Census Results - Get your slack asses in here.

[Jessweeee♪]

If you level your weapons before post game you are doing it wrong IMO.

[Wolf Kanno]

^That my dear is why you are under the illusion that the game is challenging.

[Loony BoB]

Still has more of a strategy than any other boss.

[Slothy]

Sometimes I think you've never even played other FF titles BoB.

Also, I counter your Barthandalus with Wrexsoul. A boss with whom the axiom "kill him faster" completely falls apart because you can't kill him at all unless you know how to get him to show up in the first place or how to kill him without having to make him appear. Ironically, it's one of the easiest FF titles in history that has one of the most unorthodox boss battles.

[Jiro]

Favourite Job

My favourite job is telling you guys that you're all idiots. It's a thankless job, and it pays absolutely nothing, but the warm fuzzy feeling you get from telling the truth all day just makes it worth it. Can't ask for much more than that, can you? Well you can, but that's because you're greedy smurfwits who aren't satisfied with the simple things in life. I ought to drop you in the middle of the outback and see how long you lasted. smurfin' mongs.

One Pointers

• Lady Luck
• Ravager
• Black Mage
• Archer/Ranger
• White Mage
• Monks
• Berserker
• Samurai
• Mime
• Dark Knight

It's a sad day when I realise I recognised most of these from Final Fantasy X-2 and, you know, not the original games, or even the games with the best incarnation. I have failed you as a Census host. But at least I'm still more right than you. Zing! I wonder what some of our voters said...

wait what?

Yeah you would, Peegee, you would.

Waterslide Tester

...Are you smurfing kidding me. Did anybody take this thing seriously?

Probably Dark Knights which is why I'm a bit happy they've gained a bit of resurgence in the franchise the last decade. Powerful attacks, sometimes excellent debuff abilities and some awesome designs make them a favorite of mine.

Thank smurf for Wolf Kanno. Look, not only is he not being a complete waste of oxygen, he's also being a positive use of it too. See how he explains his answer? IT GIVES ME SOMETHING TO DO OTHER THAN TWIDDLE MY smurfING THUMBS AND SING STUPID JINGLES ABOUT HOW I'M GOING TO PAINT YOU ALL IN GASOLINE.

Third Place (2)
Two tied for third. A familiar story. Look at it this way though; at least we got people to agree, again. Which means their answers - albeit it probably lonely without any smurfING JUSTIFICATION - were not nonsense little smart alec quips to try and make them feel better than us. Maybe, just maybe, if somebody like Quin read the Census results and laughed to himself as he posted would it be a successful. But I feel I speak for both myself and Vivi22 here when I say being funny will not earn our respect, but instead a nice death stare, a target on your back and a flower van parked outside your house just waiting for you to be alone. Oh, the results. Right. First we have the very phallic Dragoon. See the way he jumps up and then comes down dealing impressive damage? Yeah that innuendo was probably a 6/10 for effort alone.

Lancer/Dragoon, I just love to jump on enemies and avoid some damage. Especially with the Blood Spear.

In other words, "I'm a pussy." Yep. I bet you voted Hide as the most useful skill as well.

The other tied for third is the Red Mage. Pretty baller. Even more impressive if you follow Captain Maxx Power's route, but sadly that is not available to us. Simply, the Red Mage is better than all other magics and fighters put together into one neat package with maximum style. You know it. The only comment was "versatility" and I just... it's too much effort to scroll up, see who wrote it, get the quote tags out and all that jazz. You know who you are.

First Place (3)
We got a tie for first too buckarinos. Can you guess what they are? Go on, I'll give you three guesses. Wrong, Wrong, that one is right, Wrong. Bad luck. Well you all know that the Ninja is up in there for a win. Why? Because it's the ninja. If it doesn't win, then something went terribly awry. They have this thing called the "secret ninja" at one of the weekly poker matches I play and I always argue the point: if a ninja is not secret, what is he? NOT A smurfING NINJA.

I'm going to say Ninja. I love throwing things, dual wielding swords/daggers is kind of cool, and being able to use abilities that may let you dodge attacks is pretty useful. Plus they get nifty pajamas.

The Ninja of FFTA had incredibly speed, agility, and the ability to dual wield weapons for strong damage. In addition, they also had the ability to cast some magic like skills which dealt some small damage as well as causing status effects on the enemy.

