Tech Support

[Jessweeee♪]

Actually I am the company secretary with an average understanding of computers, but being the only employee under fifty I am the IT person by default. We gave an employee working in a town an hour away from here some internet USB stick thing. He can't get on the internet. He came from Thailand a couple of weeks ago and doesn't speak a word of English. I am having to help him over the phone, except I can't because we are unable to communicate:

"Mr. I understand your internet is not working?"
"Hello? Yes."
"Can you see any web pages?"
"Yes sir."
"Everything is okay then?"
"No."
"Please click on --"
*disconnected*



There is simply no way this is happening over the phone. Someone there has to help him or I have to make the drive out there. And probably fix the problem with two clicks

Anyway tell me your tech support stories. Or a time you helped your grandma fight through toolbar hell.

[Psychotic]

Actually I am the company secretary with an average understanding of computers, but being the only employee under fifty I am the IT person by default.

Hi-five. My workplace has paid employees, who are middle-aged women, and volunteers, who are nearly all retired. I'm the only paid employee who is male and the only one younger than 40. Therefore I am a systems administrator. I am the systems administrator. I have a server to play with and do whatever I want with. Quite how this has happened I don't know but I am basically viewed as some sort of magical wizard and it's great.

[CimminyCricket]

Actually I am the company secretary with an average understanding of computers, but being the only employee under fifty I am the IT person by default.

Hi-five. My workplace has paid employees, who are middle-aged women, and volunteers, who are nearly all retired. I'm the only paid employee who is male and the only one younger than 40. Therefore I am a systems administrator. I am the systems administrator. I have a server to play with and do whatever I want with. Quite how this has happened I don't know but I am basically viewed as some sort of magical wizard and it's great.

Basically how I was viewed before I got out of the military. There was only one other person who knew that a mouse can only work if it is plugged in. And my story is that I had to show someone how to plug their mouse into their computer so they could use it. :\

[sharkythesharkdogg]

I'm suddenly feeling much better about my marginal computer skills.

[Sephex]

Older people are amazed at my "skills" to quickly google something if we need a visual example of what is being discussed at work.

As for a tech support story? Nothing amazing, just solved a few minor problems here and there like minor network connection issues.

[G13]

I installed Mozilla Firefox on my friend's wife's computer and they are just beside themselves with awe.

[Pike]

Mostly people just make me type everything for them because I guess no one has seen 100wpm before, and being able to type as such makes me some sort of wizard.

[Jiro]

I know a couple people who are actually much better with computers than I am so I can only pretend to be a wizard when they aren't around.

[Old Manus]

During my first year at University, living in a long corridor with 21 other blokes, as soon as they twigged that I was doing a degree with the word 'computer' in it, I instantly became OFFICIAL BLOCK 4G TECH SUPPORT OFFICER, and was privy to all manner of callouts ranging from 'I can't torrent the latest episode of $TVSHOW' (the port was blocked, try explaining that to a liberal arts major who tried to cook a pizza in a George Foreman grill), to being roughly awoken at 3am to help Greg (names changed to protect the guilty) load up PornHub.

I remember one of my favourites because I was partly to blame. It was when Llyr (names changed to annoy foreigners), after ten minutes of assorted bangs and curse words reverbrating along the corridor, poked his head in my doorway. I knew what was coming. Imagine the following in the broadest valleys' accent you can. If you cannot imagine a broad valleys accent, picture how you would talk if you had been gargling broken glass for an hour.

"Oh James, my laptop's totally smurfed, come and have a look at it or wa'? Piece of trout won't even connect to the internet"

I went to have a look. I thought about wiping away the carpet of smudges and dust from the screen so that I could properly see what I was doing, but saw the telltale yellowish blastmarks of what was certainly dried semen, and thought better of it. I would go through the usual questions.

"Are you sure you're connecting to the right network?"
"Useless hunk of junk can't connect to any of them mate"
"Have you tried restarting the network car - Never mind, I'll do it now."
"No point even bothering son, It's a piece of absolute troute. I've been bashing it and everything to try and get it to work I tell 'ew. It's always been total dog trout, dunno why I bought it like. How much will a new one cost? I'll go down the library and look them up in a minute now. smurfing Dell, wouldn't know a good computer if I sodomised their mothers with one..."*repeat to fade*

Restarting the network card didn't achieve anything. I moved to temporarily turn off the firewall, but quickly found he didn't have one. I went into the Control Panel to check the device was turned on. I unblocked ports. I tried to connect via proxies. I tried to ping the router at the end of the hall. It had been around half an hour. This problem was about to beat me. Llyr was starting to lose faith in my abilities. THIS COULD NOT HAPPEN. I was about to burn my cards, to fall onto the IT Consultant's Last Resort(tm): Idk, it was a virus. Then I realised the problem. It crashed upon my head like a hooker passing out during oral.

The smurfing network cable was unplugged.

[Jiro]

you had to touch his dirty laptop for half an hour before you forgot to check if it was ​plugged in?

[Old Manus]

I know, I'm a horrible tech supporter.

[Quindiana Jones]

"HelloITHaveyoutriedturningitoffandonagain? Is it plugged in?" Rookie error, Manus, but I've gotta respect your perseverance.

Um, I made my nan a computer, put her online and taught her how to use word processors and the internet. That's pretty damn impressive, I reckon. Only took two months.

[Sephex]

I know, I'm a horrible tech supporter.

It was still a well told and entertaining story!

[Jiro]

At the end of the day you solved his problem and I'm sure he said thank you in whatever crazy dialect he speaks, so good job man.

[Agent Proto]

Relevant to the thread.