My Life as Tidus
First Entry
Big game's today. smurfing Duggles are rough as guts but I can handle them. I've got a secret technique hidden up the slightly longer leg of my pants; the Tidus Shot. Haven't tried it out yet but I'm pretty sure it'll work. We better win this game because my agent has some pretty killer deals lined up. I might have my own clothing line by the end of it. Heck, maybe even a guest spot on my favourite soapie, Neighbours.

Little bit worried about accidentally getting a boner during the game. I don't know. Something about the water just makes me aroused. Maybe if I keep reminding myself it's the Jecht memorial match then it'll die down. Gosh I hate my father. Hope some big ugly whale ate his face.

Second Entry
A big ugly whale attacked. Zanarkand got pretty smurfed up. Think everyone's dead. Sucks, we were winning the match too. Saw uncle Auron, he's looking older. I think he's going senile. He just blabbered some trout at me and then disappeared. Maybe those little kids slipped me some wild mushrooms or something. I'm stuck here in this troutty little rundown temple somewhere and I don't know but I am so hungry. Tempted to eat the paper out of my journal. Might die if I do that though. I burned a couple pages to try and make sure I didn't get pneumonia. That's a stupid smurfing word.

I tried stabbing some giant bugs with the sword Auron gave me. He said Jecht gave it to him but I think he forgot that my old man died like ten smurfing years ago. Or maybe Auron is just a bit crazy. I dunno. Still, whatever that big ugly whale thing was, I don't like it. The bugs don't taste good either. Might have to search for food elsewhere. I don't know what to do now though. No idea where I am or even where I can find a warm shower and some food. I'm supposed to be an elite athlete, where are the crazy stalker fans when you need them?

Third Entry
So this hot foreign chick beat the trout out of me. I woke up on her boat surrounded by weird hairy foreign dudes. Not my idea of a good time. At least they fed me, though! It was pretty delicious but then the last thing I'd eaten was some moss I found growing on a rock so I can't really say for sure. So this boat is pretty cool. Doesn't have a sail, but it does have a crane. I wonder if they ever try and snatch up dolphins or anything? It's like one of those crazy claw games I used to play.

So apparently I'm going to be working with the crazy hairy foreign dudes in exchange for food. I don't like the sound of that, but at least I'm not going to be hungry. They could at least offer me a smurfing towel or blanket though. The metal floor on this boat is numbing my ass. I'm just glad to finally be dry. I'm never going near water again. Not even for blitzball. When I get home I'm going to become a full time actor. I think comedy is my thing. Otherwise I'll take up modelling underwear or something. I just smurfing hate water.

Fourth Entry
I have a sneaking suspicion that there is a God, and he hates me. So "work" with the hairy foreign guys wasn't making weird gay pornos (I thought that would've been alright to be honest) but it involved smurfing swimming down into some underwater ruin and smurfing around with electrical stuff. Apart from the obvious danger of drowning and electrocution, I also got attacked by a crazy smurfing squid. Great. And the hot foreign chick whose name is apparently Rikku thought it was a good idea to use some grenades. I'm not even kidding. I don't know how I made it out of there alive.

Well that's a lie. I sort of know how. I got thrown off the smurfing boat by that stupid smurfing whale. It's called Sin but I don't even care. It made me wet one too many times. I need to kick its smurfing ass. Washed up on the beach of this random island. Everyone here is weird and has names with double letters. Also this one guy has orange hair that sticks up like he just hasn't heard of gravity. His name is Wakka and he's apparently the coach and captain of their blitzball team. They're trout man. You don't even know how terrible these guys are. Can't even pass on land, let alone in the blitz stadium. I don't know if they've got any money but maybe I can play a few games with these guys until I can afford a ticket home.

Anyway I better stop writing this and start listening because I think this Wakka guy is talking to me again.