Jiro and Vivi22: Carrying the team since well before 2012.

Here we go. Last but clearly not least because he's tied for first place is the Blue Mage. smurfing shoulda seen that one coming with the popularity of Blue Magic earlier, hey. smurfing oath it's a top notch class or something. I dunno. At least they got some top getups too.

Blue Mage. Can hold it's own with a sword, wears better armor than most other mages, and Blue Magic is generally a bag of tricks that has any spell you need for a given situation.

Dunno that sounds like a Red Mage to me bro.

Blue Mage, cause he can (usually) fill every other role.

Yeah that sounds like a Red Mage ey. So uh I guess the Red Mage is the official winner or something?

[Slothy]

I forgot to mention something pretty important in my explanation. Ninja's also rule because Batman. I'd post a picture, but since he's Batman there not only are none, but he's already taken out your camera with a batarang and you never even noticed that he's standing right behind you.

Jiro and Vivi22: Carrying the team since well before 2012.

Apocalypse Party forever!

[Jinx]

I hate Blue Mages, and I hate Blue Magic.

[Loony BoB]

Sometimes I think you've never even played other FF titles BoB.

Also, I counter your Barthandalus with Wrexsoul. A boss with whom the axiom "kill him faster" completely falls apart because you can't kill him at all unless you know how to get him to show up in the first place or how to kill him without having to make him appear. Ironically, it's one of the easiest FF titles in history that has one of the most unorthodox boss battles.

I'm actually just about to face Wrexsoul in my game. xD I'm trying to collect the espers, so yeah. I was told a 'strategy' of "use this spell, you'll win immediately" or something. Which doesn't sound much better than "go all out attack when he's doing this thing". To be fair, though, I must concede that I was considering only end-bosses when I was making my decision. If you include every damned boss out there then obviously even easy mini-bosses can involve some kind of strategy (eg. Scorpion Robot Thing on FFVII). It's the end-bosses which I've always either walked, or found that what was wrong with my strategy was merely "you're not a high enough level yet". Which for me didn't really mean strategy, it meant power. If we're going to ask which end-boss had the best gameplay, I'd struggle to make a decision... so many choices!

[Slothy]

I'm actually just about to face Wrexsoul in my game. xD I'm trying to collect the espers, so yeah. I was told a 'strategy' of "use this spell, you'll win immediately" or something. Which doesn't sound much better than "go all out attack when he's doing this thing".

You can use X-Zone and end it in one shot, but whether it works or not is random and not high in the likelihood department. It's honestly more of a pain in the ass than the usual method, but still cool that it's an option most won't find right away. You also miss out on the relic he drops if you use it though.

[Quindiana Jones]

I don't even know what the Census is or how it came to be, but I heard someone say my name and want you to know that I am enjoying every second of it. Naturally, I laugh at Bubba's responses, but the real pleasure of this experience is the pursuit of knowledge and discovering new things about people.

Vote Quin, 2012.

[Slothy]

Time for yet another reveal. This time it will be:

Favorite battle system (turn based, ATB, CTB, ADB, CSB)

Welp, I don't see this going well. On to the 1 pointers.

CSB
CTB (FFTactics)
Action RPG (Crisis Core)

For the life of me, I have no idea what CSB stands for. And one vote for FF Tactics? I didn't vote for it either, but come on people. It deserves more respect than that. I'll let everyone guess who voted for Crisis Core. Stumped? Didn't think so. But here's his explanation anyway:

Favorite battle system (turn based, ATB, CTB, ADB, CSB): Full Control

Wait, is that a vote for Crisis Core? I can't be arsed to see if anyone else might have voted for it so we'll go with yes. He's the only person who ever votes for it anyway. How the hell did a Zack fanboy get on the Census Committee? I'd say our standards are dropping, but Wolf Kanno's been a member from the start.

Anyway, we move on to the two vote club:
Turn Base - 2 total votes
ADB - 2 total votes

Why anyone would vote turn based is beyond me. FFX did it decently I guess. But aside from that the only other turn based entries were on the NES, and it really wasn't very interesting back then. Peegee is already banned, so I guess I only need to declare Melissaur dead to me now.

Favorite battle system (turn based, ATB, CTB, ADB, CSB): ADB. There was no going back for me after XII.

