My friend Lexy and I were walking along a cliff a few years ago (I don't remember why, probably because there were flowers or something) and she randomly begun flailing wildly and slipped and she would have fallen over the edge if I hadn't grabbed her. When I asked her why she suddenly started freaking out, she said, "I thought there was a bee near my head!"

So your first reaction is to flail wildly and possibly anger this cute, mostly harmless creature? He doesn't want to hurt you. He just wants to see if you're a flower. You aren't. So let him try and figure out what you are and be on his way. Don't piss him off by smacking him. Then he'll try to hurt you. And then he'll die. You pissed him off and made him kill himself. You're a horrible person.

...And some bees can summon more bees as they die. You definitely don't want that.

Now, if it was a wasp, it probably would have stung you whether you angered it first or not. Because wasps are total assholes. But if it's a bee or something, you'll be fine unless you do something to trigger its defensive mechanisms. Just stand still or walk slowly and resist the urge to swat at it and you'll most likely be just fine. If it's a wasp, you'll get stung anysmurfingway. So there's no advantage whatsoever to deciding to swat at whatever is buzzing by your head, unless it's a cockroach or some kind of beetle. In which case you smack that smurfer straight out of the sky and stomp on his body several times and mash his carcass into the dirt. Because cockroaches and beetles shouldn't be allowed to smurfing exist.

The reason I was upset at her acting out like that was because I had demonstrated twice earlier that same day that being calm and rational were key elements of living life "properly." I had a much more Zen kind of philosophy back then. I had shown her when a dog came running up to us that staying calm, ignoring it, and then being assertive if it doesn't go away are how to get it to leave you in peace. But the whole time she was freaking out and acting like a bunny rabbit on coke twitching like hell standing on the bench and squealing, which made it hard to get the dog's attention focused back on me. God I hated her so much. I'm going to stop typing now because I completely forgot where I was going with this.

/vodka