. I am sure you can
appreciate that these rules are for the benefit of all residents of the building. Fish are fine. You
cannot have ducks in the apartment though. If it was small birds that would be ok.
Helen
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 22 May 2009 2:18 p.m.
To: Helen Bailey
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building
Dear Helen,
They are very small ducks.
Regards, David
From: Helen Bailey
Date: Friday 22 May 2009 4:06 p.m.
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building
David, under section 4 of the Strata Residency Agreement it states that you cannot have pets.
You agreed to these rules when you signed the forms. These rules are set out to benefit everyone
in the building including yourself. Do you have a telephone number I can call you on to discuss?
Helen
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 22 May 2009 5:02 p.m.
To: Helen Bailey
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building
Dear Helen,
The ducks will no doubt be flying south for the winter soon, so it will not be an issue. It is
probably for the best, as they are not getting along very well with my seventeen cats, anyway.
Regards, David
From: Helen Bailey
Date: Monday 25 May 2009 9:22 a.m.
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building
David, I am just going to write on the forms that we have investigated and you do not have any
pets.
Helen
Face
ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็༼ ຈل͜ຈ༽ส้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้
I do strange things to people I don't know. I don't understand why. My sense of humor is a bit like this:
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 21 May 2009 10:16 a.m.
To: Helen Bailey
Subject: Pets in the building
Dear Helen,
Thank you for your letter concerning pets in my apartment. I understand that having dogs in the
apartment is a violation of the agreement due to the comfort and well-being of my neighbors, and
I am currently soundproofing my apartment with egg cartons because I realize my dogs can
cause quite a bit of noise. Especially during feeding time, when I release live rabbits.
Regards, David
From: Helen Bailey
Date: Thursday 21 May 2009 11:18 a.m.
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Pets in the building
Hello David
I‘ve received your e-mail and wish to remind you that the agreement states that no animals are
allowed in the building regardless of if your apartment is soundproof. How many dogs do you
have at the premises?
Helen
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 21 May 2009 1:52 p.m.
To: Helen Bailey
Subject: Re: Re: Pets in the building
Dear Helen,
Currently I have only eight dogs, but one is expecting puppies, and I am very excited by this. I
am hoping for a litter of at least ten, as this is the number required to participate in dogsled
racing. I have read every Jack London novel in preparation and have constructed my own sled
from timber I borrowed from the construction site across the road during the night. I have
devised a plan that I feel will ensure me taking first place in the next national dogsled
championships. For the first year of the puppies‘ lives I intend to say the word ―Mush!‖ and then
chase them violently around the apartment while yelling and hitting saucepan lids together. I
have estimated that the soundproofing of my apartment should block out at least 60 percent of
the noise, and the dogs will learn to associate the word ―mush‖ with great fear, so when I yell it
on race day, the panic, and released adrenaline, will spur them on to being winners. I am so
confident of this being a foolproof plan that I intend to sell all my furniture the day before the
race and bet the proceeds on coming in first place.
Regards, David
From: Helen Bailey
Date: Friday 22 May 2009 9:43 a.m.
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building
David, I‘m unsure what to make of your e-mail. Do you have pets in the apartment or not?
Helen
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 22 May 2009 11:27 a.m.
To: Helen Bailey
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building
Dear Helen,
No. I have a goldfish, but due to the air conditioner in my apartment being stuck on a constant
two degrees Celsius, the water in its bowl is iced over and he has not moved for a while, so I do
not think he is capable of disturbing the neighbors. The ducks in the bathroom are not mine. The
noise that my neighbors possibly mistook for a dog in the apartment is just the looping tape I
have of dogs barking, which I play at high volume while I am at work to deter potential burglars
from breaking in and stealing my Tupperware. I need it to keep food fresh. Once I ate leftover
Chinese that had been kept in an unsealed container, and I experienced complete awareness. The
next night I tried eating it again but experienced only chest pains and diarrhea.
Regards, David
From: Helen Bailey
Date: Friday 22 May 2009 1:46 p.m.
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building
Hello David
You cannot play sounds of dogs or any noise at a volume that disturbs others. I am sure you can
appreciate that these rules are for the benefit of all residents of the building. Fish are fine. You
cannot have ducks in the apartment though. If it was small birds that would be ok.
Helen
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 22 May 2009 2:18 p.m.
To: Helen Bailey
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building
Dear Helen,
They are very small ducks.
Regards, David
From: Helen Bailey
Date: Friday 22 May 2009 4:06 p.m.
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building
David, under section 4 of the Strata Residency Agreement it states that you cannot have pets.
You agreed to these rules when you signed the forms. These rules are set out to benefit everyone
in the building including yourself. Do you have a telephone number I can call you on to discuss?
Helen
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 22 May 2009 5:02 p.m.
To: Helen Bailey
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building
Dear Helen,
The ducks will no doubt be flying south for the winter soon, so it will not be an issue. It is
probably for the best, as they are not getting along very well with my seventeen cats, anyway.
Regards, David
From: Helen Bailey
Date: Monday 25 May 2009 9:22 a.m.
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building
David, I am just going to write on the forms that we have investigated and you do not have any
pets.
Helen
Face
ส็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็็༼ ຈل͜ຈ༽ส้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้้
"They are very small ducks." :laughing:
Here's two fliers I made, while operating an alternate personality as a severely autistic graphic design student in 1996, taking free night courses in a High School computer lab. Way too optimistic, no grasp on customer appeal. Just pure autism, the kind that just doesn't function in society.
I think I nearly perfected everything about this personality/setting/series of fliers.
This is a flier for a "Cats Rock Opera", complete with a disturbing array of pieced together characters, a horribly busy flier, and Aaron Freed wants to know how he can get a sweet deal. I love this trout.
The Double Richard Experience; the concept is a Little Richard cover band, only there are two identical vocalists, both playing as Little Richard.
Basically, this. We all have a hard time understanding each other to begin with, and when jokes are invovled, it just gets tragic.
I hate those people who makes me bore :/
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