Here we see Flying Arrow earning his keep with a correct answer. ATB is overdone at this point and it was good to see it changed up a bit. Or to copy and paste:

Favorite battle system (turn based, ATB, CTB, ADB, CSB)
ADB. Honestly, I'm fairly sick of ATB after about 20 years, and most attempts to change it fall a little flat with me because they don't do enough. But ADB adding in free movement around the battle field was a much needed breath of fresh air, and made positioning reasonably important. I'd love to see it come back and be expanded on, though I doubt Square would do a good job even if they tried.

In other words, smurf everyone who didn't like this system.

In second place we have:
CTB (FFX) - 3 total votes

If FFX is going to be beating FFXII in anything, it shouldn't be gameplay. Someone please shoot me now. Preferably with phasers on maximum setting.

Favorite battle system (turn based, ATB, CTB, ADB, CSB)
CTB (that was X's right?), cause it doesn't rush you. You have all the time in the world to calculate what's gonna come up, what you should do and select it.

So you like it because it's boring? Do you also dress in beige and turn in early for a quiet night of knitting?

Favorite battle system (turn based, ATB, CTB, ADB, CSB): CTB. Did you know that CTB can refer to the Charge Time Battle’ of FFT or the ‘Conditional Turn-Based Battle’ of FF10? Did you also know that they are the exact same system just packaged slightly differently?

I'm running out of room to dig in the back yard so for your sake I'll assume that's a vote for FFT.

Finally, we come to the first place entry which will surprise absolutely no one:
ATB-14 total votes

I get that it's been around since FFIV, so more than 20 years now, and it's been featured in a lot of games. But I'm holding everyone who voted for this as their favourite personally responsible for the complete lack of creativity Square has demonstrated lately. You all hate change and should be ashamed of yourselves for ruining a once great company.

Favorite battle system (turn based, ATB, CTB, ADB, CSB): ATB. Specifically, FFX-2's version (or anything pre-FFXIII). Why did they have to muck it up with AI?

Maybe if you sacrificed more virgins in Squares name they'd be more inclined to care about your dislike of AI. There should be plenty of candidates around here. Just see who spends the most time creeping on Tifa's Boobs in the picture thread.

Favorite battle system (turn based, ATB, CTB, ADB, CSB) - ATB, while I've enjoyed or at least tried to enjoy some of the new variations of the system, I really feel that ATB is a tried and true method that is quite excellent and could be made more appealing if developers actually grew a pair and stopped babying the player. It offers several scenarios of strategy and drama in battle, as well as allows the Squenix people to make the fantastic light shows we players grew accustomed to with out special attacks. I miss cool spell effects.

Yep, it's so tried and true it's like a well worn shoe. Smelly and full of holes. And spell effects? You want them to go back to ATB so you can have some flashy graphics? This is a gameplay census. Keep your visual shenanigans out of it thanks.

[Jinx]

I was name dropped

[Jiro]

Quin you goddamn son of a submari-- okay so the union's been on my back about the abuse. Apparently it's not appropriate to tear shreds off the participants just because I feel that their opinions are wrong, or that they are idiots and need to be slapped about the face. Let's be civil for this one, I guess.

Favourite Accessory

What do you like to wear the most? Accessorising is all about a fashion statement, isn't it? It's the stuff that makes you look better, cooler, hotter, etcetera. These are the ones you like most, the ones that do their jobs.

One Pointers

• Sprint Shoes
• Pumice Piece
• Cat Nip
• Gem Box/Soul of Thamasa

I got a pair of sprint shoes in my car. Do you know how smurfing great it is to be able to run real fast? It's great man. You should try it. I'll challenge you to a race and we'll see who's quicker. C'mon, it'll be great fun. Better than being slow as hell, right?

Sprint Shoes. Seriously. Not having to slowly walk everywhere was a god send. Sure, I prefer a run button if I can get it, but these were the single most useful thing in FFVI.

He also fails to mention that it's a necessity for like that one dungeon. The one where you get Gogo, if I recall. smurfing creepy clown is probably in on it all with Kefka, but you know what they say. Keep your friends close, and your enemies so close that they can just stab you in the smurfing kidney and run without you even realising.

Third Place (2)
We've got two tied for third. I can't wait until I don't have to say that any more. Maybe I should have just made all of these into pie charts and left the statistics to do all the hardwork. Iron Duke is the first, and I have no idea what it even is.

Iron Duke, FFX-2. Useless in the game you get it in, but use it on a New Game+...

I don't know anybody who enjoyed the game enough to play it a second time. That's nothing to do with the game itself - I actually quite enjoy it - but the fact that people are turned off - ironic - by the fact that it seems to be all about fanservice. Secondly we have Running Shoes/Haste Rings. You know, things that make you go fast, like Sonic.

I've always kind of felt "accessories" should be a part of the character's default design rather than being some trinket you pick up to add specialness. I'll say the Haste Ring, Wall Ring, and Regen Ring, anyway.

Just because the category was called "favourite accessories" doesn't mean you can list a whole bunch of them. That's not how this works.

Second Place (4)
You know what is awesome? The Genji Glove. It's awesome.

Genji Gloves, doesn't really matter which game it's in, the Genji Glove will usually be one of the most overpowered piece of equipment you can get a hold of.

OP to the max, ya dig?

The Genji Glove allows you to effectively double your damage output, which is incredibly useful on strong party members. Because of the nature of FF where attacking can usually solve most problems, doubling attack is very effective.

Double the trouble. It's like whack a mole with a sledgehammer.

First Place (9)
We finally had a first, second and third placing in something with unlimited options. I'm proud of you knuckleheads. Oops, sorry. Anyway, the Ribbon takes the cake as the favourite accessory. I like ribbons, girls with ribbons are adorable, but seriously the Final Fantasy ribbons are for pansies. Not the flowers, either.

Ribbon. Is that cheating?

Yes, it makes you immune to basically everything. Completely unacceptable. Cheating little... Just take your damn first place and get out of my face.

[Jiro]

Least Favourite Job

We did the favourites earlier. These are the jobs where you don't get paid cashmoney and you don't enjoy it and you just want to cry everyday and go home and hide under the blankets and then you wake up and it's a new day and you still have to go to work and oh god the humanity.

One Pointers

• Beastmaster/Tamer
• Geomancer
• Black Mage
• Freelancer/Bare (FFV)
• Thamaturuge
• Archer
• Knight
• Alchemist

Lot of jobs there. Guess the workforce ain't exactly happy with their options.

Knight. So blaaaand.

Jess♪ is a girl that likes excitement. Keep that in mind, guys.

Bingo caller

Oh you.

Geomancer. Cool in concept but the out of battle abilities have minimal opportunity to make the job valuable.

All these comments on the one pointers makes me worry about the winners...

Black Mage, simply because I never found them to be too useful.

Blowing stuff up has its uses, my dear boy.

Bare/Freelancer it just kind of sucks the fun out of the game once you've mastered most of the classes.

Yes but to get to that point takes a lot of effort. You're a strange breed, Mister Wolf Kanno.

First Place (2)
Seeing as there is like a one hundred way tie for first place, I'm just going to do another list.

• Bard
• Blue Mage
  
• Scholar
• White Mage
• Dragoon
• Thief

Scholar in FF III NES, he was only useful in one battle.

What battle was that? I think scholars being in battle probably means you're doing it wrong anyway, unless he's Indiana Jones.

Bard. Only in FFXI is it useful and it's actually so useful that people abuse the poor BRDs and they end up hating the job.

Bards do cop a lot of hate and/or abuse. Maybe if they weren't such pushovers...

Dancer/Bard. Way too much effort to learn to not make them suck in games they don’t, and in games they do suck they… well… suck.

Astute observations here.

Thief since I rarely use steal. The exception being Locke when he gets capture, or in FFV where they had some other abilities that made it worth using them now and again. But even then, I'd usually switch to them to see hidden tunnels, then switch back after I didn't need them anymore.

But thieves that can steal are the best!

The Thief of FFI is pretty useless as he doesn't even have the steal command.

My point exactly. Not really a good joke, but oh well.

Let me remind you that the Blue Mage was first in the Favourite Job category while the Dragoon was second. Um. You guys. What the smurf? I'm going to kick you in the nose until you're sniffing your own brains.

[Jinx]

I hate thieves. I find the whole "steal" thing a waste of time and just boring gameplay.

Also, Bubba; we need to get that guy a smurfing tv show.